Cracked Columnists
5 Urgent Questions About the Live Action 'Akira' Remake
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- By Robert Brockway
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0 How to Still Win Your NCAA Pool! For People Who Lost Already
I'm currently in last place in this year's pool, and with 0 teams remaining in the final 4, the mathematical odds of me winning are... not actually there. So is my situation hopeless? Over the span of my lifetime, yes, but in this specific instance, no. It just means that I can't use math to win. Which is fine, because winners don't use math.
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- By Chris Bucholz
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The Most Appropriately Endangered Species on the Planet
Somewhere in the world right now a harpy eagle is choking on the remnants of a helium balloon and a giant sea turtle is strangling itself in a six-pack ring. Nature, by its very ... nature, is cruel; it claims the lives of animals wantonly, sometimes the lives of entire species, leaving the rest terrified and wondering which will be the next group.
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- By Soren Bowie
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If The Internet Disappeared: Pornography Finds A Way
The hottest new club in New York: Rule 34.
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- By Gladstone
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5 Things They Never Told Us
Given the opportunity, there are probably a lot of tiny, superficial things you say to your fourteen-year-old self, (Get a haircut; Stop being a smartass; Maybe try not masturbating for, like, a night, and see what that does to the amount of free time you have).
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- By Daniel O'Brien
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Man Comics: The Return of The Punchmaster
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- By Seanbaby
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The 8 Most Ridiculously Badass Protesters Ever Photographed
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- By Robert Brockway
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The Terrifying Company Behind The Web's Worst Music Videos
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- By Chris Bucholz
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8 Letters from the Elementary School Where I Guest Lectured
Reaching a wider and younger audience is part of the reason I'm currently touring my new autobiography, 'Tusked on the Inside,' and entirely the reason I am only touring it at elementary school assemblies. So far it has seen mixed reviews which I am taking as a good sign; no great work has ever been universally praised, particularly by children.
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- By Soren Bowie
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6 Reasons We Should Be Way More Scared Of Ants
Note: I'm going to talk about how much I hate ants for about 2,000 words. I hope you're okay with that. Read more: http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-reasons-we-should-be-way-more-scared-ants/#ixzz1GwraLVIc
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- By Daniel O'Brien
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5 Popular Phrases That Make You Look Like an Idiot
There's a famous saying that goes, 'the reason it's a cliche is because it's true.' Well, that saying like the five that follow, sucks.
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- By Gladstone
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6 Words Advertisers Love (That Don’t Mean A Damn Thing)
Duh Marketing is when a product makes a claim so obvious that it's inconceivable you thought otherwise.
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- By Seanbaby
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The Secretly Horrifying Implications of AT&Ts Bandwidth Caps
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- By Robert Brockway
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4 Reasons Detroit Must Build A Statue of RoboCop
You may have heard about this group of concerned citizens in Detroit, who, noting that the city lacks a statue of Robocop, are lobbying furiously to build a statue of Robocop. These efforts have resulted in an earnest dialog developing in the city, as newspapers and opinion makers argue the point, 'What are you people, some kind of fucking idiots?'
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- By Chris Bucholz
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The Rich Dick's Guide to Picking Up Women
Ladies are everywhere, science has proven it. Even as I write this I can see one across the room from me, sleeping soundly atop my favorite piano, and I can hear the other two showering down the hall.
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- By Soren Bowie
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