Today's news is like a less plausible version of the wacky fake headlines from 1980s movies set in the future. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every world event while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so).

THE U.S. GOVERNMENT HAS ASKED US FOR... SOMETHING WE CONSIDER TOO DANGEROUS TO CREATE. Apple has refused to comply with a court order to build a sof

Source: Wired

PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS PLANNED A HISTORIC TRIP TO CUBA, MAKING HIM THE FIRST SITTING U.S. PRESIDENT TO VISIT THE COUNTRY IN 88 YEARS. The only other sitt

CRACKED'COM SPOILER? KURT RUSSELL HAS JOINED THE CAST OF GLARDIANS OF THE GALAXY 2 AND WILL PLAY STARLORD'S FATHER. Pom Klementieff will be playing th

Source: AV Club

YOUR COMPUTER HAS BEEN LOCKEDI - 08 THE COMPUTER NETWORK AT HOLLYWOOD PRESBYTERIAN WAS SHUT DOWN BY RANSOMWARE FOR OVER A WEEK, leaving them unable to

Source: AP

KANYE WEST TWEETED THAT HE IS $53 MILLION IN PERSONAL DEBT. ftrue, industry insiders believe sost of Wes's Josses Jikely casse fror his failed attempi

Source: Vanity Fair

KIM KARDASHIAN'S FREE MOBILE GAME HAS MADE MORE THAN $100 MILLION FROM IN-APP PURCHASES. Released in 2014, the Kim Kardashian: Hollywood app has been

18-year-old Malachi A. Love-Robinson was arrested for PRACTICING MEDICINE WITHOUT A LICENSE in West Palm Beach, Florida, after performing a physical e

Sources: NBC News

DONALD TRUMP THREATENED TO SUE TED CRUZ TO DISQUALIFY HIM FROM RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT BECAUSE CRUZ WAS BORN IN CANADA. Trump recently called Cruz unhi

Paramount HAS ANNOUNCED THAT AFTER THE FIFTH TRAISFORIERS MOVIE, COMING IN 2017... BLITELEEEE WILL GET A LOWER COST SPINOFF MOVIE IN JUNE OF 2018, w

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (2/23)

Sources: ABC News, AJC

THEATER ACTOR DAIGO KASHINO WAS FATALLY STABBED BY A PROP SAMURAI SWORD WHILE REHEARSING AN ACTION SCENE FOR A JAPANESE PERIOD PLAY. The 33-year-old w

Source: CNN

THE DISMEMBERED REMAINS OF AN ESTIMATED 100 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN FOUND IN THE SEWAGE SYSTEM OF A COLOMBIAN PRISON. The discovery was part of a larger inve

Source: Time

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