djseifer
This batch of whiskey was later recalled after health inspectors found trace amounts of lead.
jbirchfield
ME----"Yes could I have two shots of your scorpion whiskey" BARTENDER----"Sure what's the ocassion?" ME----"First blowjob" BARTRENDER----"Congrats dude have a third on the house" ME----"No offense, but if two doesn't get the taste out of my mouth
djseifer
Not pictured: Lions in gin, tigers in brandy, grizzly bears in vodka, and sharks in a fine merlot from 1982.
Vincenoir
I want a drink with a bit of a sharp taste preferably something that will blind me after one shot
badonia
remember when your parents caught you smoking & made you smoke a whole pack to scare you from ever doing it again? well my mom just caught me drinking....
Marshmaniac
Sir, your urine sample came back and it appears that you are scorpion positive.
jbirchfield
"Blind taste testing confirms that 9 out of 10 people prefer scorpion vodka to smirnoff, and 10 out 10 people died two hours after drinking scorpian vodka"
duffman449
"This beverage is not intended for women who are nursing, anyone who feels that breathing is essential to their health, those who enjoy continued eyesight, hearing, hand-to-mouth coordination, or to those who JESUS JUST DON'T DRINK THIS FOR THE LOVE
tallestmunchkin
Many considered Kool Aid: Scorpion to be the first indication that the company was failing.
theguybehindyou
Ingredients: black scorpions, tape worms, the tears of small children, false hopes, empty promises, and the burden of shame. The name of this drink? The Bush Administration.
Chaos Merchant
If you can drink the whole thing with puking the scorpions won't kill you. Enjoy.
djseifer
It's a little known fact that besides eating lightning and crapping thunder, Rocky also drank scorpions and pissed tarantulas.
Onmyougod
When i was growing up, my dad always called me a pussy. Well not anymore dammit. not anymore.
jbirchfield
"WHAT THE FUCK !!! WHY IS THERE AN UMBILICAL CHORD IN MY SCORPIAN VODKA? THATS JUST GROSS!!!"
JohnnySartre
Warning! This beverage was made in a facility that also uses peanut products.
JohnnySartre
has anyone else noticed the winner is usually the guy who posted first, annd HIS SHIT SUCKS!!!!!
Brett-Butler
Tragedy struck today as 5 graduates of Scorpion University partied too hard...
Linux fan
"I, uh, think I might have an STD, doc." "Well then, Mr. Satan, I'll need some urine samplesOHMYGOD"
Ricochet09
Gee, Steve, let's find out what happens when we get 10 scorpions drunk and let 'em loose.
duffman449
"This beverage is not intended for women who are nursing, anyone who feels that breathing is essential to their health, those who want to enjoy continued eyesight or brain functions, or to th..JESUS JUST DON'T DRINK THIS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!"
HardcoreMax
The lesser known "scorpion in a bottle prank" isn't as light hearted or as sly as the snake in a can prank.
turbolag
Scientists discover a breed of scorpion that can survive without oxygen for months. Their first order of business, the deadliest practical joke in history.
Raesor
"I can see ONE scorpion getting through Quality Control, but c'mon Joe. Are you even trying?"
zarimar
I prefer fishes having sex in my water than scorpions having an orgy in my alcohol.
Chaos Merchant
Your move. . ? . . RIGHT!? Uh. . . Your move? . . eh. . alcoholics? Do I win?
Swaimfan
I'm sorry guys but the liquor store was understocked. It was either Scorpion Malt or Corona.
Saccharin
Canada, envious of Mexico's Tequila profits, released a less successful line of Whiskey with its own surprise at the bottom.
Towie
If you find the hobo's hand in your bottle, you can win a guided tour of the factory
Hamptoninn
A: Is that corona? B: Of course not. Why would you say that? A: Becasue there is scor-pee-in it!
captkevman
Curiously enough, neither ATF nor the FDA has a listing for "acceptable levels of arthropod per gallon" in their alcohol inspection checklist...so -- we're good!
Noitparc
In an attempt to hide her procedure, Ann Coulter tries to bottle and sell her aborted fetuses
SRLivewire
Yeah, the nuns showed us kids these liquor bottles and told us, "ALL alcohol is like this." You DON'T want to see the sex-education films they showed us ...
ramenkingroshi
You laugh, but what you don't realize is a group of poor third world children spend all day buttering up scorpions and shoving them into these bottles for the amusement of foreigners.
Abboman
Since the release of Snakes on a Plane there has been a noticeable increase in the originality of murder plots.
toacosmo
If you thought Daniel Craig was a badass Bond, then just wait until you see how the NEW Bond takes his martini!
zbeebs
The scorpions in water lived, but the ones in whiskey died. The lesson here? Drink whiskey, and you'll be immune to scorpions!
Gregoclock
diamonds are forever, but nothing makes a woman wet like a scorpion in a jar!
Bionic_Crouton
Waiter! There's a fly in my drink...No, wait, That's not a fly...THAT'S NOT A FLY!!!!
anticarly2
This is what happens when you ask the weird Japanese kid to buy drinks for the party.
jacknifej
**...Frank, have you ever wondered if theres more to life than this? ...thats dangerouse thinking Tony**
Truthiness
Make your own 80's hair metal band in 3 easy steps. Instruments sold separately.
NotMike
If you really, REALLY want someone you know to stop drinking, probably forever, then pick up a few of these.
S-Jizzle
While people seem to focus on the scorpion, WHAT THE FUCK IS THE STRINGY SHIT?!?!
Jarhead
The scorpion race had figured out the humans one weakness, alcohol! Now all they had to do was set the trap and the world would be theirs.
crackedkills
It was too late when the scorpions realised that filling the jars up with their own urine would in fact not make it easier to escape; once again, steve was wrong.
SRLivewire
I'm not gonna try it, You try it ... I'M not gonna try it, let's get Mikey, He HATES everything! Yeah! ... Hey Mikey ... He likes...it ... hey ... mikey? Mikey ??? MIKEYY !!!!??? MOM !!!! CALL 911 !!!! MIKKEYYYY !! WAKE UP DAMMIT !!!!!
spud
Parental Warning: Scorpion drinks are a 'Gateway' drug to harder things. If you don't want your children drinking CHAINSAWS, please keep them away from this!
ramenkingroshi
I swear to god if another fucking Chuck Norris "joke" wins one of these I am going to start braining people.
badonia
the flavor comes on slowly. first a hint of nutmeg on the tongue, then a plum sensation takes over, then you bite into a disgusting pickled scorpion. did you even look at the bottle first steve?
wavedout
As he laid out our gifts on the table, it was fairly evident Dad waited until the last minute for Christmas shopping.
djseifer
After the failure of Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe, Scorpion enters the spirits business.
spoo
Cloverfield Criiter-Be-Gone® $14.99 For when you wake up crabby with that stinging sensation on your neck. Ask for it by name: Cloverfield Criiter-Be-Gone® Order now and we'll double your order for free.
jbirchfield
"Yes excuse me, but how much are the bottles of scorpians giving each other sixty-nine?"
Swaimfan
What do you get for the man who has everything this Christmas? If you're in the will, this.
Fkelleghan
“Now son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddies and kids with fake IDs.”
cyrusII
"You need something with a little more kick than a Spanish fly? Alrighty, let me see what I've got in stock."
Kit Kat
When people began doubting the worms in tequila were real, they decided to take things to a new level.
War8nt
Having problems getting it up? Well once you drink this your penis will be the last thing you will worry about.
stevehorth
If only there was a way to get these incredibly valuable lobsters past the airport Customs screeners...
joester619
With the economic scare, Jose Cuervo started to use cheaper and more unorthodox ingredients.
KillYourself
In an effort to help pay off her campaign debts, Hillary begins selling bottles of her urine on Ebay.
theguybehindyou
"Don't knock it till you've tried it." The last words now engraved on the tombstones of recent deaths...
Wazula
-Waiter! There's two Peruvian emperor scorpions and some chunks of mashed newt fetuses in my drink! -Don't worry. We won't charge you extra.
JohnnySartre
After a night of hardcore drug use and unprotected sex with Tijuanan prostitutes, only one brand of arachnid-based water can quench MY thirst.........Scorpion Water Be a freakin man, ask for it by name
mactheknife
unlike Sex Panther, this calogne Scorpion Sex, works 100% of the time, everytime, yet it is illegal in 34 countries.
Fishboy
"So life doesn't seeem too good right now...sand in your claws, not got as much poison in the the ol' stinger - but that's no reason to climb into a bottle."
Victorious
Tired of those pussy celeb endorsed drinks like Sammy Hagar and Puff Daddy? Hi, Im Chuck Norris, and One sip of my new Tequila will hit you like one of my roundhouse kicks.
Fkelleghan
I always say, if you haven't eaten the stuff in the back of your pantry for a year, might as well throw it out.
Mr.Ogynist
Scorpion... there's no easy way to say this. I think you and your friends are alcoholics.
vAzNKNiGHT
I consider these the works of amateurs; they're missing the core ingredients: ground dung-beetles and skunk sphincters.
crayola13
The Colonial Marine's drink of choice: Little Face-huggers that turn you in to a Toilet-Hugger
Turnus
"I've had it without the scorpions, and let me tell you, it tastes like crap that way."
SRLivewire
That Tequila with the worm is only for tourists, THIS is what the locals drink ...
Mr.Solitaire
The Government's new method of curbing underage drinking has drawn comforted silence from the conservative right, and blood from many an unscrupulous teen. God speed, young scorpions. God speed.
SRLivewire
... the boys down in Marketing think the bottle's 'shape' is killing sales ...
kagezan
Nobody ever stops to ask how they got the scorpions in there in the first place...a trail of breadcrumbs?
mariam67
Excuse me, but I seem to have gotten some vegetable matter in with my pickled scorpion. Can I have another?
crackedkills
99 bottles of death on the wall, 99 bottles of death, you take one down you -dead-
Rubenstinsky
When you asked if a wanted a scorpion stinguer, I just tought it was just a cool name, not a FUCKIN DEADLY SCORPION
ClubPen15
I don't care how cheap it is down there, I am not drinking anything you brought me from Guatamala.
toacosmo
The ironic part is that you have to be pretty damn drunk in the first place to even begin to get this down.
SenorHonkHonk
Stash of the Titans! Cos, er, there was a big scorpion in Clash of...oh, please yourself.
Chaos Merchant
"Bartender, do you know how to make a scorpion sour?" "Actually my friend, THAT is my specialty."
GenPayne
After getting the idea from drinks with worms in them, all alcohlic beverages include a free scorpion!
djseifer
"Remember the time I drank the worm down in Tijuana? I think I found a way to top it."
XenophobicAlien
Customer: So is this whiskey any good?. Seller:Oh!, This whiskey is not for drinking, it for pouring down your Testicle. Its a remedy for people with low sperm count. GUY from tHA Show about having 9 kids: I'll TAKE TWO BOTTLES.
DrKelso420
Spiderman went a little nutso in his plan to lure out Scorpion and enslaved his whole family as bonsai pets
cjacobs131
Alcoholic's Anonymous were taking drastic steps to prevent people from drinking
Weasil
In recent news: 39 alcoholics died of fear-induced panic attacks during a party at Gary Busey's Arizona ranch-house.
Wazula
"No, Coors does NOT contain urine! Please stop spreading such slanderous lies...."
patjk73
One Tequila... Two Tequila... Three Tequila... Floaghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
Trizzit
We thought Jimmy just had a problem peeing in bottles, but after inspecting them we realized there was a greater issue here.
Trizzit
We're fairly certain our beers are the only ones to provide that extra "crunch" everyone favors.
turkeyslapper
"It's... black lobster liquor, Steve! I can't believe you've never heard of it!" "Well I... Ok fill it up!"
MrMicklepie
After a cameraman had to be rushed to hospital, the producers dropped this trial from I'm A Celebrity, |Get me Out of Here.
crackedkills
Not exactly what Lucas was going for when he told them to set up the holy grail room.
SRLivewire
... I'M not gonna try it, let's get Mikey, he hates everything, yeah ... Mikey?... MIKEYY?!!!!
Mothershabooboo
Sub-Zero was subsiquintly killed saying "Scorpion? I ate Scorpian's Heart and now I'll drink his bodled children".
Mothershabooboo
And you thought this drink was hard going down. Just wait till the morning after.
Falcoteer
After the ASPCA complained about worms in the tequila bottles, Acme Tequila decided to shoot them the bird. Or, rather, the scorpion.
Batman?
After chuckling to myself after peeing in a can of beer, I felt a blow to my prankster ego as I came across John's joke.
blitzone
Nothing says "I hate your drinking" to your favorite alcoholic like these stocking stuffers.
Sawyer
Wait a minute, what are these? Scorpions in Maple Syrup? I asked if you sell any stamps.
Dadabo
Dont worry about how they got them in, just worry about what happens when they get out.
Dr.Oblivious
Why? Because we're fucking hardcore and everyone needs to know. That's why. Now drink up.
Bamfin101
Finally, someone has bottled the glorious essence of 80's super group The Scorpions.
Sunsting
Much like ships, your scorpion must be carefully folded before inserting it into your bottle
AussieChick
"Hmm, this whiskey is missing something but I don't know what" "how about scorpions?" "...BRILLIANT!"
satanrocks668
swallowing a worm is for lightweights. you're not a light weight, are you?
Windphilosopher
OH MY GOD. Are those peppers? I HATE PEPPERS. Fuck that shit man, I ain't drinkin that.
Windphilosopher
God smites those who dare to mix booze and vegetables. You have been warned.
Timewalker
What started as a simple prank of pissing in the drinks soon escalated into how much shit can we put in here until we all die
SRLivewire
Coca Cola's SECRET ingredient finally revealed, which also turns out to be the SAME secret ingredient in Kentucky Fried Chicken, Super Glue, The Black Plague, AIDS, and LSD ...
BrettB
I knew it was time to see the doctor when the fifth urine sample turned out the same as the previous four.
spud
QUESTION: What do you get when you mix a Bottle of Whiskey with Herbs, Spices and Black Scorpions? ANSWER: A Bottle of Whiskey, Herbs, Spices, Black Scorpions, and a Thousand Lame CRAPTIONS!
lazygarfield
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson drank these to prepare for his role as the Scorpion King.
Ripper
"Uh, to be honest, I thought a "Screaming Hideous Death By Convulsive Seizure" was just a fancy cocktail name..."
spud
That AIN'T nuthin'; when my Granny lost HER mind, she accidently baked the DOG for Thanksgiving!
a-random-dude
The deathstalker likes to get a little buzz on before it's six different f**k-you-up neurotoxins make you wish you drank piss, corona, instead of fireball death wiskey.
SRLivewire
Someone in Claussen's quality control department is gonna get a visit from management, just you wait and see ...
sofaking
Ok, we got some purple stuff, some soda, some stuff with scorpions in it, oh and Sunny D, woo! thanks for the D mom!!
TomF68
A few shots of this and you have the uncontrollable urge to sing "Rock You Like a Hurricane."
spud
NO JOKE: You wanna know how they did this? First, they put the scorpions in the bottles as BABIES; nurturing them all along with good food and fresh air. Then one day when the scorpions get BIG enough, they snatch away the food and replace it with PI
spud
TRUE STORY: First, they put the scorpions in the bottles as BABIES; feeding them with food. Then, when the scorpions get BIG, they take away the food and replace it with PICKLING BRINE, to sell as novelties ...kind of like what the Public schools di
toanoradian
This'll be good on number 5 of my 'The 6 Deadliest Creature (That Can Fit Into Your Drinks)'. Those hundreds of dollars I get will be used to treat Norris.
PalinIsNotAMILF
fuck Fosters -- the "Death Stalker", the new national beverage of Australia
Kinch
When life gives you outrageous quantities of spiny, venomous arthropods, make fucking whiskey.
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