9 Superhero Powers That Would Be More Trouble Than They're Worth
Sure, who hasn't wished for superpowers? Super-speed, super-flight, super-strength-these are the cool powers, the ones with which all comic book superheroes seem to do so well for themselves. But there are a few lesser-known powers found in the funny pages that nobody wants to be saddled with. Any practical use they have would be countered by the sheer embarrassment and/or inconvenience of having them.
#9.
Telepathy
"Oh, come on," you're probably thinking. "What's wrong with telepathy?" And sure, it sounds like it'd be a useful power. You can keep tabs on what that back-stabbing co-worker of yours is up to, instantly know what your boss thinks about you and actually figure out what your girlfriend means when you ask "What's wrong?" and you get one of those meaning-laden "Oh... nothing..." replies.
Then again, like most people, you're probably sort of a prick. Do you really want to know what other people think of you? Sometimes the only way you can get through the day dealing with other people is being able to convince yourself they're not five seconds from gut-punching your dumb ass.
Telepathy means you'll never have that comforting illusion ever again. Try hearing, "He really put on some weight," "Nice hair, douchebag, did Supercuts have a coupon day?" and "Has this guy ever heard of deodorant?" before breakfast, and the phrase "Ignorance is bliss" will start making a lot of sense all of a sudden.
#8.
Super-intelligence
Life is rough for smart kids in school. There's nothing super-heroic about getting your underwear yanked up your ass by meatheads because you can read without moving your lips. Having said that, in any high school, there's always that one smug, self-satisfied smart kid who likes rubbing their big brain in the other kids' faces.
Remember how much everyone hated that kid? Okay, now add "super-intelligence" to your list of powers, where suddenly you can argue foreign policy with Nobel Laureates while doing long division in your head and scribbling a cure for leukemia on a notepad. You're gonna turn into an insufferable jerk faster than you can say, "Well, I suppose that's a simplified way of looking at it."
Lex Luthor may be a genius, but nobody's inviting his smug ass to their house parties.
the best power, without a doubt, would be the power to freeze and unfreeze time at will. You could literally do anything.
ReplyOooh, good call.
The Atom got to ride in Wonder Woman's cleavage and watch her beat holy sh!t out of a bunch of bad guys. I'd take that any day.
Reply#6 I can super blow him i can see uses for signifgant other to have that power. lets just say bet Lois enjoys it
wouldn't the bigger drawback of telepathy be if you couldn't zero in on one person and had to hear the thoughts of every insufferable ass in the world all the time?
ReplySuper speed would actually be kinda bad, unless you had physics defying powers. A: You would need to have increased brain processing power, to be able to keep up with your speed. B: Your body would need to be pretty much steel, since if you run into anything, you would get broke fast man. Other stuff too, but Im too lazy to continue
ReplyWhy does everyone rag on Aquaman? His powers weren't limited to the water, he could also use the ambient moisture in the air to make ANY shape, form or weapon he could think of. Kind of like Green Lantern without the stupid 'colour yellow' thing. Pretty awesome superpower I'd say.
ReplyCouldnt he also control the water in peoples bodies to insta-kill via exsanguination.
Ooh, good call, JRD...
Okay, with number 1 the asshat who wrote this just forfeited their internet privileges.
Replyi thought link was the swordsman. Didn't zelda use magic?
I don't see as telepathy being so bad,it's not like you can't control it,and with telepathy,if you hear someone think something bad about you,you can just make them run into oncoming traffic by thinking it.
ReplyThe best super-power would be the ability to give people instant explosive diarrhea.
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ReplyI once read about the "Unified Power Theory" of how all of Superman's crazy mixed bag of powers were all one power.
The ability to effect, on a molecular-to-kilometer radius area-of-affect, the inertia or momentum of objects in his vicinity.
He's not lifting things with super-strength, he's negating inertia and imparting momentum to an object in a certain direction to create the effect. Which is why he can catch a falling jet without ripping through it like a dart thru tissue.
He's not "flying", he's granting himself momentum in whichever direction he chooses, at whatever velocity he can conceive.
He doesn't freeze things with his breath or burn thing with "eye-beams", he's slowing down or speeding up molecular motion in an object to freezing or ignition temperatures.
Accelerating photons to his eyes and sound waves to his ears accounts for super-senses.
And absorbing/negating the energy of incoming projectiles or punches creates the effect of invulnerability.
I may be paraphrasing the h3ll out of the article, but I think you get the point.
you could use that logic for any person with multiple super powers though
What was even going on in that Aquaman cartoon? And, I loved the Splitter one, classic!
ReplyThis article must have been written by an extraordinarily bitter person. I started to type an "Either that, or..." scenario, but realized that if he was just very creative he'd have been able to come up with better examples. I can only hope that the pessimism and loathing are somewhat under control and he merely has access to them, without them severely affecting his day-to-day life.
ReplyTelepathy? Seriously? That's a downside, not a "more trouble than it's worth". Telepathy can prevent MURDERS, not to mention several other kinds of deaths and serious, permanent injuries and loss of property and livelihood.
"Oh, you think I'm an arrogant, unfunny schmuck and you only pretend to be friends with me because I have access to the best pot in town? In the past month I prevented the deaths of 6 people and saved a dozen children from molesters and kidnappers. What have you done with your life?"
I kinda of agree on the telepathy aspect. "You might hear bad things about you!" Big deal. That doesn't make it more trouble than it's worth.
"Being too super intelligent will make you an asshole." Doesn't make it more trouble than it's worth.
besides, if you really were super intelligent, and cared about what people thought about you. you could just figure out what would make them like you and do that
Matter-Eater Lad would have been a useful superhero on the battlefield. Just have one of the super fast guys run around snatching everyone's guns, bombs, and nuclear devices, give them to Eater and tell that useless piece of s**t to start munching.
ReplyMatter Eater-Lad would have been a very useful superhero on the battlefield. Have one of the guys who runs super fast go around snatching all of the enemies guns, bombs, nuclear devices or whatever they were using to extort money from the government, and hand that s**t to Eater and tell him to start munchin' mother fucker. Here, this ones got hot sauce on it!
ReplyDo lasers count as matter? Isn't that one of physics' great mysteries. This guy solves it by being shot in the face if he is wrong.
Replyno it's light.
Actually Aquaman has a power no one ever talks about. Super strength. Think about it he survives ocean pressures that would crush a regular man. He would naturally be stronger than other men like Superman is super strong because of Krypton's greater gravity.
ReplyThe only good ones are super speed, strength, flight and invisibility?
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesTelekinesis. You can more or less fly with it, you don't need super strength, you don't have to worry about dodging bullets if you can stop them, and who cares if they see you if you can stop bullets? Not to mention the innumerable things you could do aside from that if you got creative. Want fire? Compress the air around an object very quickly. Want ice? Decompress the air. Want to breathe underwater? Make a bubble of air around you. Too lazy to pick up the remote? You get the idea.
I decided long ago that in the [ridiculously improbable] situation in which I am offered three wishes, they would be: telekinesis, photokinesis, and world peace.
All true. I'd go for TK, as well.
What about telekinetically manipulating the momentum that exists in photons (like how solar sails work)? Then you'd have photokinesis covered under telekinsis, and could spare yourself a wish.
So if you have photokinesis covered in your first wish, what'd be your second? Mine would be pyrokinesis, because in my opinion generating fire from friction in the air using telekinesis isn't accurate or powerful enough.
Telekinesis is simply the ability to move matter around. Often people confuse it for Psychokinesis, which is pretty much like calling all canines "dogs". Sure, you can get away with it, but it makes you sound kind of dumb to everyone who knows better. Psychokinesis covers every other -kinesis out there, so long as the individual simply trains to handle them. Want to control fire? Just work at it a bit. The same for electricity, light, and whatever else they've added the -kinesis suffix to. It would allow you to completely break the laws of physics with a bit of effort.
EXACTLY! Why does no one mention telekenesis in these articles? When I was a little girl I saw the MewTwo movie and ever since then have decided if I ever had a super power it would be telekenesis.
The only good ones are super speed, strength, flight and invisibility?
ReplyTelekinesis. You can more or less fly with it, you don't need super strength, you don't have to worry about dodging bullets if you can stop them, and who cares if they see you if you can stop bullets? Not to mention the innumerable things you could do aside from that if you got creative. Want fire? Compress the air around an object very quickly. Want ice? Decompress the air. Want to breathe underwater? Make a bubble of air around you. Too lazy to pick up the remote? You get the idea.
I decided long ago that in the [ridiculously improbable] situation in which I am offered three wishes, they would be: telekinesis, photokinesis, and world peace.
Kind of ironic that the number one listing is "Being Aquaman," and then the writer immediately praises the power of super strength...which Aquaman has.
ReplyNot to mention a limited form of super speed (underwater only).
He does have enhanced speed on land, along with limited invulnerability, and IIRC his telepathy is no longer limited to "just ocean creatures".
All retcons aside orginal Aqua man sucked evem with super strengh they had to hack off his hand and give him a hook, and for a while a magic hand made of water to make him mildly intersting
This was stupid.
ReplyThere's an ad on the right side of my screen with a picture of Natalie Portman topless, covering her boobs with her hands. Damn, now I have to change my pants. And my chair.
ReplyHilarious comment is hilarious.