The 6 Most Ridiculous Superhero Weaknesses
Look, we get why superheroes need weaknesses. You can't just have them going around doing as they please without any limitations or every crisis would be over in five minutes.
But for whatever reason, comic book writers ran out of weaknesses that make any kind of sense at all right around the time that they decided the Green Lantern's weakness is the color yellow.
#6. Wonder Woman: Having Her Hands Tied by a Man
Wonder Woman, besides usually being the only thing that keeps the Justice League from turning into a complete sausage party, has transcended comic books and become an enduring symbol for feminism. She's always been portrayed as a badass Amazon warrior who doesn't take shit from anyone and, unlike Batman, she isn't afraid to break a neck or two when she has to.
comicvine
"Guess I'm in quite a snappy mood today, haha ... but no, seriously, that's murder."
Why do you think Gotham City gets all the great villains? Most of them are too afraid to go near Wonder Woman's turf.
The Ridiculous Weakness:
Of course, originally Wonder Woman was created as, well, pretty much the exact opposite of what we just described. We've mentioned before that her creator believed bondage was the key to a healthy relationship and tried to include as much as of it in his comics as possible -- what we didn't tell you is that he also made it so all of Wonder Woman's amazing powers were rendered completely useless if her hands were bound by a man.
toplessrobot
"I'm a normal woman now! What fate could be worse?"
And yes, it only works if a man does it, so when you think about, the real weakness here is scrotums. However, her one weakness was also apparently the only thing keeping her destructive tendencies in check: If Wonder Woman's Bracelets of Submission were broken, she would "launch into an uncontrollable rage."
This wasn't just in the '40s, by the way -- the same ridiculously offensive weaknesses were still being used as recently as the late '70s, while the live-action Wonder Woman TV show was on the air:
dc.wikia
"I CAN NO LONGER CONTAIN MY HATRED OF TRUCKS!"
It was only in the '80s that DC Comics started ignoring all that crap. Fortunately this still gives us 40 years of material to take out of context and make fun of.
yesbutnobutyes
A henchman chipped her nail in issue #45 so she just sat down and waited to be shot.
#5. Thor: Letting Go of His Hammer for 60 Seconds
If Wonder Woman is about feminism, The Mighty Thor is all about how wonderful it is to have a penis. It would be silly to pretend that comic book writers are completely unaware of the phallic nature of Thor's hammer -- it's, uh, kinda hard to miss. He even gave it a nickname ("Mjolnir") and has been known to flaunt it in front of the ladies.
"Too easy." -Cracked Caption Department
With his super strength, flight, control of lightning and (at this point) superfluous magical abilities, Thor is possibly the most powerful superhero ever. All those powers are derived from his massive dong-like hammer ... you can probably see where this is going.
The Ridiculous Weakness:
As explained in the early Thor comics, if he lets go of his hammer for more than a minute he loses his god status and becomes human, while the hammer itself turns into a flimsy walking stick.
Marvel Team-Up #26 (1974)
Though he does gain the new powers of walking away nonchalantly and filing his taxes.
To make matters worse, Thor's secret identity (med student Donald Blake) is basically a younger version of the main character from House, right down to the crippled leg, the scrawny physique and the annoying god complex (though in this case it's somewhat justified). Think about it: Thor is the mightiest hero ever, but he can't even fall asleep without firmly clutching his hammer under the covers and oh God the penis similarities keep coming. But all of that is beside the point. This weakness wouldn't be so much of a problem if Thor's main crime-fighting method didn't consist of throwing the hammer great distances.
"Really should have thought that through."
Usually Mjolnir comes back by itself, but the only thing his enemies have to do is make sure it doesn't and Thor is completely fucked. This happened more often than you'd think.
supermegamonkey
It slid under his car one time and he got all muddy and flustered while retrieving it.
Oh, and if anyone else happens to pick up the hammer while Thor is rushing to reach it, if they "be worthy," they gain all of his powers. Eventually, Thor's laughable 60-second limitation was removed through complex mystical methods.
#4. Venom: Tiny Amounts of Fire
Venom is one of the deadliest and most terrifying villains in comics (at least when he's not being played by the guy from That '70s Show). If Spider-Man's powers are a drawn-out metaphor for Peter Parker going through puberty, Venom represents that one time Pete became addicted to hard drugs and ended up mugging his own aunt for crack money.
Wikipedia
His ensuing mental breakdown was covered extremely sensitively in the third movie.
Venom started out as Spider-Man's powers-enhancing black costume and later turned out to be an evil alien entity with a mind of its own. Spidey hasn't "used" Venom for about 20 years, but he's been cleaning up after that mess almost every day since. So how do you stop a merciless killer who knows everything about you, routinely bonds with your worst enemies and hates you with the passion of a scorned lover?
The Ridiculous Weakness:
Fire, and we're not talking flamethrower here. We're talking matches. According to Marvel's website, Venom is "extremely vulnerable to heat" (and also loud noises), and they're not kidding. Check out the time Venom was about to kill Spider-Man ...
Peter Parker: Spider-Man #16 (2000)
... only for some random guy to save him with a cheap lighter. Lucky for Venom he wasn't also carrying an air horn.
Peter Parker: Spider-Man #16 (2000)
"Why would you be so mean, Spider-Man?!"
At this point Venom completely loses his shit and his clothes literally jump off his body out of sheer terror. Over a $1 lighter. The real question here is why Spider-Man doesn't carry one at all times.
Peter Parker: Spider-Man #16 (2000)
Wow, the writers just went full on meta here and admitted they repeat themselves a bunch.
Think about the implications of this. The guy wearing the Venom costume typically must keep it on at all times, so cooking with anything other than a microwave is impossible. The Fourth of July must be terrifying, as he could be held at bay by any group of 8-year-olds with sparklers. Even the other Spider-Man villains make fun of him because of it.
4thletter
"Come on Electro, Kraven and Fishbowl Helmet Guy, let's leave this silly motherfucker alone."
I guess for once, Cracked MISSED the sex jokes on Power Girl.
ReplyGrammar Man's weakness is that, as you can't describe a noun with an adverb.
Replyelectro is spy!
ReplyHilarious article - kudos... OK, somebody help me out - who's the girl in black and white in the last, um, CM3 panel? I must know more!
ReplyI think she is As
"Guess I'm in quite a snappy mood today, haha ... but no, seriously, that's murder."
ReplySo much LOL!
Alan Scott and wood. Seriously. I know there's an explanation. It doesn't make it any less ridiculous.
ReplyIt's more rational than Hal Jordan and the color yellow. Sure, to get the best of Alan Scott, just grab a pile of wood shavings (available at your local "home improvement" store) and throw them at him. BUT, to get the best of Hal (or any of the myriad other members of the Green Lantern Corps), just visit your local produce stand and stock up on bananas, lemons and yellow bell peppers (or, you could go to your local "home improvement" store and get a bucket of yellow paint--just open the lid and play Dorothy to his Wicked Witch).
thor has the ability to control his hammer at will even when he is in his human form. if he is human he simply moves his hand and it moves to him. even then if someone gets in the way of the hammer it will move right threw them
ReplyMr. Myxlptlk from Superman should be on this list. Sure, he was a retarded little pygmy fellow from the 6th dimension, but he could only be sent back if you got him to say his own name backwards. Literally every time Superman faces him, he loses only because of his own retardation. If he got smart enough, he could presumably stay here as long as he wanted an wreak all kinds of havoc. But no. His failure to recognize the letters in his own name gets him defeated time and time again.
ReplyNot even a raw unprocessed meat joke for Power Girl, I am disappointment.
ReplyAlso it must be hard for Thanatos to find acolytes with his desire to lose and all.
I always thought that Wonder Woman's weakness was when her Bracelets of Submission were bound by anyone, not just men.
ReplyIt was the connection of the Bracelets that caused her to lose her powers, not necessarily being tied up...
Is it sad that I hear her refered to less often as "Power Girl" and more often as "that chick whose like Super Girl only with a white costume and bigger tits"?
ReplyI just asked my husband who Power Girl was and got that very same answer. :-)
To be fair to naming his hammer, Mjolnir is the name of Thor's hammer in Norse mythology, so the writers are just being accurate there.
ReplyTo be even more fair, in the Marvel universe, that weakness was imposed on him specifically because Odin got pissed at how much time he spent on Earth.
Wait i thought you were kidding about Uncle Marvel and Hoppy the Marvel Bunny.
ReplyVenom, carnage and toxin are the s**t of nightmares.
ReplyWhat if Wonder Woman's hands were bound by a transvestite?
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesHopefully we will never find out. 'Shudders'
The univers would implode
The same thing that happens when you divide by zero. No one wants to see it done, and no one know what will happen when it is.
I just noticed the stick Power Girl was stabbed with was "processed", it looks like it was carved to form a point. That or when someone found the branch on the ground, they were very lucky it happened to break into such a sharp point.
ReplyRe: Thanos pic
ReplyI know that n***a didn't say "oops"...
How did Green Lantern's weakness to the color Yellow not make this list?
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesUh, first paragraph before list?
That's what I was thinking, should have had it's own part of the list not just be mentioned in the opening paragraph. :P
Because that one has a justification. The "yellow impurity" in the Green Lantern's light is Parallax, the embodiment of fear. Basically, they're powerless against FEAR.
Which is also lame, but less so.
Why doesn't Captain Marvel Jr get around his stupid weakness by calling himself something like "Marvel Captain" or "Maptain Carvel Jr." or just grossly mispronouncing his name?
ReplyOr legally changing his name to something else. That way he can introduce himself at parties and it'd be his real name...
To be fair to Thanos, his desire to lose is a consequence of his being in love with the Grim Reaper, and wanting to die so he can be with her.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesWow, that's pretty deep.
Yeah, I've always wondered about that. The thing is, if you want to die, it'd probably be more productive to start pissing off Dr. Doom or Galactus or someone who might *actually* kill you.
@Redazrael I think he wanted to kill as many people as possible since it'd all be an offering for Death, you know, like roses, only creepier.