CRACKED ROUND-UP: Crotch Rot Awareness Edition
It doesn't get much media attention, but crotch rot is the third leading cause of de-crotchment among males age 18-35. You can help fight the spread of crotch rot by blow-drying a crotch near you today. Don't ask permission. Just get on up in there. They'll thank you later.
Soren Bowie is moulding the minds of tomorrow. You can decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing after reading these letters from his students. Chris Bucholz followed up with some investigative journalism inside the company responsible for that obnoxious "Friday" video. Brockway threw one out for the working man with his article on candid photos of badass protestors. Are your testosterone levels running low? Have your testicles retreated up into your taint? Read Seanbaby's latest Man Comics and get them back! Dan O'Brien closed things up with his youngster-sobering article on things "they" never told you.
|The 9 Most Offensive 9/11 References in Pop Culture
What was tough was narrowing it down to only nine.
Notable Comment: "I don't know if it counts as a reference exactly, but the horrible, horrible SyFy movie "Disaster Zone: Volcano in New York" actually used stock footage of 9/11 for their special effects when the volcano broke through the ground. It was pretty horrible."
That's not evil, skwerl, that's thrifty.
|5 Useful Organizations You Think Are Evil Thanks To Movies
Maybe we could switch the pounds and insane asylums. Crazy people could be adopted by kindly old spinsters and dogs would get to wander around a big white room full of friendly people.
Notable Comment: "The last time I saw a fast-food chain as the bad guy? Goodburger. Although, in the author's defense, the good guy was also a fast-food chain."
NoahJacoby, maybe you didn't get the memo. The entire civilized world has agreed to pretend Goodburger didn't happen.
|The 5 Most Shocklingly Insane Modern Dictators
It's almost like power corrupts or something. Has anyone ever said that, guys? Did we come up with that? We're taking credit for it.
Notable Comment:"Pillboxes everywhere? Sounds like Hoxha was a fan of Command & Conquer: Red Alert."
Actually, McCrumley, we're pretty sure Hoxha helped inspire Red Alert. Especially the bits about time travel.
|5 Reasons Humanity is Terrible at Democracy
We're big supporters of anarchy here at Cracked. Specifically, the brand of anarchy based around hitting people with shovels when they have nicer cars than us.
Notable Comment:"Hmmm, good, but needs more dick jokes. "
That's what they said about Spartacus, Superstar2559.
|6 Brilliant Inventions That Look Like Gag Gifts
Seriously science, powdered water?
Notable Comment: "Helicopter ejection seats are awesome gag gifts. What is a gag gift?"
Don't pretend an ejection seat wouldn't be the best gag gift ever, PancakeTune. The look on their face would justify ay cost.
YOU YOU YOU!
|If Movie Posters Were Honest
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, If Every Movie Got Its Own Saturday Morning Cartoon Show and If Every Excuse Was Actually TRUE.
"Well, officer, as near as I could tell, the pot called the kettle black, then everyone took sides and all hell broke loose."
It's a work of art, but I can't tell from which period.
A monument to coke mule Pedro Gonzalez, and his record breaking passage through Miami International Airport.
H-O-S-E. I asked for the fire HOSE.
The slightest mis-step could turn this Porno for Pyros into a Flaming Lips show.
Because synchronized swimming is for pussies.
"Your move, Geico.
The Jameson distillery fire of 1986 might have taken the lives of 46 people, but those fighting the blaze made sure that not a single barrel of whiskey was lost.
It was official. Steve did not know how to deliver pizzas.
Those crazy gangsters and their turf wars.
Some species of crabgrass are extremely aggressive and nearly impossible to stop.
It was almost time for his second night in the museum...and Ben Stiller was ready.
The Emperor's New Clothing Shop.