Cracked Archive - News
Just Tell Me If I Should Care About Monkeypox
I don't need a history of the disease. Just tell me if I can go to the gym.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
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13
13 The Man Who Gambled Away An Accidental $360,000 COVID Relief Payment
Look, if the government wants their money back, it's at Table 3.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 3
Turns Out Babysitting Billionaire Space Tourists Sucks
The fact that they're probably wearing diapers only makes it feel more real.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- Comments
- 20
Tech's New Big Idea: 14 Person Dystopian Living Pods
In return for the abandonment of humanity, rent is lowered to $800 a month.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- Comments
- 33
El Salvador's President Is Obsessed With Bitcoin
This is why you don't elect a guy wearing a backwards hat.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- Comments
- 6
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Thailand Is Giving Out Free Weed Plants, Nice
And they deliver? Double nice.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 6
Court Agrees Guy Mike Tyson Punched On An Airplane Kind Of A Dick
Your honor, the man was being an absolute dillweed.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- Comments
- 6
Celebrity Activists Need To Break Up With PETA
Just give a million bucks to Habitat for Humanity and take a nap.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- Comments
- 35
You Know Things Are Bad When The Government Wants To Talk UFOs
Why would you want to talk recessions and healthcare when ALIENS MIGHT BE REAL!
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- 25
Unfortunately, The WSJ Is Wrong: The NFT Market Is Not Collapsing
The apes will continue until morale improves.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- Comments
- 24
Burger King Russia Tried To Ban 'It,' Calling Pennywise A McDonald's Mascot
We all bloat down here. You'll bloat too!
- Authors
- By Ryan Menezes
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- 1
Hero Of The Week: Woman Recovers Stolen Ancient Statue… From A Goodwill
Old Frasier t-shirt, weird rusty colander, uh, centuries old roman bust?
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 4
TurboTax Caught Scamming, Pays $141M Settlement: We Love To See It
Inject this feeling of justice directly into my veins.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 8
Banning Abortion Will Finally Allow The Antichrist To Rise To Power
All will be as the Good Word predicted, and as it should!
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 71
Bots Are Ruining Your Google Results (Best Coffeemaker For 2022!)
Looking for the best coffeemaker of 2022? Look no further!
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 4
