Introductory paragraph that both welcomes you to the round-up and briefly explains the ever-changing title. Supporting sentence that reinstates a thought presented in the first sentence. Third sentence that ironically deviates pattern set by the first two sentences, thereby challenging your preconceived notions, causing you to laugh instinctively.

Sorry. We got caught up in that because we're still kind of obsessed with BriTANicK's amazing Oscar video. And we're not the only ones. Roger Ebert and Stephen Fry both Tweeted it, and Time Magazine wrote about it. Which makes us wonder: if you haven't seen it yet...what the hell's the matter with you?

COLUMNS! This week they kicked off with Cody's uncomfortable look at tween pop stars. Next, Fortey EXPLODED a column about a terrible mental illness right into your FACE. Brockway blew some minds with a startling look inside the Justice System, while Dan O'Brien pitched a treatment for the best movie ever. Seriously, they could have those jet pack robots he made and everything.

Da Vinci designed Jet Pack Robots, right?

5 Creepy Ways Video Games Are Trying To Get You Addicted

At least our coke dealer is honest about his job. Well, to everyone but the police and his kid.

Notable Comment:

"The real danger will come when businesses recognize how games create such devotion/addiction, and begin applying these techniques on their employees in the office, on the assembly line, in fast food restaurants, etc. With so much work computerized, it would be very easy for the majority of jobs in industrialized nations to be wired with drops, level ups, etc. "

We really hope WilmRoget's prediction ends up being terrifyingly accurate..

7 (Thankfully) Extinct Giant Versions of Modern Animals
7 (Thankfully) Extinct Giant Versions of Modern Animals

We've never been so grateful for comets in all our lives.

Notable Comment:

"Does it not vaguely bother anyone else that this article, like so many other pieces of our culture's media, take the stance that we are at war with everything non-human? I mean, yeah, it's humor, I even laughed at it a little bit, but jesus, really? I've noticed this more and more lately. It's everywhere. "

PercyPants if you aren't with us, you're against us. This fight is for the SPECIES! Now get out there and start shooting something non-human! Koalas are double-points today.

6 Movie Monsters That Just Wouldn't Work

So it turns out coked-up Hollywood screenwriters and George Lucas don't know very much about biology.

Notable Comment:

ZenStorm asks "How can you write an article like this and drop the ball on mentioning all of the needless, useless and gratuitous bioluminescence on Pandora??? Why did everything glow? Why? Creatures with light-up bodies occur where there is no light, like the bottom of the sea. On Pandora, the days were as bright as earth days and the nights were... well... bright as rainy earth days due to Pandora's ridiculously close moon that took up half the damned sky at night. "

And RDean responds...

"Because for centuries the Pandora flora and fauna were subjected copious amounts of hallucinogens in their atmosphere, so they evolved to make everything look f**kin sweet when they're tripping. I think they'll explain that in the Director's Cut."

6 Famous Explorers Who Shaped The World (With Insane Lies)

And the dawning age of space travel means even better lies are just a few decades away.

Notable Comment:

"another list supposedly about the world but really to core is all about the discovery of the goddamn rat cage that is the usa. word the street. bruther power"

partyguy is proof that, if you give a thousand monkeys a thousand typewriters and ten hours, they can churn out a really shitty comment.

7 Celebrities Who Had Badass Careers You Didn't Know About

Holy shit, James Lipton is a badass. We never thought those words would be in a sentence together.

Notable Comment:

"An INTEGRAL part in developing calculus! HA! I wonder if he realized the very clever pun there :) "

Look everyone! NeuroRu is a nerd, beat him up!

Buy The Goddamn DVD!
Announcing The Agents of Cracked DVD (Now with Time Travel)

Subliminal Messages Hidden In Everyday Life
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contest, Historical Bad Decisions Explained Via Infographic

Funny photos. Funnier captions. Submitted by YOU. Voted on by the People. Think you're funnier than this week's winners? Contribute your own.


"Jim, that white turtleneck makes you look ridiculous!"
by Valthonis

Editor's pick:

These mannequin commercials for Old Navy are getting pretty scary.
by sugar-pickle


But apart from that, scientologists raise their children just like everyone else
by oskhen

Editor's pick:

And people wonder why today's kids are so jaded.
by NeilSoan


Poor kid has Down Syndrome.
by Leaf

Editor's pick:

"No, you idiots! TAR FIRST!"
by geniuswaitress


5 minutes later France surrendered
by liberalScum

Editor's pick:

Did you get the license plate number of the Spitfire that hit you?
by cmongo


leaphorse: because leapfrog is for pussies.
by justintheduck

Editor's pick:

Aerosmith's temporary replacement for Steven Tyler had the right moves and teeth, but couldn't sing a lick.
by ESToledo


Hopefully, what ever doesn't kill me, at least gets me laid...
by ESToledo

Editor's pick:

It's a dirty job, but absolutely nobody has to do it.
by Julius_Goat


And you think it's bad when you park under a pigeon.
by Julius_Goat

Editor's pick:

Call the fire department. Tell them...tell them it's a kitten.
by Kamikaze Phoenix

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