Cracked Columnists
The 9 Biggest Bastards of 2011
Some were good bastards ... most were bad
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- By Brendan McGinley
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0 10 Real Survival Guides for One Very Fake Apocalypse
As we move into 2012, the final year of human existence, I wanted to take a look back on the last great apocalypse-- Y2K.
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- By Seanbaby
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6 Terrifying Reasons You Shouldn't Smoke Synthetic Weed
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- By Adam Tod Brown
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5 Reasons New Year's Ruins Everything Great About Drinking
New Year's Eve is, quite simply, a bad and broken drinking holiday.
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- By Robert Brockway
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5 Reasons I Wrote the Drunkest Column Ever
The editors said I couldn't do it. Well they- they were right.
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- By Christina H
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A Guide to Holiday Cocktails Written After Drinking Them All
Holiday drinks, much like candy canes and pfeffernusse cookies, have only survived as long as they have because humanity spends eleven months each year forgetting how disgusting they are.
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- By Soren Bowie
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4 Things Both Atheists and Believers Need to Stop Saying
While I can accept whatever's in people's hearts, there's no reason the rest of us have to keep hearing about it. Here are the four things about God I've heard enough of from both atheists and the devout.
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- By Gladstone
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Sci-Fi Stories for Badassed Men
Merry Christmas testosterone: Man Comics!
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- By Seanbaby
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The 4 Christmas Articles You'll See On The Internet
This year, instead of going all over the Internet and reading everything you come across, I'll save us all some time and just tell you the kind of Christmas articles you're going to see. This year and every year.
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- By Daniel O'Brien
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The Most Insanely Violent Cartoon Ever (Is About the Bible)
I celebrate Christmas each year despite being non-religious. This mostly involves watching Die Hard on repeat and drinking copious amounts of Whiskeynog. This year, though, I'm actually going to study up on Christianity, using the most effective and distinguished tools I know: late night cartoons on TBN.
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- By Robert Brockway
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The 7 Types of Holiday Fights You're About to Get In
The busiest fighting week of the year is almost upon us. Across the world families will soon come together and rediscover the reasons they moved apart in the first place, arguments growing into fights, growing into turkey-scented orgies of ruptured feelings.
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- By Chris Bucholz
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5 Reasons Calling Someone a 'Nerd' Is Officially Meaningless
Back in the day, nobody called themselves a nerd. Other people called them that, and then gave them a wedgie. Now, many people get so proud of being nerds that they get mad when anyone implies they are not a real nerd. How did this happen?
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- By Christina H
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Occupy the High School Senior Parking Lot: A Manifesto
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- By Soren Bowie
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The 6 Stupidest Video Game School Commercials
You know that throwing in a random game term doesn't magically make sense out of the rest of your sentence, right? If it did, then Donkey Kong for into my ping pong banana.
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- By Seanbaby
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The 9 Most Likely Reasons You've Been Unfollowed on Twitter
I'm actually speaking for all people on Twitter. Well, not all. I'm certainly not speaking for these jackasses herein.
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- By Gladstone
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