Christmas is Cancelled, William Shatner Broke It

Unless you're the proud owner of an ornament depicting Spock's painful demise, you probably don't associate Star Trek with Christmas. Well get ready for that to change, because now you can cram the holiday season full of the dulcet tones of Captain Kirk himself. Yup, leveling the playing field with Star Wars fans who already have plenty of tacky holiday tie-ins to ironically enjoy, William Shatner has released a Christmas album. And if you don't think it's called "Shatner Claus," then you've got the wrong 87-year-old sci-fi icon.

Cleopatra RecordsSpoiler alert: It is called Shatner Claus!

Continue Reading Below


Continue Reading Below


Shatner brings his trademark, uh, style to yuletide classics like "Little Drummer Boy" and "Jingle Bells," and features guests such as Henry Rollins and Jethro Tull's Ian Anderson. Also, Iggy Pop joins Shatner to sing "Silent Night," for anyone who ever thought the manger scene was missing a gyrating shirtless dude. To promote the album and perhaps kill Christmas once and for all, Shatner also made a music video for "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer," and it's ... weird. The video starts with a sedate Shatner reading the story of Rudolph to a gaggle of small children and adults dressed like elves.

Cleopatra Records

Continue Reading Below


Then things start to rock, and by "rock" we mean embark on a surreal journey into the heart of a tinsel-filled nightmare. Shatner dons a shiny leopard-print jacket and sunglasses, and is joined by one of the ZZ Top guys (presumably, getting both costs extra) on a stage seemingly in the living room of a suburban McMansion, where it rains confetti and what we can only assume is cocaine.

Cleopatra Records

Cleopatra RecordsWait, is that ZZ or Top? Eh, who cares.

Continue Reading Below


Continue Reading Below


The crowd now includes break dancers, acrobats, and other ravers likely confused at how they ended up at Captain Kirk's house. If you've ever drank a carton of eggnog after leaving it on a radiator for 24 hours, all of this probably feels a little too familiar.

Cleopatra RecordsIt's also an Easter egg for Star Trek XIV: The Christmas Planet.

We'd be lying if we said we weren't going to check out the rest of this holiday madness, but it is a tad disappointing that Shatner didn't just release a Trek-themed Christmas album. He could have sung "Jingle Bell Spock" or "Khan You See What I See?" or "Holodeck The Halls" -- this thing writes itself!

Continue Reading Below


You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter, or check out the podcast Rewatchability.

Support your favorite Cracked writers with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out Giant Santa Claus Terrorizes British Motorists and Customer Service Can See Everything You Type (Everything).

Also, we'd love to know more about you and your interesting lives, dear readers. If you spend your days doing cool stuff, drop us a line at iDoCoolStuff at Cracked dot com, and maybe we can share your story with the entire internet.

Follow us on Facebook. If you like jokes and stuff.

To turn on reply notifications, click here


Load Comments

More Articles

5 Screwed-Up Secrets The Ultra-Rich Don't Want You To Know

You don't make astonishing amounts of money without ending up a jerk in some way.


5 Billion-Dollar Industries That Treat Workers Like Garbage

Even our most popular forms of entertainment can treat their employees like absolute trash.


5 Underreported Dumb Annoyances Pro Athletes Put Up With

Being at the top of your game can really drag you down.


5 Acts Of Charity That Went Horrendously Wrong

The road to losing your tax exemption status is paved with good intentions.


6 Very Stupid Questions With Very Smart Answers

No serious person would ask these questions ... but we got serious answers anyway.


5 Dark (But Hilarious) Times Big Tech Companies Failed Hard

Well, this is ... bleakly hilarious.