The news is like The Walking Dead, only without that show's sense of naive optimism. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so).

NEW HAMPSHIRE PRIMARTES Ba+te Minikgame W SANDERS CLINTON KASICH TRUMP 60.4%1. 38.0%. 15-89 35.398 Bernie Sanders scored a stronger-than expected vict

Sources: CNN, NPR

Red Lobster has said that Super its Bow Sunday up 33% sales were over the previous year, REPORTEDLY DUE TO A LYRIC BEYONCE'S FROM LATEST SINGLE, title

Source: CNN

THE 41-DAY STANDOF AT THE OREGON WILDLIFE REFPUGE FINALLY ENDED WITH THE REMAINING FOUR HOLDOUTS SURRENDERING TO THE FBI. Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy

20th CENTURY FOX ANNOUNCED A SEQUEL TO DEADPOOL BEFORE THE MOVIE WAS EVEN RELEASED IN THEATERS. WHICH NOW LOOKS LIKE A BRILLIANT MOVE, SINCE THE FILM

LAUREN MOSS WAS REPORTED MISSING in November of 2015. Unfortunately, on February 3rd, 2016... HER BODY WAS DISCOVERED INSIDE A PARKED CAR in the parki

The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (2/16)

Source: BBC

A FLORIDA MAN HAS BEEN CHARGED WITH AGGRAVATED ASSAULT WITH ADEADLY WEAPON FOR THROWING AN ALLIGATOR THROUGH A WENDY'S DRIVE-THRU WINDOW. Police track

Source: CNN

Greater Manchester, England: A 60-year-old woman FELL 60 FEET from a balcony in a John Lewis store, BUT SURVIVED, albeit with hip and spine injuries,

The disappearance of EDGAR LATULIP, who was 21 years old when he was reported missing from his home in Kitchener, Ontario, in 1986... MISSING WAS INCR

Source: CBC

The University Medical Center in Lebanon, Tennessee, PERFORMED A SURGICAL PROCEDURE ON THE WRONG BABY. Lniersick Center Medical Fortunately, it wasn't

Source: CNN

PLEASE WEAR SUNSCREEN! -Hugh Jackman, upon sharing a Facebook photo of himself with a bandage on his nose, indicating that he had once again been tr

Source: CNN

COMMUTERT TWO TRAINS IN BAVARIA CRASHED HEAD KILLING 11 AND INJURING DOZENS. Authorities are still investigating why the two trains were traveling on

Source: BBC, BBC

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