The Rich Dick's Guide to Picking Up Women
Ladies are everywhere, science has proven it. Even as I write this I can see one across the room from me, sleeping soundly atop my favorite piano, and I can hear the other two showering down the hall. Still, despite their ubiquity, some men seem consistently startled by the very existence of women. These men will go out of their way just to see one in person, sometimes only from behind and at a great distance.

Expert Tip: Show up to all events in clothes that are just under social par with the occasion; there is an inverse relationship between dressing down and how important you appear.
Step 2: Show Up Now that you've found a good spot where women socialize, you'll have to dive in head first. This will likely be the hardest part of the process. When you enter the party, premiere, private jet, etc. be prepared for a lot of women to abandon their current conversations to come speak to you. This is just something that naturally happens and it will almost certainly be overwhelming at first.

Expert Tip: Synthetic aesthetic will not fly. Nice shoes, groomed facial hair and contacts are all methods for masking human flaws, but women are very perceptive and see right through them. Your handsomeness must be organic or you are doomed.
Step 4: Learn the CuesOutside of attractiveness, verbal cues are the biggest determining factors in how a woman perceives you. It's important to give all the right signals and say the right things so that she knows you are the type of guy she can share a bed with, or at the very least, a bathrooms stall. Some of the very best verbal cues serve a second function as conversation starters. By hiding subtle erotic innuendo in the phrasing of a simple question, you can keep sex at the top of a woman's mind during her entire encounter with you. What's more, women enjoy it when you show an active interest in their lives. Some questions that have never failed me are, "Have you heard of me?" "Did you know I own a real-life treasure?" and "When do you think we'll get to the fornication?"

Expert Tip: Always carry a famous painting or other worldly treasure with you so that if all else fails, you can prove that you are rich.
Step 5: Finish What You Start By this point you have no doubt brought one or more women home to your villa. Now that you have them in proper lighting you will be able to get a good look at each. Some of these women may be incredibly attractive and elegant while others will be the shiny, high laughing types who sprawl over your furniture and let their mouths hang open like water buckets. Still, by bringing these women back your place, you have entered a tacit agreement to satisfy them all sexually, down to the last one.

Expert Tip: It's important that you have your maids clean earlier in the day because women are significantly less likely to remove their clothes in an environment they don't think is sanitary.
Even when everyone is comfortable, you will still have to be the one to initiate the actual sex. This can be a complicated maneuver; it must be tactful while leaving no room for ambiguity of intention. I find that I can set the tone nicely by stripping completely naked and doing a double back flip off the diving board while masturbating. This is almost always met with applause and then an immediate launch into intimacy, but you can find your own depending on the height of your diving board. Once the erotic-ice is broken, you are home free. From that point you can rely on your innate skill, and spectacular endurance to see you through the rest of the evening. Come morning, it is your obligation to make everyone waffles.