Marge’s Worst Pieces of Motherly Advice on ‘The Simpsons’
Marge’s moral compass and parental intuition are, typically, far more reliable than those of her husband, but even the Simpson matriarch makes mistakes — that was Springfield’s only burlesque house.
The professional homemaker has had saint-like patience for the misbehavior of the men in her family for 35 seasons, and rarely does Marge ever complain about her lot in life. In The Simpsons, Marge is, more often than not, the de facto voice of reason and collective conscience for her family, and, without her, the entire household falls apart — as demonstrated by the roughly 400 Simpsons episodes wherein Marge is imprisoned, or takes a job, or does anything that distracts her from her domestic duties, causing her family to immediately devolve into chaos.
However, for all her better parenting moments and words of wisdom, Marge sometimes missed the mark so badly that it led to Lisa throwing away $12 million just because Mr. Burns made some fish into mince. Here are Marge’s worst pieces of parental advice in Simpsons history, starting with…
Telling Lisa to Do “Whatever Your Conscience Tells You”
In a vacuum, this is wonderful advice for a mother who is raising a morally upstanding — if not entirely sanctimonious — middle child. However, Lisa’s endlessly nagging conscience told her to turn away a life-changing $12 million check for her small part in inspiring Mr. Burns’ latest business scheme in “The Old Man and the Lisa,” which nearly killed Lisa’s own old man and all-but-ensured that Springfield’s most nefarious magnate would use that money to make something even more horrible than a slurry factory for a fish-stick company.
Oh well, I guess the Simpsons will have to find some other way to make $12,000.
“Girls, Lisa. Boys Kiss Girls”
I’m willing to chalk this one up to the heteronormativity of the mid-1990s and Marge’s obvious misjudgment of Gore Vidal’s private life rather than any sort of homophobic impulse, but, oh man, Marge couldn’t have gotten this one more wrong. For decades, Simpsons writers have been sneaking in hints that Lisa’s not-yet-actualized sexuality could end up toward the middle of the spectrum, and, in 2022, Simpsons legend, showrunner and inaugural writing staff member Al Jean agreed that, once little Lisa comes of age, she might just identify as queer.
So no, Marge, not all boys kiss girls, and not all girls kiss boys — except when Nelson’s wearing that sweater-vest.
“Aim Low. Aim So Low, No One Even Cares If You Succeed”
Don’t listen to your mother on this one, kids — well, maybe you, Bart. In “The Twisted World of Marge Simpson,” Marge lets the hilarious struggles of her pretzel business get the best of her and corrupt her parental compass, which, to a certain degree is understandable. No one gets into pretzels just to watch Whitey Ford get pelted with them. Still, Marge is a responsible enough parent to feed her poor kids after teaching them that dreams never come true — and she even pre-melted the butter with her face.
“It Doesn’t Matter How You Feel Inside, You Know? It’s What Shows Up on the Surface That Counts!”
Just like every mother who has ever tried to console her depressed daughter, Marge is only the product of her own mother’s parenting, and this massively misguided piece of “advice” in the Season One classic “Moaning Lisa” only makes us sad for Marge’s own childhood. And, to Marge’s credit, she ends up taking her mother’s advice back by the end of the episode.
Also, the line, “Take all your bad feelings and push them down. Alllll the way down. Past your knees until you’re almost walking on them!” is basically foreshadowing for what happens to Marge’s psyche two seasons later in “Homer Alone” when her feelings finally push back. For some reason, I feel like Lisa’s advice for her own daughter’s inevitable first dual with depression will be worded better.
