6 Hilarious Old-Timey Versions of Modern Vices The 5 Worst Things About Getting a Job in a Small Town The 6 Most Undeserving Lottery Winners in History

YOUR CHANGING BODY: A CRACKED ROUND-UP!

As you grow older, you may start to notice some changes in your developing body. You'll start to see hair in places you've never seen it before, as well as fascinating new odors emanating from your nether regions. Puberty is an amazing time in a young boy or girl's life, and Cracked is here to lead you on along it!


Swaim gets the proverbial ball rolling proverbially by making Billy Bob Thornton's famous interview slightly less excruciating. Next, Bucholz provides us with some shamefully erotic secrets from behind-the-scenes of the new Star Trek movie. Meanwhile, Seanbaby talks about dicks, while Brockway does terrible, unforgivable things with spiders. Daniel O'Brien finishes things off by revealing his secret passion; creating children's books that serve to promote a morally abhorrent doctrine.



Also, Gladstone is back.



SO RESTED HE BY THE TUMTUM TREE, AND STOOD AWHILE IN THOUGHT.
Why Tech Support Sucks: A Look Behind The Scenes.
There's a reason 85% of Tech Support careers end in suicide.


Notable Comment: "This article really gives me no reason NOT to hate tech support people. If they were all just assholes it would have been easy to hate them. But since they're all just sheep I feel even more capable of hating the whole damn company for not make their own damn jobs any easier. " Deep down, theHeadCase, we're all just sheep in the flock Google.



FANTASTIC THINGS!
5 Scientific Ways To Make Water Do Magic.
We're like Criss Angel, but without sex appeal.


Notable Comment:"Yeah, when you actually live in Minnesota, you actually get bored of throwing boiling water into the air and watching it freeze eventually." Masamonkey, when you live in Minnesota everything gets boring eventually.



MWA-HA-HA-HA!
6 Incredible Real World Supervillain Lairs.
This article's given us a lot of ideas for the new Cracked Offices. We just need a way to combine the underground Marijuana city with the impenetrable mountain fortress.


Notable Comment:"what would be most awesome is if all those military bunkers had their own weed growing facility...that and an alcohol distillery...ok, it's finally safe to come out now...uuummmm, no thanks i think i'll just stay here...like forever..." That's kind of what we're thinking, kinjomusashi



GET DOWN
5 Massive Hit Songs That Almost Didn't Get Released.
This article contains some of the best justifications for the phrase, "I told you so" in history.


Notable Comment: "Bohemian Rhapsody IS a piece of s**t, as are most Queen songs. No, I'm not a homophobe. They just suck at music. While I'm at it, Elton John's music is s**t too. He's only famous for being gay. If he were straight, nobody would have heard of him." We're just preserving anaughtybear's comment so that future generations can enjoy mocking it to.



IDIOTASTIC!
5 Retarded Superstitions With Logical Explanations.
Take that Science.


Notable Comment: Strongbadia tells us way more than we ever wanted to know. "I definitely own a kangaroo scrotum."





VIDEO!
The Worst Idea In Mafia History.
It's Jesse Selwyntastic!


YOU YOU YOU!
The Awful Secrets of 25 Famous Cartoon Characters.
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, If Everything Was Made By Microsoft.





Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners? Contribute your own.

4.23.09:

The Garden of Eden was a lonely place before Eve arrived.
by slickjamessjik

Editor's pick:

YMCA in chinese is a much more difficult dance.
by Jonimus

4.22.09:

For his last wish Harold asked the genie for a dozen scantily clad bunnies to ride his big pink log, not knowing of course that the genie was a huge, huge douche.
by lapyx

Editor's pick:

The Hare Club for Men.
by BowToTheBard

4.21.09:

Holy crap, the scientologists were right!
by tallestmunchkin

Editor's pick:

Your worst kitemare.
by ShawnStu

4.20.09:

How much is that horrific-crime-against-nature in the window?
by BowToTheBard

Editor's pick:

Most people baby-proof the house. Visionaries build a more durable baby.
by CannedFury

4.19.09:

Drag racing: It ain't what it used to be.
by geniuswaitress

Editor's pick:

Keep this in mind when that hot elf chick in Warcraft wants to cyber with you.
by CavalierX

4.18.09:

He didn't get to 88mph.......
by halseyad

Editor's pick:

Apparently where they were going DID need roads.
by Searfoss

4.17.09:

Auto-hump: Engaged.
by Unsaturated15

Editor's pick:

"And now Almighty Killmungotron with the weather... Killmungotron?"
by gm_zero

[Ok, so, due to completely bizarre circumstances beyond anyone's control, last week's round-up totally disappeared. We don't know how it happened, you don't know how it happened, so it will forever be one of life's grand mysteries, like Stone Henge, or the female orgasm. We figured no one would care but, like, seriously, FOUR PEOPLE COMPLAINED to us. To that end, we've included Craption winners from last week in this week's round-up. Two weeks of Craptions! Hopefully, we can put all this nonsense behind us.]

4.16.09:

How many times have we seen this before? A blonde chick getting ravaged by a bunch of black cocks.
by lapyx

Editor's pick:

She's not that hot. Look at the crow's feet on her face.
by GaseousClay

4.15.09:

I don't know about you, but I'm just impressed they managed to sum up this thing's message in three bullet points.
by Gambler

Editor's pick:

SOYLENT GREEN BRAND TOILET PAPER IS PEOPLE! IT'S PEOPLE!
by MasterRadishes

4.14.09:

well its not exactly the oriental rug I had in mind
by crhino

Editor's pick:

"Um, little help here? No? Okay, I'll just lay here and die. Fucking tourists."
by jekelish

4.13.09:

Thelma & Louise 2: Let's get Kraken
by iamquitebored

Editor's pick:

In Soviet Russia Japan, YOU rape TENTACLES!
by racedogg2

4.12.09:

You cheeky bastard.
by orphan

Editor's pick:

No one had much trouble identifying the Rear Admiral.
by PhoenixRedeemer

4.11.09:

He made the mistake of asking the genie for a dick long enough to touch the ground.
by twiglet

Editor's pick:

Video game glitches come to the real world.
by racedogg2

4.10.09:

Rorschachs Journal, April 10th 2009: I've seen the true face of evil. It talks to a hyena in a snuggie... This city disgusts me.
by gm_zero

Editor's pick:

Worst game of strip poker ever
by twiglet

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