With the massive popularity of superhero movies these days, non-nerds everywhere are turning to the comics to learn more about these amazing characters -- but there is such a thing as too much information.
For example, while it's not exactly shocking that people who dress in tights and capes are a little kinky in bed, what is shocking is how specific, and often illegal, those kinks are. After decades and decades of stories, some truly disturbing patterns begin to emerge, such as the fact that ...
5Daredevil Dates Women With Dead Fathers Who Die Themselves After Discovering His Identity
Daredevil gets a surprising amount of action, given his disability (he's a ginger). This is even more surprising when you consider that he has a very distinct type: women whose fathers are dead or about to die, and who tend to drop dead themselves right around the time they find out Daredevil = blind lawyer Matt Murdock. Bonus points if substance abuse is involved!
Daredevil's 50-year continuity is basically an extended Maury episode.
Let's start with his first boo, Elektra. The two meet in college, but their idyllic romance is interrupted when her father, a Greek politician of questionable daughter-naming skills, is murdered right in front of them:
Matt hasn't even noticed he put on his bandana too low.
Years later, Elektra runs into Daredevil and quickly realizes he's Matt (there aren't a lot of blind guys with sick ninja moves out there). Unfortunately, she also runs into a big-ass knife:
Her last words are, "Hey, I just saw the Jennifer Garner movie based on me. Can you do me a favor?"
Clearly, Matt's experience with Elektra in college shaped his taste in women. Next up is Karen Page, Matt's secretary/recurring boner-bouncer, whose father turns out to be a crazy supervillain called Death's Head. Death's Head promptly becomes Death's Everything (he dies), and because he's got a dead-dad fetish, Matt chooses that moment to reveal his identity to Karen.
"You know you just shouted that in front of a 30-person funeral, right?"
They break up, she becomes a heroin addict, and finds out she has AIDS. The good news: It's a false positive! The bad news: She gets murdered anyway ... by the same guy who killed Elektra.
"Why?! Why did I have to pick Girlfriend-Murdering-Man as my nemesis?!"
After Karen, Matt hooks up with a girl called Heather Glenn. Once again, as soon as her dad kills himself, Matt reveals his identity to her ...
Is ... is he smirking?
... and, once again, she becomes an addict (booze this time) and dies.
OK, now he's straight-up coming.
And, oh dear Jesus, we're not even done yet. Glorianna O'Breen (she's Italian, yes) is a woman Daredevil meets while she's being chased by the IRA member who killed her dad. We don't even have to tell you that Matt taps that. She gets thrown out of a window and figures out Matt is Daredevil as she's falling to her death:
Note how we're not even bothering to address the fact that Matt is pretending to be dead half the time.
And, finally, we have Maya Lopez (an Avenger called Echo or Ronin). Her father is also dead -- in fact, she thinks Daredevil killed him. You know what, at this point, we're not totally discounting it.
"I didn't do it! Also, please ignore my boner."
Of course, she forgives Daredevil when she finds out he's Matt ... and, of course, she ends up getting murdered.
4Nightwing Keeps Being Forced Into Sexual Encounters With Superpowered Women
Nightwing is the new identity Robin (Dick Grayson) adopts when he gets too old to pull off those pixie boots. Like Batman, he has no superpowers ... unless you consider "being molested a lot" one. Now, we're not saying that Bats intentionally didn't teach his protege what to do about people taking advantage of him sexually, but it's pretty suspicious that like half of Dick's sexual partners have been non-consensual. Also, creepy. That's fucking creepy, DC.
We've told you about the infamous Nightwing issue where his protege sexually abuses him, but that is actually the third or fourth time this happens to him, depending on how you're counting. In a New Titans issue, a shapeshifter called Mirage kidnaps Nightwing's girlfriend, Starfire, and uses her powers to take Starfire's place both on the team and on Dick's ... dick. Nightwing's teammates then make fun of him for, you know, getting raped.
Perhaps more shockingly, they don't make fun of him for that mullet.
Meanwhile, Dick's girlfriend just victim-blames him. She's been more understanding in other situations, though -- perhaps too understanding. In another issue, Nightwing's teammate Raven loses control of her emotion-based powers and forces him to make out with her. When he realizes what happened, Dick is appalled ... but Starfire thinks it's hilarious and teams up with Raven to play a little "joke" on him:
"You know what would be even funnier? My French isn't good, but I believe the pronunciation is ..."
Look how terrified he is! That's because women have been forcing themselves on him since he was a little boy. Dick's first "girlfriend" is actually a fellow kid sidekick who kisses him against his will over and over until she basically gaslights him into thinking they're dating. Dick then loses his virginity at 16 to a statutory rapist who is just manipulating him to steal Bruce Wayne's money:
"OK, so maybe a tattoo on Dick's crotch wasn't the best place to hide my bank password."
Even the Batman cartoon universe has this trope. An issue of the official Batman: The Animated Series spinoff comic shows Poison Ivy, the classic villain/occasional antihero, turning Robin into her love slave ...
Fun fact: DC is currently marketing her as a good role model for little girls.
... which leads to this gag:
Just an innocent shirtless foot massage, like the kind you'd give your aunt.
Batman gives him a creepy "that's my boy" smile when Dick tells him what happened. He's like 15 at most. Now we're glad Christopher Nolan kept Robin out (for the most part) of the Dark Knight trilogy -- this shit is too dark for those movies.