The Man Who Was Killed By His Own Beard

A 16th-century Dutch mayor named Hans Staininger had the most magnificent face full of whiskers the world had ever seen — a hirsute magnificence that ultimately proved to be his undoing

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8 Letters from the Elementary School Where I Guest Lectured


Every time I write, I pray that destiny carries my words to the ears of sapling writers; nourishing their roots and inspiring them to grow. Then, with any luck, all of my hard work will someday be remembered by future generations as a shining example of literary compost.

8 Letters from the Elementary School Where I Guest Lectured
When you see this, I want you to think of me.

Reaching a wider and younger audience is part of the reason I'm currently touring my new autobiography,
Tusked On The Inside, and entirely the reason I am only touring it at elementary schools. So far it has seen mixed reviews, which I am taking as a good sign; no great work has ever been universally praised, particularly by children. Still, it is the kids I have affected that matter most, those young boys and girls that found something valuable in what I offered, that left the auditorium in Marion, Ohio or Carbondale, Colorado feeling as though I touched them. In honor of those tiny victories, I want to share with you some of the Thank You letters I've received. What they lack in eloquence they make up for in heart, just like literature itself. Each one of them means almost as much to me as I clearly meant to those children.

Deaar Sorer, Thank YoU for visitiing our School, You hovea lived great life. My favorite part of YOUr Story wns when where you taugkt thore indians th

8 Letters from the Elementary School Where I Guest Lectured

Pear soren Thank you for the qutkentic totem pole> yoU carved for our c/ass Everyone loves you except Jacoh because he is awful My dad war M biggest h

Dear Soren, From, Saah Hdy book Cow, your was neatl where realy er I Like the chapt you shier tried that Corporit gaint for tainting City wvater with

00000 00000 00000 00000 DODdOal ANNTT o SOPEN Thonk Yoo for telling Us about you, like the time you won the Soper bowl aod the n al/ the nUgqets got s


Deas SBoren, This feels silly to sey, but T aneady misS you. It thaugh guot meehyg you and then seuving goodsye loot a prece of museif. I e ausalce cu

8 Letters from the Elementary School Where I Guest Lectured

Learn How to Win a Fight Against 20 Children. Or for more of Soren's selflessness check out his guide to Using Charity to Help The Third World (Worship You as a God).

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