Cracked Round-Up: A Plea To Our Readers

We're going to get straight to the point: is having some legal trouble. Some ridiculous human rights organization thinks that we're playing a "major role" in the trans-Pacific domestic slave trade. It's all just bullshit, but the government wants us to explain the whereabouts of around twelve-hundred of our former staffers.

So if a few hundred of you wouldn't mind dressing up in costume, assuming a false identity, and lying to the police for us, that'd be just peachy. We can't pay you, but we are offering a free one-way bulk-rate flight to South-East Asia to all volunteers.

Continue Reading Below


This week started off with some investing advice, straight from Nicholas Cage (by way of Chris Bucholz). Brockway followed up with some advice for dealing with Xbox hardware issues. Cody wrote about how much he loved AMC's The Prisoner, while Seanbaby put words in Wonder Woman's mouth (sometimes). Dan O'Brien closed things off by putting forth a troubling philosophical question to the collective wisdom of the comments section.

They mostly made gay jokes.

7 Great Products For Telling The World You're A Rich Dick

Why attain wealth if not to flaunt it before your fellow man?

Notable Comment:
Continue Reading Below


"Actually lot of rich people are thrifty, Cracked. For instance, my friends and I prefer to beat the homeless people on our property with clubs instead of wasting money on bullets."

Fantastic, we at Cracked thank you for taking Mother Earth into consideration. Perhaps you might try composting the corpses too?

Continue Reading Below


8 Online Fads You Didn't Know Where Invented Decades Ago

So the Internet didn't turn us into a horde of gibbering fucktards. We've just always been that way.

Notable Comment:

"...I was a kid in Eastern Europe after 1982...I'm not even kidding. I was born in Yugoslavia in 1988. Still never heard of audio cassette pirating. "

Continue Reading Below


VincentDantes grew up in Eastern Europe! Maybe he can tell us what cabbage schnapps tastes like.

The 6 Most Unintentionally Creepy Movie Romances

All of these romances were invented by writers, the one group of people on this earth least qualified to talk about relationships.

Notable Comment:

"You left out anything starring an "aged" Sean Connery. I'm looking at you Entrapment!! "

Asur, there's nothing creepy about making love to Sean Connery.

6 Inventors Who Got Jack Shit For Changing The Modern World

If you work hard and manage to create something truly exceptional, you too can know the joy of not getting credit for your invention.

Continue Reading Below


Notable Comment:

Azureskies says, "You know who else doesn't get enough respect? The guy who invented the knot. Imagine where the world would be if no one had thought to intertwine two peaces of flexible fibers together so as to attach two things that aren't naturally sticky. There would have been no nautical advancements whatsoever because all the boats would have floated off to sea when the tide came in. "

We felt puntarget68's quote deserved recognition, although we're not really sure why.

7 Popular Chick Flicks That Secretly Hate Women

We'd like to dedicate this article to the six interns who lost their lives doing the research for this article. None of them made it all the way through Twilight.

Continue Reading Below


Continue Reading Below


Notable Comment:

AmbrMerlinus chided, "Congrats. You chose the International Transgender Day of Remembrance to use "tranny" as an insult. "

So, correct us if we're wrong here, using the word "tranny" as an insult any other day would be fine?

Agents of Cracked
The Curse Of The Idol

The dreaded performance review.

If Blockbuster films had been made for $50

We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Handprint Art Project More Badass Than Turkey.

Continue Reading Below


Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners? Contribute your own.


"who the hell are you calling Sarah Jessica Parker??"
by iantendo

Editor's pick:

How centaurs are made
by bcanders


I could make a joke about white trash, but that would be too easy. Like your mom.
by Ledouche

Editor's pick:

Rorschach's Journal, November 18th, 2009: City grows more decrepit every day. Human insects parading around, self indulgent. Metaphor about human trash even came true. Sick with this country. I leave it to its guilty pleasures.
by Valthonis

Continue Reading Below



San Francisco SWAT
by bryp777

Editor's pick:

I think we all know what the knee pads are for..
by tsiegle


Just then, Sonic the Hedgehog burst through the door with a determined look on his face.
by Gatt

Editor's pick:

They're making a vowel movement...
by Backinblack


I question the motives of any man who puts supermodel lips on a painting of a monkey.
by Roclawlzi

Editor's pick:

Steve's Portrait of a black man may not have been in good taste.
by metsfan


That'll do, massive abomination, that'll do.
by Roclawzi

Editor's pick:

I thought seeing the giant pig would be fun but it was just a big boar.
by Leaf


Is that man in the sign having sex with that baby?
by Xanatos

Editor's pick:

November 13, 2009, 2:06 p.m.: Yarn becomes self-aware.
by spectre_vampire

To turn on reply notifications, click here


Load Comments

More Articles

5 Of The Most 'Wuh?' Facts History Class Never Covered

These hilarious stories should have been taught in every school.


5 'Ugh' Trump Stories The News Totally Forgot About

We're so inundated with Trump news that we shrug off scandals that would tank any other president.


5 Historical Landmarks (That Are Total Frauds)

Some of the most historical sites in the world are just trying to compete with Disneyland.


6 Obnoxious Tourist Scams From Around The Globe

Every tourist destination has scammers looking to separate the unwary from their money.


5 Towns Ruined By The Movies Filmed There

We're not sure if you've noticed this, but movie fans can get a little ... obsessive.


4 Reasons Traveling Around The USA Totally Sucks

Pretty much everything about our transportation network is royally screwed.