The Insane Upgrade
Incredibly, it isn't the hat.
Say hello to the BodyGuard, simultaneously the most awesome and irresponsible self-defense weapon in the history of everything. Its strangeness starts with its designer, David Brown -- instead of being a weaponsmith, he's a music video editor, producer and cameraman for artists like Rage Against the Machine and Snoop Dogg. So it comes as no surprise that his invention packs a certain amount of swagger: It's basically an armored Batman glove that encompasses your entire arm.
Brown has equipped the glove with a high-powered stun gun, for the sole reason of allowing you to electro-punch s**t. To accompany that, he also threw in a flashlight (to better see what you're electro-punching), and a laser pointer (to better aim your electro-punch), and a goddamn video camera (because no one on earth would believe you just electro-punched a dude unless you immediately got that s**t onto YouTube).
At some point, a man looked up at the sky and said, "I need to turn this into a punch."