Cracked Archive - News
Bed Bath & Beyond Is The Latest Meme Stock Short Squeeze
Either that, or the world supply of body oil has gone completely dry.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
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2
2 Blake Masters: Peter Thiel's Political Pet Project
If I win the election can I call you dad?
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- Comments
- 11
China's New "Henipavirus" That I Think I Will Just Let Take Me
I've been running for so, so long. Maybe it's finally time to rest.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- Comments
- 14
Dr. Oz' Journey From Snake Oil Salesman To Senate Carpetbagger
Pennsylvania could be the first state with an "energy healing" based healthcare system!
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- Comments
- 15
A Billionaire Offered $180 Million To Whichever Man Marries His Lesbian Daughter
Ten years on, no man's grabbed the prize.
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- By Ryan Menezes
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Alex Jones Still Has No Idea What Freedom Of Speech Is
He duct-taped his mouth shut today, but somehow STILL found a way to be annoying.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- 29
Nobody Ever "Wants" To Work, You Idiots
It seems like no one wants to contract the black lung mining for coal anymore!
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 25
Sticky Kids Everywhere Mourn Loss Of Choco Taco
Those little orange-handed gremlins lost a lot today.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- Comments
- 4
5 Perfect Gifts For A Baby's First Birthday
You could give them a onesie... or you could change their life.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- 6
Kids Need Toys 'R' Us Now More Than Ever
If they have to do active shooter drills, they deserve to wreck their parents' credit card balance!
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- Comments
- 5
All This UFO Alien Talk Comes From One Tiny Self-Interested Group
Newsflash: There has been no newsflash about aliens.
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- By Ryan Menezes
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- 4
BMW Is Adding Heated Seat... Subscriptions
They just paywalled warm butts.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- 5
Dear Hasim Rahman Jr., Please KO Jake Paul
In a time of darkness, our nation deserves a ray of light.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- Comments
- 5
Guy Disappears After His Job Accidentally Pays Him 300 Months' Salary
Is it still bank fraud if the bank was the one who did it?
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
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- Comments
- 7
5 Tips For Fully Dissociating At Your July 4th BBQ
How to celebrate America while completely pushing its horrors out of your mind!
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
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