It turns out The Man is pretty fond of taking your hard-earned money and spending it on the dumbest shit possible.
We all have to go through a very specific series of symptoms on our way to full adulthood that no doctor or teacher or tribal elder will warn us about in advance.
Let's examine five types of deplorable Internet comments and the columnists from rather large institutions who are their living embodiment.
Literally everything in a computer is easier than its analog counterpart.
It turns out those wheel thingies on skateboards play a key part in not eating pavement.
Enough is enough, Hollywood, we've reached our threshold for B.S.
We talked to a few folks to get the inside story on an industry that is every bit as creepy as you'd expect.
SPOILER ALERT: This column is probably NSFW.
Pieces of shit like these never had a chance.
Special effects people were probably those kids in the lunchroom that combined all their food into one pile of mush. And then ate it.
Explosions in movies have an amazing power. They can make a scene more intense or authentic or awesome or completely and entirely dumb.
Newsflash: You only have 407 days until the 2016 presidential election.
Sometimes front ways and back ways just aren't enough ways to do sex.
Some burglars are such stunning asshats, they make national news with how badly they screw up their crimes.
Robot Teddy Roosevelt 2016.
Ideally, time will prove me crazy and incorrect, but approaching the Trump candidacy as a comedy sketch that will never come true could potentially be the most tragic mistake this country will ever make.
It turns out the following first-world problems actually benefit you.
The climax of any good cinematic adventure should be a battle forged of pure destiny. Not these turdburgers we got instead.
Before throwing any of your weird junk a way, it helps to turn to the Internet to see if any obsessive collectors will buy it from you first.