As long as humans exist, we will probably need weapons, and as long as we have weapons, we will be looking for ways to upgrade them to new, awesome, horrible levels. We do not necessarily approve of the use or even the manufacture of any of the following devices; we only feel a duty to alert you to their existence. Because they're insane.
5The Electroshock Cyborg Fist
No matter how many weapons have been created and refined over time, the first and often last weapon available to you is comprised of your very own balled hands. And, as we've pointed out before, they are difficult and relatively useless tools that are likely to cause more grief to you than your opponent.
Sure, there are all sorts of gloves and knuckledusters to protect delicate hands and/or increase punching power. Hell, there are even knuckleduster knife-guns. But sometimes, mere insanity is not enough. When you reach that point, what you need is electricity.
The Insane Upgrade
Incredibly, it isn't the hat.
Say hello to the BodyGuard, simultaneously the most awesome and irresponsible self-defense weapon in the history of everything. Its strangeness starts with its designer, David Brown -- instead of being a weaponsmith, he's a music video editor, producer and cameraman for artists like Rage Against the Machine and Snoop Dogg. So it comes as no surprise that his invention packs a certain amount of swagger: It's basically an armored Batman glove that encompasses your entire arm.
Brown has equipped the glove with a high-powered stun gun, for the sole reason of allowing you to electro-punch shit. To accompany that, he also threw in a flashlight (to better see what you're electro-punching), and a laser pointer (to better aim your electro-punch), and a goddamn video camera (because no one on earth would believe you just electro-punched a dude unless you immediately got that shit onto YouTube).
At some point, a man looked up at the sky and said, "I need to turn this into a punch."
The thinking behind the BodyGuard is that in the heat of a violent encounter, a normal handheld weapon can be easily dropped or taken away -- whereas the only way the BodyGuard can be removed from you is if you were literally disarmed.
Although a relatively new product, the BodyGuard has already gained a measure of interest and fame among law enforcement, and is currently in trials with the LAPD. However, its original use was very different: It was invented to punch mountain lions.
Oh yes. Brown got the idea for his lightning combat glove when he learned of two bikers who had been mauled by a mountain lion. We can't help but be impressed by a guy whose instinctive reaction to such a story is: "I must now punch that lion with thunder!"
There's a certain elegance in simplicity.