Colin Jost’s 10 Best Burns From the White House Correspondents’ Dinner

It was Weekend Update in a tuxedo
Colin Jost’s 10 Best Burns From the White House Correspondents’ Dinner

Colin Jost got surprisingly heartfelt at last night’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner, endorsing Joe Biden and calling for basic human decency. But thankfully, he got off a few mean punchlines before beseeching America to rediscover its best self. This was no Stephen Colbert circa 2006 — Jost’s speech sounded a lot like what you could hear him deliver on a random Weekend Update, only this time with a bowtie. 

I’m rating it “solid but forgettable,” but I still appreciated Jost’s 10 best burns…

“Can we just acknowledge how refreshing it is to see a President of the United States at an event that doesn’t begin with a bailiff saying, ‘All rise?’”

“I would like to point out it’s after 10 p.m. Sleepy Joe is still awake, while Donald Trump has spent the past week falling asleep in court every morning — though Fox News said he was just being ‘anti-woke.’”

“We are all here tonight at nerd prom. Well, Matt Gaetz is at regular prom.”

“Wordle is here tonight. Sorry, sorry, I meant The New York Times. I forgot they do stuff in addition to puzzles. I have to say, it’s not a great sign when the only thing keeping a print media company alive are games people play on their phones.”

“Lara Trump is here tonight. She recently released a cover of the song ‘I Won’t Back Down.’ Upon hearing it, Tom Petty died again. I can’t believe I’m saying this to a member of the Trump family, but maybe stick to politics?”

“Nothing makes sense anymore. The candidate who was a famous New York City playboy took abortion rights away, and the guy who’s trying to give you your abortion rights back is an 80-year-old Catholic.”

“People keep asking if our lives are better than they were four years ago. Of course they are. Four years ago, we didn’t have online sports gambling.”

“Did you know that 90 percent of people now get their news exclusively from social media? And that must be true, because I saw it in a random guy’s TikTok. He was recording the video while driving a Toyota Corolla, but he seemed to know his stuff.”

“It’s the best time in history to be a courtroom sketch artist. The most famous man on earth is on trial, and there’s no cameras allowed — just the artists, their pastels and their desire to make Trump look as bad as possible. Every sketch of Trump looks like the Grinch had sex with the Lorax.”

“I would really like to take a moment to recognize all the print journalists in this room. Your words speak truth to power, your words bring light to the darkness, and most importantly, your words train the A.I. programs that will soon replace you.”


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