When a military computer makes an error, it can be catastrophic. When your Internet browser makes an error, it's fucking annoying. But when a video game makes an error ... well, that's a completely different situation. Because let's face it, the hilarious results can be even better than the game the developers were trying to create.
6 Dragon's Dogma -- The Surprise Gay Ending
Dragon's Dogma, Capcom's recent RPG about dragons and shit, proved that combining video games and romance isn't always a good idea ... especially if the developers don't know what romance actually entails. What started as a perfectly innocent attempt to bring love into the game ended with thousands of players helplessly seeing their characters molested near a campfire.
Dragon's Dogma had the rare ability of allowing you to "romance" any character in the game by doing things like giving them gifts or drawing your sword in front of them (in real life, that usually gets you arrested). However, due to a glitch in the system, the only requirement for raising someone's "romance level" was talking to them -- meaning the game would unilaterally decide that whoever you talked to the most must be your lover, whether you liked it or not. So, upon reaching the crucial part of the game where you have to fight a dragon that has kidnapped your beloved, many players were surprised to find out that their beloved was ... the guy who runs the inn. Or the old shopkeeper. Or even the mustachioed midget in the jester suit you kept talking to because you were stoned and his voice seemed amusing.
Or at least that's what you told yourself at the time.
Naturally, after you rescue them from the dragon, that person you talked to a bunch of times wants to give you a reward. A sexual reward. This leads to the aforementioned molestation by firelight.
"Hey man, what's going on?"
"Um, sure, you can sit here. What are you, uh ..."
"Hey! Get off m- DEAR GOD, IT'S HUGE."
And all through that, the players could do nothing to stop what was happening to their character, while simultaneously refusing to look away in case some vital game-related information was dropped in the middle of the lovemaking session. Bear in mind that at no point does the game indicate that there's a romance blossoming between you and a complete stranger -- even players who actively pursued romances with different characters ended up with random dudes. At the end of the game, there's another romantic scene where your character wakes up on a beach and your unwitting lover runs to your arms.
And then you have erotic dreams about his face for a month.
So kudos to Capcom for making same-sex relationships possible, and "ewww" for making them non-consensual.
5 Major League Baseball 2K6 -- The Outfielder Who Takes to the Sky
Major League Baseball 2K6 did many things wrong, starting with shortening the wrong part of its title. On one hand, this was the first game to add many elements that made it more like real baseball, like arguing managers, audience members catching the ball, and concession stands that sell frozen piss instead of beer (presumably). On the other hand, we're pretty sure we've never seen a real baseball player just friggin' shoot up 200 feet into the air to catch a ball:
OK, this steroids situation is getting ridiculous.
Yeah, either Clark Kent changed careers and is taking his usual lax approach at hiding his secret identity (watch as he slowly floats down to the ground after catching the ball, hoping no one noticed what he just did), or this shitty turd of a game is broken. We're leaning toward the latter possibility. Apparently, this happens when the computer thinks the outfielder should be able to catch the ball while common sense says he shouldn't, so the computer kindly tells common sense to go fuck itself for a little while.
Common sense learned to stay out of Boston a long time ago.
The uploader of the video actually says the glitch happened six times in a single game. It's like one team has the grossly unfair advantage of having invisible angels who carry the players up in the air to help them win -- all that's missing is Tony Danza and a young Joseph Gordon-Levitt and this is a '90s Disney sports/fantasy movie (of the non-dog-protagonist variety). But, you know, this is an old game. Surely these kinks have been ironed out in the more recent vers-
But, hey, at least they improved the grass graphics.