Yep, Prince was the first choice to play Ruby Rhod. Renowned fashion designer Jean Paul Gaultier drew up some concept art for Prince's proposed look, but the presentation didn't go so well. When describing the costume, Gaultier made the mistake of slapping himself on the ass while explaining that the backside would have a faux cul -- that's how French people say "fake ass," which is a surprisingly common phrase in French.

Prince didn't like that one bit and left immediately, because through Gaultier's accent, he thought faux cul was him saying "Fuck you." Here's the artwork he was shown, fake ass and all:

Columbia Pictures
Is it copyright infringement if your costume lifts a symbol invented to get around copyright laws?

The Purple One's touring schedule also prevented him from accepting the part, so only his style made it into the movie. They even got a replacement with his same cheek mole:

Columbia Pictures, Neil Lupin/Contributor/Getty Images
We guess Prince's diamond ear-grill was too "out there" for a character literally from outer space.

On the page, Dr. Alan Grant is an oddly specific character -- one who seems slightly familiar. Despite being a paleontologist, he isn't your typical ivory tower academic. He's a "barrel-chested," rough-and-tumble paleontologist "you wouldn't want to get in the way of." A colleague calls him "a digger," meaning the only thing that matters to him is being out on site, digging for an ancient find. When he's running for his life, we find out he's so good at derring-do that you'd think he was tenured by the Department of Jungle Survival.

Does that remind you of anyone? Say, a rough-and-tumble archaeologist who is only happy while running for his life through a jungle? Someone with a pretty dope hat?

Universal Studios
"Raptors. Why'd it have to be raptors?"

The character is such a close match to Indiana Jones that we're surprised his friends don't call him "Shmindy." Not only that, but early concept art of Dr. Grant running from a T-Rex looks like the product of Bob Ross, a photo of Harrison Ford, and a microdose of LSD:

Universal Studios
"You suck at estimating weight!"

That couldn't more clearly be Harrison Ford if the kid had a speech bubble saying "You call him 'Dr. Jones!'"

Sadly, Ford was offered the part by Stephen Spielberg, but he turned the role down, implying that running from dinosaurs seemed too far-fetched (like sending Indiana Jones "to Mars," he said). This from a guy famous for melting Nazis' faces with Bible magic.

Universal Studios
Plus, there was too much sexual tension with the audience as it was.

... or else raised in some kind of post-racial utopia where such a thing wouldn't even be used for someone's physical description.

Touchstone Pictures

Touchstone Pictures
"Ah, there she is! The average-height one."

Either way, not thinking through those rewrites probably makes us like those mobsters more than intended.

It should come as no shock that his top pick for his "unquestionably tough" leading man was Robert De Niro. In case you're wondering why, here's a side-by-side comparison of Dice Clay, De Niro, and Pesci from their last starring roles prior to My Cousin Vinny -- you decide which one of them would be the least helpful in a gang fight.

20th Century Fox, Universal Studios, 20th Century Fox

The studio heads, clearly great judges of character, rejected the idea of De Niro because they didn't think he was funny. Their counteroffer was Danny DeVito, but they eventually landed Pesci instead (who, come to think of it, is the exact midpoint between Robert De Niro and Danny DeVito). And Marisa Tomei landed herself an Oscar for convincing us that her being in a relationship with him was the slightest bit believable.

Even though he couldn't appear onscreen, Pryor is still all over the movie in its racially charged humor, and even in the casting of his replacement. Brooks wasn't keen on picking a new lead, and quit until Pryor convinced him to cast Little instead. Little did an incredible job (hey, Pryor knew what he was talking about). Still, it's hard to imagine anyone except Richard Pryor delivering Bart's famous closing line the way it was initially scripted:

Warner Bros. Studios

That also would have been the first time Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor appeared on screen together. Blazing Saddles is one of the greatest comedies of all time anyhow, but it'll be difficult to watch it again without wondering what could have been with Sheriff Pryor riding into Rock Ridge. Sorry, and you're welcome.

Tony Alpsen has a webcomic about conjoined twins called Ying & Yan. He's also well aware of how lame that sounds, but check it out anyway at yingandyan.com, just to make sure.

One of our most popular episodes from 2016 was when we invited Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark from 'My Favorite Murder' to talk about some of the best true-crime stories out there. So successful, in fact, that we're resurrecting it (get it?) for a part two! Metal Fang, the Strangling Executioner and the murderer living in the attic just weren't enough. So Jack O'Brien, Dan O'Brien and the Cracked staff welcome Karen and Georgia back for another creepy hour of serial killers and urban legends that are bound to make you terrified to go outside or talk to a stranger or do anything.

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For more dirty secrets of Hollywood casting, check out 7 Characters Clearly Designed For (Different) Famous Actors and 8 Insane Early Roles Famous Actors Don't Want You To See.

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