Cracked Archive - Sports
The Idiotarod Shopping Cart Derby: Real-Life 'Wacky Races'
A real white-knucklehead race where hipsters brave loose cart wheels and snow to win.
- By Cedric Voets
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- December 08, 2020
Back In The Day, They Had An Olympic Gold Medal For Art
Mathletes, eat your heart out.
- By Cedric Voets
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- October 19, 2020
The Football Game That Magically Determines The U.S. Presidential Election
Yes, Joe Biden's fortunes are mystically tied to the fortunes of the Chicago Bears.
- By Carly Tennes
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- October 06, 2020
Baseball Had No Reported Homophobic Slurs This Season (Congrats?)
It's progress, we guess.
- By Carly Tennes
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- October 02, 2020
Baseball Is Dead. Again.
They walked the field of really dull dreams.
- By Cedric Voets
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- September 22, 2020
Women's Wrestling Will Really Miss Casey Michael
Here's a cool dude you probably didn't know, but affected a lot of people in a good way.
- By Dan Duddy
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- September 03, 2020
4 Reasons College Athletes Need To Get Paid Now
The world's gone bonkers, so let's pay NCAA players, yes?
- By Jordan Breeding
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- July 31, 2020
Being Named Dan Snyder Is About To Suck
As news is about to break about Dan Snyder's awfulness, we can't help but feel sympathy for anyone named Dan Snyder.
- By Dan Duddy
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- July 17, 2020
WWE Wrestlers Testing Positive Should Surprise No One
This was predictable even by the standards of a scripted sports league.
- By Dan Duddy
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- June 25, 2020
Pro-Sports Forgot What Happened During The Last 'Pandemic Championship'
The 1919 Stanley Cup Finals were played during the influenza outbreak. It didn't end well.
- By Chris Corlew
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- June 14, 2020
NASCAR Has The Most Anti-Cop Origins Imaginable
Supporting the police protests is completely in line with Nascar's history.
- By Dan Duddy
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- June 11, 2020
Quarantine Means Next Season’s NBA Rookie Class Is Gonna Suuuck
It'll have a margin of success on par with randomly pulling names from a hat.
- By Luis Prada
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- June 08, 2020
NBA Games Are Gonna Be Weird
Every foul is two shots and a cotton swab jammed into the brain.
- By Luis Prada
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- June 05, 2020
It's Past Time For Drew Brees To Understand The Point Of Kneeling
There's a football pun here about fumbles or false starts, but Brees was just outright stupid.
- By Dan Duddy
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- June 04, 2020
A Real Race Car Driver Got Fired For Cheating ... In A Video Game
Imagine cheating not only to not win but then to get caught because you lost so much less than usual.
- By Amanda Mannen
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- May 29, 2020
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