So we at least know the box didn't contain food.
... a trailer park couple dealing with some kind of deranged possession ...
As most young couples do.
... a suspiciously upbeat birthday party ...
Featuring a child who appears to be dressed as a gigantic dong.
... and whatever the goddamn hell this kid is doing ...
And since I'm writing this from the past (whoa, you guys), the movie is actually available right damn now. Go on iTunes or Amazon and rent that shit, you fucking time-wizard.
And speaking of the terrifying ladies ...
The Love Witch: Feminism Disguised As '70s Camp
Blu-ray release: April 1st, 2017
Alright. Technically, The Love Witch isn't an "upcoming film". Technically it came out to a limited amount of theaters in 2016. In fact, you can absolutely rent the movie right now on Vimeo. But there was no damn way I could omit this kooky throwback masterpiece -- not when it has more boobed-violence and '70s camp than Russ Meyer's dream journal.
Boobs, butts, and black magic. The trifecta!
As the trailer will explain -- the movie follows Elaine, a love-obsessed witch driven mad by the patriarchy. Using a combination of "love magic" and a butt-ton of drugs, we spend the next few hours watching as she indifferently burns through lovers like they were classroom hamsters.
With the same teacher backyard burial method.
While looking like a bad sexploitation film, the film is actually sitting in the high-90 percent on Rotten Tomatoes and has been hailed as a feminist masterpiece by many critics. The reason is clear when you watch it, and suddenly realize that what you thought was going to be some shallow Tarantino-esque Grindhouse tribute is actually about the cultural stigmas and expectations that come with a woman's sexuality. For while the face-value victims appear to just be her male companions, the more we learn about Elaine's past the more we realize that she's a victim as well, of the patriarchal society that made her a monster.
At least I'm pretty sure that's what it's about. Not to sound sexist, but as a man there were times where it felt like the message simply went over my head. And that's totally fine, because there was still a lot of nudity and pretty colors to keep me entertained between screaming "don't drink that, bro" at the TV.
Do you know of an amazing upcoming film that no one seems to be talking about? Don't be shy! Tweet to Dave about it!
Also check out 7 Awesome New Movies Nobody Told You About and 6 Crazy New Movies That Slipped Under Audiences' Radars.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 7 True Stories That Should've Already Been Made Into Movies, and other videos you won't see on the site!
Follow us on Facebook, and we'll follow you everywhere.