An Almost Christmas Round-Up

Guys, seriously, Christmas is almost here. You've only got a few days left for being a douchebag, and then you gotta be nice for a couple of days. Or, if you don't celebrate Christmas, you can just go back to being a year-round douchebag.

Personally, we're taking this opportunity to be douchebags in the only way we know how: taking your comments out of context and making fun of them for no reason.

Happy Holidays!

First up, Swaim helps you waste several hours of your day watching internet videos. Meanwhile, is it just Bucholz or is President Bush more Sub Zero-like than anyone gave him credit for? Speaking of slightly badass things, Brockway has a list of severely badass things. DOB just keeps ruining Christmas.

6 Insane Discoveries that Science Can't Explain
Once again, it's up to Cracked to pick up Science's slack. This is the last time, Science.

Notable Comment: DeluxeSyntax says "This is the coolest, most well written, most hilarious article I've stumbled upon in a long, long time. I'm definitely sticking around, glad I found this place." Give her a break, gang, she's new. She doesn't yet realize that the comments are for arguing about politics, posting "First" and fighting about bullshit, and not praising the article. She'll learn.

The 12 Most Horrifically Misleading Euphemisms
But seriously though, check out the pictures.

Notable Comment: exploding_girl says "this article just made me sad. i didn't even bother finishing it. so much for this being a comedy site, cracked. you're supposed to be making light of real life, not reinforcing how much it can suck sometimes, geez!" Oh, cheer up. It's not like we said the economy is in the shitter and that everybody dies, (though, it is, and they do). Smile!

The 6 Most Politically Incorrect Video Game Moments
This list is, admittedly, very Japan-heavy.

Notable Comment:CodyCastor is one of our favorite commenters. "I've always had a major problem with Tetris. The makers are clearly insinuating that the proud Russian people are nothing but blocks, popping up at random only to be placed wherever Western Whitey deems appropriate. I started a boycott at my school to get parents to keep their children from seeing this vile piece of American propoganda. Then I got punched in the fuckin' eye.

8 Guinness World Record Attempts that Failed Hilariously
lol_alf "I'll make my own Guinness book... with Blackjack... and hookers! In fact, screw the Guinness book!" Bender!

Notable Comment:Wow. Well, that's the last time we call "football" "soccer," we can tell you that. From now on, whenever we want to talk about "American Soccer," we'll use a different, made-up word so as to avoid a) confusion and b) absurdly furious reactions from Non-Americans. From now on, we'll just call it "Rugby."

The 6 Worst "Vacations" People Actually Pay For
Take a vacation, murder a defenseless cow, and spend all the rest of your vacation days regretting it! Forever!

Notable Comment: Warns says "Cracked comment board: Future Serial Killers of America." Nailed it!

Best Dream Ever: Being Bruce Willis in Die Hard
No one actually works in this office, do they?

Worst. Christmas. Ever.
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Boobs on Things that Don't Normally Have Boobs.

Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners? Contribute your own.


Bi-Curious George
by Yarock

Editor's pick:

Sure, where is he?
by Rosstafarian


Ah yes, a shark and an octopus, my favorite dinosaurs.
by jsrduck

Editor's pick:

at least they make midget prison fun...
by jbudman86


Hiding dead hookers is always easy in Vegas.
by spamboy

Editor's pick:

"NO IFS ANDS OR..." or WHAT?! The suspense is killing me!
by CavalierX


it's not raining bitch
by rasputin

Editor's pick:

That's an awful lot of work just to provide a little hamster with a swing-set.
by fkelleghan


And therefore Mr. Bond, if you get an erection, both of your hearts will explode. Mwa HA HA!
by Clubpen15

Editor's pick:

Man, it's gonna be awkward if they ever break up.
by Swaimfan


Chuck Norris considers this a light alcoholic beverage.
by djseifer

Editor's pick:

Get over here!!
And try this whiskey.

by Sentinus


Theres NO way paper beats this!!
by hadabochi

Editor's pick:

Preparing for this year's Darwin Awards.
by Leaf

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