Christmas
Die Hard is a Christmas movie, yes, but did you realize Die Hard is the horniest Christmas movie? It's true. But what makes a Christmas movie? Well, those three things, plus a dash of crazy in the eggnog. Just don't do like A Muppet Christmas Carol and lose the footage to “When Love Is Gone.” Every second of that movie is a treasure, #NoMoreLostMuppets.
We should probably talk about the reason for the season: War! That's right, ask the Fox News crowd and the reason for Christmas is war. Some stores are fighting the War on Christmas bravely, and good on them. We'd hate for anyone involved to understand the Bible version of Christmas.
But seriously, enjoy Cracked's Christmas articles below. And remember: getting to Christmas means you survived another year. That's something to celebrate.
The War On Xmas Is Real: And I'm Its Architect
Accept a warm 'Happy Holidays' from me, the mastermind behind the War on Christmas.
- Authors
- By Aaron Kheifets
- Published
- Comments
-
0
0 The 3 Worst Christmas Movies Are All Available On Netflix
Maybe you can use these movies to ruin Christmas for someone else.
- Authors
- By Mark Hill
- Published
- Comments
- 0
21 Holiday Traditions With Shockingly Bizarre Origins
Holiday traditions don't actually originate from elves and Krampus.
- Authors
- By Cracked Plasticians
- Published
- Comments
- 270
6 Dumb Myths The Media Spreads Every Holiday Season
There's no holiday tradition more universal than bunk news shared by worried grandmas and angry moralists.
- Authors
- By Mark Hill
- Published
- Comments
- 433
9 Ugly Holiday Sweaters That Will Ruin Any Office Party
Some sweaters can put you in a sealed, red HR folder.
- Authors
- By Katie Goldin
- Published
- Comments
- 0
Sign up for the Cracked Newsletter
Get the best of Cracked sent directly to your inbox!
Why 'The Grinch' Is MUCH Darker Than You Ever Realized
Spoiler alert: 'How The Grinch Stole Christmas!' is really about a community of traumatized people who live in constant fear of genocide.
- Authors
- By Mark Oliver
- Published
- Comments
- 0
Finally, A Holiday Catalog For The Criminally Insane
Now that your Christmas gifts have been judged and left ye wanting, celebrate the Saint of the Unforgiven and know your heart's desire.
- Authors
- By Brendan McGinley
- Published
- Comments
- 0
6 Cheerful Christmas Traditions With Shockingly Dark Origins
The origin of the Rudolph story is as depressingly cynical as its underlying message.
- Authors
- By Pat Carnell
- Published
- Comments
- 271
9 Ads That Should Have Started An Actual War On Christmas
Old-timey Christmas was a strange time, full of alcoholic ghosts and perverted Santas.
- Authors
- By Diana McCallum
- Published
- Comments
- 309
5 Totally Well-Meaning Things People Do To Ruin The Holidays
Thanks to all you out there trying your damnedest to make the holidays nicer for everyone, even in spite of the fact that you're making things worse.
- Authors
- By C. Coville
- Published
- Comments
- 0
How 8 Stores Are Fighting The War On Christmas
Family Dollar is clearly not ashamed to love Christmas in a Christmas-hating world, and that's an admirable trait for any soldier to have.
- Authors
- By Daniel Dockery
- Published
- Comments
- 0
5 Petty Ways People Are Ruining Christmas This Year
Red Starbucks cups are so last month. Here some new things for your family to yell about over Christmas dinner.
- Authors
- By Kathy Benjamin
- Published
- Comments
- 0
5 Christmas Movies You Never Realized Had Insane Messages
Spoiler alert: Whoville is utterly destroyed in a manner befitting Norse mythology.
- Authors
- By Adam Wears
- Published
- Comments
- 409
5 Little Known Holiday Traditions We Need to Adopt
Why not apply a little tradition mix-and-match to your holidays this year to make them as cool as humanly possible?
- Authors
- By Pauli Poisuo
- Published
- Comments
- 0
4 Awesome Winter Customs America Needs to Steal
We'd all appreciate the season more if colder weather meant we could look forward to this insane stuff.
- Authors
- By C. Coville
- Published
- Comments
- 0
