Cracked Archive - Sports

The Idiotarod Shopping Cart Derby: Real-Life 'Wacky Races'

A real white-knucklehead race where hipsters brave loose cart wheels and snow to win.


Back In The Day, They Had An Olympic Gold Medal For Art

Mathletes, eat your heart out.


The Football Game That Magically Determines The U.S. Presidential Election

Yes, Joe Biden's fortunes are mystically tied to the fortunes of the Chicago Bears.


Baseball Is Dead. Again.

They walked the field of really dull dreams.


Women's Wrestling Will Really Miss Casey Michael

Here's a cool dude you probably didn't know, but affected a lot of people in a good way.


4 Reasons College Athletes Need To Get Paid Now

The world's gone bonkers, so let's pay NCAA players, yes?


Being Named Dan Snyder Is About To Suck

As news is about to break about Dan Snyder's awfulness, we can't help but feel sympathy for anyone named Dan Snyder.


WWE Wrestlers Testing Positive Should Surprise No One

This was predictable even by the standards of a scripted sports league.


Pro-Sports Forgot What Happened During The Last 'Pandemic Championship'

The 1919 Stanley Cup Finals were played during the influenza outbreak. It didn't end well.


NASCAR Has The Most Anti-Cop Origins Imaginable

Supporting the police protests is completely in line with Nascar's history.


Quarantine Means Next Season’s NBA Rookie Class Is Gonna Suuuck

It'll have a margin of success on par with randomly pulling names from a hat.


NBA Games Are Gonna Be Weird

Every foul is two shots and a cotton swab jammed into the brain.


It's Past Time For Drew Brees To Understand The Point Of Kneeling

There's a football pun here about fumbles or false starts, but Brees was just outright stupid.


A Real Race Car Driver Got Fired For Cheating ... In A Video Game

Imagine cheating not only to not win but then to get caught because you lost so much less than usual.