Christmas

Die Hard is a Christmas movie, yes, but did you realize Die Hard is the horniest Christmas movie? It's true. But what makes a Christmas movie? Well, those three things, plus a dash of crazy in the eggnog. Just don't do like A Muppet Christmas Carol and lose the footage to “When Love Is Gone.” Every second of that movie is a treasure, #NoMoreLostMuppets.

We should probably talk about the reason for the season: War! That's right, ask the Fox News crowd and the reason for Christmas is war. Some stores are fighting the War on Christmas bravely, and good on them. We'd hate for anyone involved to understand the Bible version of Christmas.

But seriously, enjoy Cracked's Christmas articles below. And remember: getting to Christmas means you survived another year. That's something to celebrate. 

The 4 Christmas Articles You'll See On The Internet

The 4 Christmas Articles You'll See On The Internet

This year, instead of going all over the Internet and reading everything you come across, I'll save us all some time and just tell you the kind of Christmas articles you're going to see. This year and every year.

A ROUNDUP OF INTERVIEWS, DEEP DIVES, & TRIVIA

5 Creepy Christmas Traditions from Around the World

Everyone has different Christmas traditions: Some of us decorate trees, some of us drink egg-nog, some of us eat fruitcake, and some of us cover ourselves in feces, threaten to murder our children, and foster racism in their hearts.

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Frosty the Snowman Declares War on The War on Christmas

Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon have shown us that whenever there's a ridiculous war in the future, a brave hero from Earth's present travels there to win it. I thought that I could apply this scientific process to help win a ridiculous war raging today: The War on Christmas.

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The Best Goddamn Christmas Letter You Ever Got

As I do ever year, let me start by saying, you're welcome. You have no doubt received my final edits on your own Christmas letters in the mail by this point. I will say that on the whole, I found them as endearing as they were littered with cliches and errors.

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