Having designated each floor of the school to be its own class grade, Dash's journey is designed to have the same social leveling up feeling as a video game. Only instead of some gold chest or princess, the reward here is not having your lungs filled with icy water in a drawn-out and terrifying sequence. So ... exactly like the Mario 64 water levels, actually.
The Evil Within: A Horror Film That Took So Long To Make The Director Died
Release Date: Right Goddamn Now!
In 2002, a millionaire oil heir named Andrew Getty decided to write and direct a horror film based on his own deeply disturbing childhood nightmares. Dumping his own money into the project, Getty began to transform his own mansion into a makeshift studio -- buying up tons of film equipment, crafting unique rigs, and creating his own animatronics ... including a puppet octopus designed to play the drums for a single scene.
"Eat shit, Ringo!"
Production took six years to complete, after which Andrew began obsessing over the film's edit -- converting his mansion into a post-production studio. It was this mansion that he would later be found dead in, having succumbed to a hemorrhaging ulcer caused by an ongoing methamphetamine addiction.
That was 2015. And now, several years later, Getty's nightmares have finally been released to the public in the form of a film called The Evil Within. And boy was it well worth the wait.
To be followed by the urine within (your pants).
Having seen it myself (it's available to stream this very moment), I can vouch for the film being exactly what you imagine the product of a meth-addicted nightmare-obsessed perfectionist millionaire would be. The film is about a mentally disabled boy whose dreams become hijacked by a Cronenbergian demon, and soon enough start bleeding into reality. The only way for them to stop? Human sacrifice. And trust me when I say that snuffing out the nightmares is well worth the meager price of murder.
Especially when ZzzQuil just won't do the trick.
It's like Nightmare On Elm Street, if Nightmare On Elm Street was fueled by drugs ... so it's exactly like Nightmare On Elm Street. For a lot of it, The Evil Within feels like a really well-shot b-movie thanks to the awkward dialogue and the sheer discomfort that comes with a less-than-ideal portrayal of a mentally disabled person. But it all pays off when it comes time for the bonkers-as-fuck ending, to which I'll give you just a taste:
If you're fucked up enough to know what's going on here, you deserve to be spoiled.
Yes that's a spider-person, and somehow not the most disturbing part of this film. Keep that in mind before you ever think about trying meth.
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Behind every awful movie is the idea for a good one. Old man Indiana Jones discovers aliens: Good in theory, bad in practice. Batman fights Superman: So simple, but so bad. Are there good versions of these movies hidden within the stinking turds that saw the light of day? Jack O'Brien hosts Soren Bowie, Daniel O'Brien, and Katie Willert of After Hours on our next live podcast to find an answer, as they discuss their ideal versions of flops, reboots, and remakes. Tickets are $7 and can be purchased here!
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It's loaded with facts about history, your body, and the world around you that your teachers didn't want you to know. And as a bonus? We've also included the kinkiest sex acts ever described in the Bible.