Cracked Columnists
The 5 Most Ingenious Worlds Ever Invented by Science Fiction
In no other genre is setting as important as it is in science fiction: No matter how intricate the book's plot, or how chisel-jawed that Hollywood manpile on the movie's poster might be, the universe is always going to be the real star.
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- By Robert Brockway
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The 4 Most Baffling Trends in Old-Timey Album Covers
The cover art on records from the 1950s and 60s is so confusing and removed from reality that it looks like it was created in an alternate dimension.
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- By Soren Bowie
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7 Phrases That Are Great Signs It's Time to Stop Talking
Here's some phrases that signal some actual bad things coming that nobody wants any part of.
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- By Christina H
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The Worst Thank You Card Ever Sent
Dear Aunt Sandra-- So this Thank You card is something my mom's been on me to do for awhile (you know what she's like). I kept telling her I was saving up things to be thankful for so I could get them all in on a single card.
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- By Chris Bucholz
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4 Wildly Irresponsible Tests for 'Diagnosing' Problems
There are thousands of ways for mental hypochondriacs to go online and self-diagnose every possible disorder, even the ludicrously unlikely ones. Here are four tests you can take to learn shocking truths about yourself.
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- By Seanbaby
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The 12 Best Moments from Mexico's Least Subtle Monster Movie
Lucha movies feature battles against Spanish-speaking moon Nazis, Atlanteans and evil wrestlers, and that was all in one movie. One movie that wasn't as crazy as the one we're about to tackle.
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- By Luke McKinney
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The 5 Weirdest Things You Learn When Driving Across America
What follows are a few of the more interesting tidbits I picked up while driving through this great land. I share them not only to give you, the reader, a glimpse at what kind of boring shit I get into when I'm not working, but also because writing about the trip means I can count the gas and hotel rooms that I shelled out for along the way as tax
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- By Adam Tod Brown
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3 Kinds of People the Internet Accidentally Invented
The Internet is responsible for many, many jobs as well as many, many terribly people.
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- By Daniel O'Brien
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5 Favors People Love to Offer (That No One Wants) Part 2
It's not that we hate you for offering these things, we just wish you wouldn't. Also, yeah, we kind of hate you.
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- By Gladstone
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5 Supposedly Fun Activities That Are Actually Terrifying
The I am not composed of extremely low pH water and hatred of all things fun. The problem with my fun times, however, is that there are outside forces pissing them away from me.
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- By Ian Fortey
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4 Insane Things Nobody Tells You About Riding a Motorcycle
Any idiot could figure this out. But I am no ordinary idiot.
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- By Robert Brockway
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4 Things I Regret Doing While Drunk in Your Emergency Room
Dear Doctor, I feel like I need to clear the air about a few things that happened the night you stitched up my face.
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- By Soren Bowie
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The 5 Worst Marketing Failures in the History of Video Games
When the ‘Diablo III’ servers were broken for most of its first day live, millions of frustrated fingers told the Internet how pissed off they were. However, as far as video game PR disasters go, it couldn't contend with these classics:
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- By Seanbaby
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The 6 Most Effective Ways to Lie on Your Resume
I'm here to help. After consulting with experts in deceit, who may have been overstating their expertise now that I think about it, I've compiled the following guide to help you lie on your resume.
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- By Chris Bucholz
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The 5 Worst Attempts to Start a Catchphrase in Rap History
Plenty of rap-coined words and phrases catch on and make it all the way to mainstream vocabularies, sometimes seriously, (blunt, dope, chill, grill [meaning teeth] all have their origins in rap and all are more or less accepted by the majority of Americans), and sometimes ironically, (there was a period in the early 2000s when everyone added
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- By Daniel O'Brien
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