chainfire
"Mr. Burns, there are some girl scouts selling cookies at the door." "Splendid. Release the raptors."
nimo
The good news is my X-ray goggles work and I know what I'm getting for Christmas. The bad news is my wife must have found out about the secretary.
Julius_Goat
"These exercise wheels suck for some reason. If only we knew why. Curse our tiny little brains!"
GGWD
Dad? Enough, Nickelback! In Russia, dinosaurs cage you. 20 minutes later France surrendered. I'm first, do I win? San Francisco T-Rex.
Julius_Goat
"OK, Throngor, you're right. The mammals DID win. Now will you program the time machine back home? This future sucks balls."
Kamikaze Phoenix
They look cute now, but they grow up to be a lot of work. They eat 6000 pounds of steak per day, and can destroy a house. Are you still sure you want one?
siromar
Unfortunately for the Chamelosaurus, their ability to perfectly blend in with their environment occasionally proves useless.
bryp777
When the local school district was unable to find any dementors to protect the children, raptors were the next logical choice.
Mothra24
The browser says,"Funny Photos, Funny Pictures, Hilarious Captions" Not so much today... *sigh*
ChaseMitchell
Jurassic Park Manhattan didn't have quite the same amount of space to work with.
bilbo1
Dammit Fred, I don't care how bad you gotta pee. You had better tie a knot in it or something.
Ceveron
You mean they didn't train real dinosaurs for the movie? Awwww, what a disappointment
sagittarius1203
Wilma- "Fred! The Bedrock SPCA picked up Dino... I TOLD you to renew his license!"
yeahme
As soon as the gates fly open, they're ready to prove dino-style is superior to doggy.
Unept
No, I'm not surprised. I'm just not sure how Lady GaGa can wear it to the awards show.
bubblegum
I think I'm going to take some time off from Craptions today and go visit a nice place like the zoo... What is that? Oh fuck... now I'm seeing Craptions everywhere I go!
RogersIB
With brains the size of nuts, and nuts the size of coconuts, it was only matter of time before the veloceraptors were sold into the sex trade.
Ceveron
Just a few mounts and some mannequins and we got ourself a dandy of a creationist museum
sagittarius1203
The Natural History Museum's stuffed velociraptors are out-selling Sarah Palin's book 10 to 1
itoldyouso
Climbing the corporate ladder, for an old dinosaur like Ted, meant locking yourself up in a cage 8 hours a day, and shitting on your two best friends the whole time.
spud
"Now, please step this way to Dr. Hannibal Lecter's collection of mammals and primates..."
Mr.Excalibur
Like their human brethren, the Redskin Dinosaurs never got a break throughout all of history.
SRLivewire
Don't you know that it is a felony to trap an endangered species? But in the case of an extinct species, the law is strangely silent...
ChaseMitchell
"Excuse me, sir? Yeah, you with the map. Can we see that for a second? ...A little closer?"
seannyb
Puny humans. Soon we will escape from your strange red plastic cages. Then there will be red plastic DESTRUCTION!
gypsy61
Our version of Red Rover is a little more intense, for instance, we use dinosaurs to chase you "right over"
s1lversun
Jurassic park didn't teach them anything, so they decided to try again with the soothing colour of red... oh wait
Kamikaze Phoenix
The one stuck in lowest cage has the worst of it. What, with digestion, and gravity and all.
Kamikaze Phoenix
I know it's our job and everything... but fuck it, let's let them out for a bit. They don't look like they're about to cause any trouble...
geewizz
Do not vote for this Craption!!! I want to stay here at the bottom and look up at all of the other Craption's skirts.
Crackedhead1
They are trying to contain the new Dino flu which is slightly more deadly than swine flu.
jtklove
Another successful rescue by the JSPCA (Jurassic Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals).
ChaseMitchell
"'Our prey?' We need to PRAY someone is dumb enough to walk up and stick their arms in here. That's our prey."
ahuester
Umm...John, I was gonna sign for that package you ordered but....it seems the UPS guy was eaten!
Snifter
We've tried feeding them everything, lawyers, lobbyists, terrorists. Appearantly they won't eat anything that sits in its own excrement.
LoboBrunt
Unfortunately for the bottom dino, it was dollar taco night at the community center.
fac51
Oh shit the first time i've senmn the picture change and I carn't think of anything funny
Lerxst62
"Sure, Barney gets a TV gig because he's purple.. We're red and get the shit end of the stick, again."
iantendo
Hello is that John Deere? You've screwed up my order... I wanted three red tractors!
Smithereen
Oh, sure, they are cute now, but when they grow up, they'll eat you out of house and home.
wensy
Jurassic Park 5: In which 3 velociraptors are set loose in the city with no reasons given. We decided to just say fuck the story and show people being mutilated.
robo042
Why this does seem to be a very nice school, good facilities, friendly staff, clean campus, gre-- wait, what the hell is that?
Unept
"CURSE YOU, LITTLE FOOT!" "Stop bitching, Al. Little Foot beat us, fair and square." "Both of you shut up, while I think of an escape plan."
waldron76
And now, the doors will be removed, and the raptors will be released back into the wild...
Julius_Goat
This is just a sad breakdown of our system. You know that in prison they'll just learn how to become carnivores.
iantendo
"Hey Larry... you seen who's just moved into the bottom floor?" "Oh great... there goes the cage"
waldron76
"OK, Mr Roosevelt, where should we put the sedated veloci- oh, you'll move them once they wake up?"
fede80
"The artist wants to convey the the veracity of the evolution of life through natural selection. Oh, and his burning desire to engage in a threesome"
Fkelleghan
Christmas morning, I was disappointed to discover that they were just dinosaur-shaped boxes.
Joey_09876
"Well, I'm certain that these flimsy red plastic cages will prevent another Jurassic Park from happening! It's foolproof!"
imnew
"Let them capture us" you said. "We'll have all the zoo animals and dumb tourists we can eat" you said...
metsfan
And when the tiny capsules were placed into the water, they grew too enormous sizes. Ones that had to be contained and controlled.
woodeye
As you can see, the complicated fire escapes of their time led to complete extinction.
klayb
Micheal bay's storage of random crap is pretty empty except for this pair of red dinosaur (who knows what kind of crap he's gonna pull out with this one...)
BillWilliams
A horse and Sarrah Jessica Parker go into a bar. The bartender goes, "Why the long faces?"
dpollok
Well sir, we're not really sure why the kids aren't playing on the new jungle gym set.
Zaphod
"look, Steve, we know we can't be sure what color the dinosaurs really were, but let me assure you they probably weren't THAT color."
momoy
"I don't care if you cry all the way home, Billy. We're not getting one of these for a pet."
Kamikaze Phoenix
These guys have to go to the vet. They've been coughing all night. Boy they hate car trips. This won't be fun...
TalkToPizza
"Guys just keep still and we'll blend in!" "This trap is so awesome, I kick ass."
Dr.Vegapunk
NEW AND IMPROVED VERSION! Inability to hide! (warning, may be able to hide among carnage)
troll_alx
Dinosaur prisons were exceptionally cruel, which is why there was so little dino-crime.
piromaniacson
I tried to explain to Cody Paul what the trickle down theory was and why it didn't work. He argued with me and his very last sentence started with, "But Glenn Beck said..." So i pushed him off the building...turns out the raptor at the bottom got the
crackcorn
"Hey Rex, when we break out tonight, who you gonna eat, first?" "I get dibs on the F***** who painted us pink."
Joey_09876
Well since this is a dinosaur instead of a horse, we can replace all the Sarah Jessica Parker jokes with Steve Buscemi jokes.
fac51
listen if we live for millions and millions of years I just can't see high rise living catching on.
GWC
This doesn't seem like the right release point, Phil. I mean there's no fence and we're right next souvenir shop. Eh, fuck it, let's knock this out and get lunch.
jmxcomp
Still under construction, this innovative housing solution solves two problems. It will reduce both the homeless population and the cost of feeding velociraptors.
Backinblack
We could solve all the world's problems in one day if we released them at a Britney Spears concert.
klayb
Oh nothing like Christmas to scare the living crap out of your kid if he doesn't behave well...
EvaUnit00
The real reason you enjoyed melting ants and army men with your magnifying glass. Preparation.
Pieter
"Hey, when I said, 'This place could use three cages of red raptors', that was just an expression! Oh, there is no such expression? Sorry, my bad."
Supernova310
This is what happens when southern people find out African Red Raptors are hard workers.
beige
$100,000 to commission art explaining that the red states are just a bunch of dinosaurs trapped by their religious upbringing. Or you could blog about prop 8 and look like slightly less of a pretentious douche...
papajon0s1
"That new dinosaur exhibit? Yeah, I red all about it." (yeah, I know. Puns never do well...)
tdturner87
VelociraptoR? The top one is a baby Godzila the second is a plastic statue and the third is a shrunken T-rex. Now choose your pokemon.
RogersIB
What happened to all the kids in the petting zoo, and why are those green dinosaurs suddenly red?
scottwr08
Ok Steve, we are in compliance with the SAPCA's ordered to use humane traps when catching stray dinosaurs. The problem arises when we need to set them free. Good luck buddy.
Manwishes
sure there are 3 dinosours in a cage out on the street, but did they really have to be red...?
imnew
Jurassic Park 4000: "So we'll bring the dinosaurs back, but this time we make 'em hover...you know so they're even more impractical as a tourist attraction
Dickstyles
As if the Giant bodies, Long Talons, and Sharp teeth weren't warning enough...Someone decided to paint them Red also.
Boxy
I got really drunk last nght. Instead of seing pink elephants I saw pink T Rexs'.The good t hing was they were in cages. Whew!
erob3131
"Ok F&*king pledges, here is your last test...F&*k these red dinosaurs...then do a beer bong...and don't puke or punch you in the F*&king Throat!
DTrojan
George Bush senior, John McCain, and Jimmy Carter all got on the open air bus to go pay their respects to Uncle Teddy.
DTrojan
Yes, California has some old prisoners on death row, but thats because they never execute any of them.
DTrojan
The velociraptors camoflage was so successful they lived undetected for millions of years, untill they bought into the global warming theory and changed their colors.
RogersIB
Helpful Hint #12: Crating your man eating dinosaur will aid in the house training process.
Munsi
I always order the raptor club sandwhich, but i can never finish it. Guess i'll never learn...
scar28fo
Red dinosaurs get caged, while purple dinosaurs are free to fuck little children as they please. BULLSHIT
PandaBoy
Modern velociraptors find this ab incredibly offensive image of their old relatives.
dd12321
I wish that I was creative like so many others here. I just can't think outside of the box. And yes, that was a terrible pun.
savinator
It sure was nice of Mr. Slate to let us park our new Porscheraptors in the Jurassic Parking Garage. (cliche overload)
MoleKingQ
The assemble yourself Jurassic Park kit was cool but it took forever to cut all those little connections.
trademen
After watching Jurasic Park science learned a valuable lession. Small cage, small cage, small cage.
volumeguy
Being in cages made the raptors feel like pet birds--little did they know that 200 million years later . . .
concarne
they have been preserved since prehistoric times in red plastic...exactly the same method used to preserve Walt Disney. Soon we're gonna see ol' Walt walking down the street, shaking red bits out of his mustache and shouting "ARE THE JEWS GONE YET?!?
studio246
One miniature golf course goes out of business, and suddenly everyone's an artist...
mbennett438
"We thought we had just ONE in the attic... turns out, there were more above the garage...
quagmyre
Scientific studies have shown that raptors color will change in response to their diet. These were captured shortly after a gay pride parade.
mbennett438
Raptors here, raptors there, there's only so much room... WHAT DO I DO WITH ALL THESE RAPTORS??? (Narrator's voice) "YOU NEED RAPT'R STACK'R.. NOW, GOT A RAPTOR? JUST STACK HER! WHAT? ANOTHER RAPTOR? JUST STACK HER! RAPT'R STACK'R COMES IN ALL COLORS
mbennett438
...Well, when they die, we just flush them down the toilet... I mean, something this small they won't even NOTICE at the sewer plant.....
mbennett438
...The trouble started when we were feeding this one stray, you know, 'cuz we felt sorry for her... Well, it turns out she was PREGNANT... We might just get her spayed.....
Parthos
Hmm you think after the first one was trapped the other two would have avoided the BIG FUCKING RED CAGES!!!
angst9ine
Three Raptors in a cage, one got married and ate his babe, the second got furious and bi curious, and the third was the Guinea pig who's ass was raped ( by number 2 to clarify )
Swiffo
And it gets really strange when you notice they're floating off the bottom of the cage.
Spitz512
C'mon!! You geeks buy all the other Marvel Super Heroes action figures. Why not Devil Dinosaur?
RMount17
Billy, the smallest velociraptor was forced to deal with being defecated on by his two older brothers, in the sadistic, Chinese-made, cage.
yeahme
Pictured: top - thrower, bottom - catcher, middle - no preference...just likes to fuck
.mckay.
top one: "*fart* Ahhh that feels nice." middle one: "What the FUCK!? Did you just SHIT on me?!" bottom one: "GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!!!"
ZigZagWanderer
Must have been hard to push out those funny lookin' raptor eggs, no wounder there all red.
Imfuckingawsome
Spielberg's vision of a Jurassic Park / Tron mash-up just never came to fruition.
sagittarius1203
PETA seized these raptors because their owner didn't have the 1000+ acres needed for them to exercise/play/kill!
1.21jigawatt
I'd buy these over those f*ckin' Zhu Zhu Hampsters. Typical, I want the middle one.
RogersIB
Apparently Barney's family was not so happy. Dinosaur protective services had to take away his brood to protect them from his TYRANNY-ASAUR
jonnyt84107
jonnyt84107 I put these here so when people say "they're so big" I can say, "that's what she said "
lynnae
They're getting ready to ride the Dinosaur Train!!! (I gotta stop watching tv with my kid)
robo042
Hey, you see that guy on the bench over there? He's over there on the bench staring at us, see him? Yeah, FUCK that guy.
Banter
The 'raptors were determined that the bulls weren't gonna wimp out of the big showdown.
Dickstyles
"How did we get caught, you ask? Well, for starters, I think RED is horrible camouflage!"
erob3131
I am F&*king moving...after Steven Spielberg's son moved in the parties have gotten out of control.
erob3131
Barney's lesser known cousins Mitch, Harvey and Igor went to Prison this weekend; they ate 43 children.
Papillon
The lowest raptor is REALLY in a bad mood, the other two raptors above keep crapping on him.
Mantiso
if I had to guess, I'd say it's some type of home for the elderly. No!!! you're shitting me
damiguel
now i realize how dinosaurs got extinct. mother nature had her period. damn aunt flow!
savinator
"What did you guys do?" "Nothing. Everyone in here is innocent, bitch. Now shut up so we can have butt sex."
savinator
We're PCs, and Windows 7 was our idea! Now if you'll excuse us we have yo go to sleep in our poop.
jonnyt84107
I was going to say or looks like three giant turkey's but them Dr. Grant would have tell me how they would kill me and scare the shit out of me.
kaly76hummer
Recently, I found an age-gap site called __Agegapmingle.com__ It's a nice place for Younger Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each other. Age gap is not problem there. You may check out or tell your friends
cjmo75
"It's just our luck. Micheal Jackson died before he could use us to impress some naive kid!"
piet9007
Lady GaGa's demands on her European Tour grew more elaborate with every passing day.
Charlie1224
Failed actors for Barney the dinosaur were dangerous so the cast put them in cages it's their blood on them.
Neolithicman
oh my god. they have come back. TO THE SHIP QUICKLY TAKE THE WOMAN AND CHILDREN.
Rhymenstein
Gentlemen! Behold -- we just have to cage two more, and we have -- The Jurassic 5!
NOBLE
These cages are severely more secure than the cages used in Jurassic Park. They probably even come with a lego hitch!
Munsi
You take a dino from the bottom and you put it on top, you take a dino from the middle and you put it on top...
weenur
Alright on 3... If you had to cage any type of dinosaur what would it be?... VELOCIRAPTOR!
geewizz
Rex Grossman finally quit football, but made a comeback playing basketball for the Toronto Raptors.
failatlife
The only thing more terrifying than Velociraptors are those unfashionable colours. Oscar Wilde does not approve.
daellis
OK, so when we open the cages and release the raptors, you shoot as many as you can, then run like hell. We'll just be over there laughing at you from our little bunker.
87gn
Oh no...that smokestack can't be a good thing. Looks like the Red Raptors have overpopulated again and are headed for a "humane adjustment".
Campy
Dino 1: "How the hell are we going to get out of this mess?" Dino 2: "HOLY SHIT! A talking dinosaur!"
Bearhound
Wait, arent the red ones supposed to be on reservations? I thought we were keeping the black ones in cages?
SMURFYSA
Don't worry these are just here, for now while the zoo director try's to think of a appropriate habitat for them
SMURFYSA
JUST REPORTED TURKEYS FOR THANKSGIVING ARE IN SHORT SUPPLY, DONT WORRY FOLKS WE HAVE A WONDERFUL ALTERNITIVE FOR YOU
l3illythek1d
Anybody else uneasy at the fact that they're FLOATING? The dinosaur flu hits this winter.
mbennett438
I'm NOT takin' the 3 of 'em for a walk at the same time, and that's final... Have you tried lifting the "doody bag" for just ONE??
mbennett438
...Hi, I'm sorry, I just HAD to talk to SOMEONE... What?... No, it's one of those crazy laws that's on the books and they haven't bothered to change it... You can't have a raptor in the house after 8AM... That's the law...
mbennett438
...We just thought it'd be fun to breed 'em... and you can make a little money on the side, too... It really helps, now the economy's gone to shit....
Charlie1224
One way Professor Dumbledore wasted his time, while he could have caught Voldemort before he killed Harry's parents.
Charlie1224
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles used to have them as rivals but they were so stupid they were tricked into cages.
Charlie1224
"BILLY MAYS HERE IF YOU WANT REVENGE THE DINORAPTOR SYSTEM IS THE BEST WAY. THESE CARNIVORES WILL KILL ANYTHING INCLUDING CATS DOGS COMPUTERS AND PEOPLE.
Charlie1224
"Next on "Doctor" Phil, how to settle interspieces coflicts." "It's only a matter of will-AAHHHH."
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