Keeping up with the news is like sweeping up after a parade made entirely out of elephants drinking espresso. No reasonable person can be expected to keep up with every headline while maintaining their sanity, so we have taken it upon ourselves to quickly summarize the most important and/or ridiculous news stories from the last week (or so).

Fraggle Rock has been remastered and is returning to HBO

The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (10/18)

Arizona Sheriff Arpaio faces contempt of court charges over anti-immigration practices

Obama has lifted restrictions on Cuban cigars and rum

A naval destroyer was fired on off the coast of Yemen

Bob Dylan won the nobel prize in literature

The DEA reversed its plans to ban kratom

McDonalds has suspended public appearances of Ronald McDonald

Wells Fargo chairman John Stumpf announced his retirement

AN OREGON EMERGENCY ROOM WAS QUARANTINED AFTER PEOPLE BEGAN HALLUUCINATING Five people, including two sheriff's deputies, were affected by the mysteri

ANTTISIS FORCES ARE ASSEMBLING TO UBERATE MOSUL. 65,000 Iraqi soldiers are preparing for the imminent battle to free Mosul from the estimated 5,000 IS

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