Die Hard is a Christmas movie, yes, but did you realize Die Hard is the horniest Christmas movie? It's true. But what makes a Christmas movie? Well, those three things, plus a dash of crazy in the eggnog. Just don't do like A Muppet Christmas Carol and lose the footage to “When Love Is Gone.” Every second of that movie is a treasure, #NoMoreLostMuppets.

We should probably talk about the reason for the season: War! That's right, ask the Fox News crowd and the reason for Christmas is war. Some stores are fighting the War on Christmas bravely, and good on them. We'd hate for anyone involved to understand the Bible version of Christmas.

But seriously, enjoy Cracked's Christmas articles below. And remember: getting to Christmas means you survived another year. That's something to celebrate

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