The 8 Most Ridiculously Badass Protesters Ever Photographed
Protesters are, by their very nature, badass. Whether or not you agree with whatever it is they're standing for, you have to agree that it takes balls to go up against an entire system of government -- one comprised of thousands of highly trained, expertly equipped police and soldiers -- using whatever you find in the street on the walk down to the battlefield. There are two current protests that might be changing the world for the better: One in Wisconsin, trying to preserve what very few bargaining rights public workers still have, and another in Libya, that has since turned into a full scale revolution. It's the least we can do to support them, by spreading the word and increasing awareness. Oh no, wait, the least we can do is to look at a bunch of pictures of badass protesters and make jokes about them. Let's do that instead:
Shield MaidenThis picture was taken at the Amona outpost, West Bank, when armed-to-the-teeth riot police raided the unarmed shanty-town to evict the settlers. There are about twenty cops on the other side of that shield, all of them rushing downhill at full-tilt toward one elderly Jewish woman who looks like she just dropped a casserole dish mid-wash when she realized she was late to the mid-afternoon riot. Twenty riot police on full charge, against one old Jewish woman, and She. Is. Holding. She looks like she'd be denied a part in a LifeAlert commercial on the grounds of frailty, and here she is Gandalfing the holy shit out of two dozen riot cops.Two things had to have happened after this photo: One, every single one of those cops turned around, went home, called their mothers and apologized for every cross word they'd ever said. And two: One very old Jewish lady picked herself up, dusted off her apron, walked calmly back to her home, closed the door, took a deep breath, hurled the stove through the wall to vent the excess energy, and then quietly finished scrubbing up.
Gas Mask Guy
Bee ManIt's one thing to go to a protest, with the screaming, and the tension, and the ever present threat of violence -- it's another thing to do all that while
The KickbomberThough it looks like he's caught in the middle of a 12 hit combo -- just after landing the fireball but right before the flying dragon kick -- this is actually a man in the midst of firebombing an empty policetruck during the anti-Mubarak riots in Egypt. Sure, plenty of destruction happens in a riot, and sure, the riot truck was empty to start with, but he's still dead-sprinting at an armored tank in what appear to be loafers; the fact that he can even get airborne with balls that dense is clear evidence of the Egyptian Basketball Team's terrifying efficiency. Mubarak ran the gamut of cartoonish evil, from raising prices on food while cutting worker's wages, to running a state of fear and police brutality, but the final nail in his regime's coffin was shutting off the internet. In the words of Pastor Martin Niemoller: "First they came for the communists, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the internet, so I
Flaming Scarf Guy
Image found by the awesome StrigoiAnother protester in the anti-Mubarak riots, Flaming Scarf Guy looks like he walked straight out of an anime (that he just firebombed). The context is unclear even in the original Al Jazeera photo, so we can't say if he caused that explosion, or if he just sort of appears out of the ether whenever there
Surf Tha PoliceYou can fight the riot cops. You can scream at them, spit in their faces, accuse them of supporting fascism, and question their morals, their motives, and the integrity of their mother's vagina. Or you can give a giggling, psychotic finger to logic and reason, and opt instead to just pull a Dukes of Hazzard on those bastards. Hey, it makes sense: Those shields are like makeshift ramps, he probably got some sweet air. This is yet a third Egyptian protester, and this image completes the most epic trilogy since Lord of the Rings. Yes, pictures are all a matter of timing, and yes, there was probably an unfortunate aftermath immediately after this, and no, it probably didn't do much to stop the police in the grand scheme of things. But for just this one single moment in time, this is a man dive-tackling an entire fucking precinct worth of riot cops and he is
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Water Cannon ManYou knew he was coming. You knew because he's an internet staple by now. You knew because everything about him -- from his Superman-stance, to his contemptuous sneer, to his kickin' Cable-knit sweater ensemble -- is the very embodiment of defiance. But mostly you knew he was coming because you can't even
You can buy Robert's book, Everything is Going to Kill Everybody: The Terrifyingly Real Ways the World Wants You Dead, or follow him on Twitter and Facebook or you can join him and FIGHT THE POWERS THAT BE! He'll uh...he'll be in the back. Right behind you. Totally. All the way.