The 6 Creepiest Sexual Encounters in Comic Book History

We may have mentioned a few times how comic books have mastered the art of finding new and creative ways of making sex bizarrely unappealing, even to people who read comic books. Here are some instances of superhero stories aspiring for romance but failing horrifically, like Cupid aiming his bow at a young couple but missing and hitting a choleraic orphan in the face.

#6. Uncanny X-Men #440 -- Angel and Husk Have Midair Sex in Front of Husk's Mom

Paige Guthrie, code name Husk, is one of the lesser-known characters from the X-Men universe. She briefly had a fling with Angel, who is about 12 years older than her. It isn't the considerable age gap between them that has gotten these two on our list, however, or even the fact that Husk's incredibly unsexy power is the ability to transform into any element she wants after physically pulling the skin from her body.

Uncanny X-Men #440
On the plus side, she's never without the means to fashion an incredibly macabre condom.

No, this relationship officially gets awkward when the couple (along with the rest of the X-Men) are in Kentucky at Husk's mother's house. Husk hears Angel admitting to her mom that he is intentionally pulling away from her because he's scared she'll die (and not because of the fact that she's 19 and he's thirty-goddamned-one). After the confrontation, they kiss and make up in a big way:

Uncanny X-Men #440
Their kids will have really bad wing eczema.

To make it even more romantic in a way that only genetically altered mutants can, Angel carries her into the sky and they make love in the air, Angel pulling off and tossing Husk's dress down to the onlookers below:

Uncanny X-Men #440
Or her skin. You know, whichever would be more creepy to wear as a trophy.

That lady who is turning away in embarrassment? That's Husk's mother. The one who's standing in a good spot to wind up with some drops of mutant semen in her hair if she doesn't get out of the way. The guy catching the dress is Wolverine. Yep, the rest of the X-Men are also enjoying the show.

Uncanny X-Men #440
"So ... we're all just going to watch this happen? Is that what we've decided?"

Note that when Husk drops to the ground moments later, it clearly shows that Angel's pants have disappeared, along with any sense of shame he may have once had in his life.

Uncanny X-Men #440
"Any chance you could turn back, babe? We've got a real 'sword in the stone' situation going on."

#5. Teen Titans #36 -- Robin and Wonder Girl Make Out in Dead-Body Juice

This story happens a year after the tragic death of Superboy, who was Robin's best friend and Wonder Girl's boyfriend. This being a comic book, Robin deals with his grief by trying to clone Superboy in the basement.

Teen Titans #36
Pictured: Angsty teenage science.

Unfortunately, it isn't working, and after failing to bring his best friend back to life yet again, Robin smashes his clone jar in a fit of bong-destroying rage. Green cellular Superboy clone goop spills everywhere.

Teen Titans #36
"At this rate, I'll never be able to clone Batman new parents in time for his birthday!"

Robin has, of course, been doing his experiments in secret, so when Wonder Girl comes in to see what all the glass-smashing hubbub is about and finds him trying to rebuild her dead boyfriend from old fingernails or whatever, she bawls him out for acting so totally insane. But then the tears start coming.

Teen Titans #36
And crying makes anything OK.

The two then share a passionate kiss, finding the comfort they so desperately need to cope with the loss of their friend. They collapse to the floor:

Teen Titans #36
Accompanied by the sound of a sodden squeegee moving across tile.

Yes, the floor. The floor that is one huge puddle of the half-formed remains of the very friend they're mourning. And yes, the shit is right there -- just seconds before, Robin is shown with the goo slipping through his fingers -- fingers he will momentarily run through Wonder Girl's hair.

Teen Titans #36
Of course, it won't be the first time she's had Superboy's goo in her hair. Sorry.

Both of them know what this stuff is, and yet they're just kneeling there, letting the Superboy corpse soup soak into their clothes while they swallow each other's faces. It kind of makes you wonder if Superboy's last living act wasn't to place a wish for a threesome with a particularly cruel genie.

#4. Wonder Woman #284 -- Robin Wants to Bone His Sister

Despite what the title may lead you to believe, for some reason this comic has nothing to do with Wonder Woman and everything to do with the Huntress, aka Helena Wayne, the daughter of Batman and Catwoman from an alternate universe.

"Hey, they both got tits, right? That's all anybody's buying this book for."

In this issue, the Huntress gets help from Batman's grown-up sidekick, Robin, aka Dick Grayson.

Wonder Woman #284
Again, you may notice the staggering lack of Wonder Woman.

During a break from their investigation, Helena and Dick head down to the training room for some exercise. We watch them chit-chat and perform some impossibly bendy pseudo-gymnastics for a while, and then this happens:

Wonder Woman #284
That's right, Dick. She said "little."

Romance! And honestly, it makes complete sense -- Batman's daughter falls for Batman's young protege. They're a perfect match. Except for the fact that they're siblings. Not biologically, of course, but they were raised in the same house by the same people at the same time. At the very least, this means that Dick is Helena's foster brother, but in all probability they are step-siblings. And if you still don't see what's creepy about it, check this out:

Wonder Woman #284
So ... so is she peeing? What's going on here?

That's Robin drawing the creepy comparison between changing her as an infant and seeing her naked as an adult, and then referring to the nudity involved in the former as a "privilege." Jesus, Batman should've just let the fucking Joker babysit. Oh, it only gets worse from here.

To all our male readers who have sisters -- if you were planning on visiting your sister but knew she was showering, you'd wait until after she got out of the shower to head over, right? If you're Dick Grayson and you have sister-doink on the mind, you break into her apartment and barge right into the goddamn bathroom.

Wonder Woman #284
Smooth, Robin. Now clumsily hide your boner with that newspaper.

That's right -- he picked the freaking lock and was waiting for her in the bathroom to helpfully remind her that they aren't really related. And just in case you thought he was done being weird, Dick specifically tells Helena not to get dressed. So they can talk for the rest of the evening, and just, ya know, see what happens.

Wonder Woman #284
"I like listening to the water drip off your skin."

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here


The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!