- Real Name:
- Member Since:
- October 07, 2009
The news is like a haunted house, but with a lot more jump-scares.
Keeping up with the news is like jumping into a passing flash mob.
We get it. You'd rather chew your own foot off than check the news right now.
The weekly news cycle is like a labyrinth without all the David Bowie.
The media seems to exist in some kind of bizarro universe where nothing is canon.
Look, we get it. At this point in the election cycle, checking the news is just asking for a migraine.
Look, we get it. You can either get your Hillary Quinn costume done by Halloween or keep up with the news.
Keeping up with the news is like sweeping up after a parade made entirely out of elephants drinking espresso.
Look, we get it. You're way too busy roaming the streets trying to catch Pokemon with your cellphone to catch the news. We're here to help.
There's a reason there's no such thing as C-SPAN and chill.