6 Baffling Internet Searches for Medical Advice
There is an adage popularized in academia and which has since seeped into the cultural lexicon that says, "There are no stupid questions." Sadly, this saying lost the majority of its advocates right around the time the Internet took off and everyone realized their tolerance for stupidity was grossly over-pledged.
When anything is possible, humanity has chosen to lick its elbows.
There are thousands of bewildering questions poured into search engines every day, which is a scary prospect both because the Internet is a breeding ground for misinformation and because the majority of those searches are for medical advice. What's more, advertisers buy page real-estate around those searches, hoping to cash in on the naiveté and desperation of the sickly instead of offering them the help they're hunting.
Ignorance deserves better.
It deserves the counsel of someone who has experienced nearly every survivable ailment first hand, it deserves someone who won't judge for petty misunderstanding of human anatomy, it deserves someone who came really close to graduating from that free online medical course he took last spring. My Uncle Frank has devoted himself to doling out honest answers and candid advice for the people who are in critical need of help but unwilling to put on pants to go get it. The following are completely real questions people have asked the Internet, and the answers they wholly deserve.
#6.
#5.
#4.
"Just like the lizard that can release its tail, women can drop out their uteruses when there's danger."
ReplyAh, shit. Yes. Just yes.
I'm a sweet, friendly, honest , caring girl in search of "the one".I've been single for over one years so i got a name Amanda2011 on----- richmatchmaking.c%o~m -------to find my Mr right..it is the first and best club for wealthy people and their admirers. …you don’t have to be rich ,but you can meet one there , maybe you wanna check it out or tell your friends! Sometimes the perfect person for you is the one you least expect. maybe you can have a try.asfhrtytuiqwqw..............
Replymaybe the funniest article ive read so far on cracked, but im still a nub
ReplyWhy the downvotes?
#3 made my day
ReplyIt my favorite, too.
"stabbing pain" is an actual expression. It means sharp jabs of pain. There is nothing wrong with that question.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesYou make me want to punch babies.
The thing that's wrong is you.
He's right, you know.
#6 is wrong. If you have sex when you are pregnant, then obviously the baby is going to come out pregnant.
ReplyOddly enough, you could get pregnant while your pregnant. It happen to a women, who had a pair of twins, but each kid was for a different man. Apparently if you release two eggs during ovulation, then they're both viable for a certain period of time. So she sleeps with one guy on one day, then sleeps with the next later that same day. What a way to find out that your wifes cheating on you, huh?
Reply"...the product of an ill-timed orgy."
If you're going to argue semantics, it could also happen (and has) to a woman born with two functional uteri.
If you don't like Uncle Frank, f**k you.
ReplyI love Uncle Frank! I've always wondered who's picture it is that he uses...Just curious.
ReplyTook me a while to realize these weren't real.
ReplyThat's sad.
I'm pretty sure the questions are real. As to the answers, well someone said it...
uncle frank is my favorite!
ReplyI can see some of these (like the cancer, pregnancy and salmonella ones) being the result of an argument between two people rather than someone seeking actual medical advice.
ReplyDidn't really find the stabbing pain one too funny though, there are far more bizarre medical searches on the net.
Yeah, there's always a could-be-legit question thrown into these. By that point I'm so interested on Uncle Frank's expert opinion that I don't mind.
lol these questions are pretty funny and I can just imagine the type of people who genuinely do not know the answers haha. However, the question about the "stabbing pain in your leg" could be a good question, just worded badly. I'm thinking they were asking about a charlie horse? Not everyone is expected to know how that happens. My leg muscle will cramp up randomly sometimes if I stretch it wrong, and yeah I'd say it would be a "stabbing" pain.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesYeah, I don't think that's a dumb question at all (although the answer is hilarious, so I don't really care). Doctors will ask patients to describe their pain, and will offer words such as "stabbing" as examples.
just shows the people answering the questions are as dumb as the people asking them
I think all three of you missed the point.
One of your most useless and least funny articles on the site, BOOOOOOOOOOO.
Replyone of your most useless and ill-conceived comments on the site, BOOOOOOOOOO.
I agree. I like the idea, just not the way it was presented.
Wait, so when the internet told me that the cure to cancer was to eat spam-flavored oatmeal made by blind, hook-handed monks from the Alps with a copper spork, set with blue rubies, while quoting the Necronomicon backyards in Hungarian and doing a Cossack dance on one leg, that was a lie?! Well, s**t, I gotta call the patent office and cancel it now.
ReplyThat was horribly unfunny.
You're trying too hard, man.
can ... nggh ... tongue's stretched all the way ... urgh ... getting to it ... ugh ... another inch ... ouch! ... ouch ouch ouch ... stabbing pain on my neck ... ouch ...
Reply Hide All See All 3 Repliess**t dude! Checked to see if you've been stabbed...
... or shot! don't forget shotting pains feel much like stabbing pains!
Your average individual cannot lick their own elbow, but I did see a video on TV of a girl who demonstrated this ability. I was rather surprised to see it honestly.
Haha This is some good advice, whenever I ask my doctor these questions he just assumes I'm a deviant.
ReplyHow do I spread Salmonella?
Reply"Invite a friend over and undercook the meat."
If your wife is a vegitarian wipe raw chicken on the spinach before you serve it.
Thanks for the help Dr. Frank.
Dear idiot Cracked author: You actually can get pregnant while you're pregnant. It's odd, it's unlikely, but with the amount of sex people have it happens more often then you'd think. Do your research, and look up Superfetation.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesDo your research. It has only happened 10 times in the history of the world. That is not exactly "All the time" and when it does happen, it never results in twins.
Frank also states that all twins are Superfetations.
That is why it is so funny (Except to you)
Hahahahaha.....No.. Just no Ragnrok. Are women and vaginas really that foreign to you?
Ghettoblaster7, if you be trollin', you would do well to dial up the a*****ery a bit. Not a lot; just enough that you're actually somewhat inflammatory. As it stands, you're just coming across as a mildly angry dumbass.
If you aren't trolling and are in fact just kind of stupid, well...maybe you should try reading a book or something?
If I have a throbbing pain in my leg, what does that mean?
ReplyIt means you done got throbbed. Duh.
a constant pain in your leg that also is constantly changing in intensity?