The 5 Most Statistically Full of Shit National Stereotypes
Stereotypes exist for a reason: They help us form opinions about people without all the hassle of getting to know them. Why waste time talking to, say, a Frenchman, when everybody knows they are a bunch of baguette-gobbling, beret-wearing cowards? Russians? Furious, bear-fighting drunkards. Dutch? A nation of burn-out potheads. Canadians? Like Americans, but polite. There! We just saved you years of pointless interaction with foreigners.
...or did we?
#5.
The French are Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys
Where We've Seen It:
The image of the "cowardly Frenchman" has appeared in virtually every media possible, from movies to children's shows and video games, right down to the personal sentiments of Captain America (and he wouldn't lie to you; dishonesty makes Captain America vomit in rage).
Why it's All Bullshit:
Ask Rudyard Kipling, who once famously said about the French: "Their business is war, and they do their business." And boy howdy, a quick glance at France's history shows business is booming:
Since 387 BC, France has fought 168 major wars against such badasses as the Roman Empire, the British Army and the Turkish forces. Their track record isn't too shabby, either: They've won 109, lost 49 and drawn (or as close as you can "draw" a war) 10 times. Professional boxers have been crowned world champions on shittier records than that.
And while it is true that France surrendered to Germany relatively early in WWII, that was only because they hadn't picked themselves up after WWI yet. And WWI (despite being an entire "I" lower) wasn't exactly an anemic playground chickenfight--the French suffered about 5.7 million casualties (the war killed or wounded an incredible 37 million people worldwide).
So yes, the next time around they let the Germans take over officially, but they never actually stopped fighting: the French resistance was one of the most enduring symbols of Nazi opposition in Europe. The resistance was the originator of the archetypal trench coat wearing merchants of bloody death you see in countless action movies and video games today. They blew up bridges, staged daring night raids, slit German throats while generally looking fantastic (if a little ennui-stricken) while doing it.
And not a damn thing's changed since then: France is the most underestimated military force in the world, with the third highest military spending on the planet and an estimated 300 nuclear warheads at their disposal. So basically... we might want to knock off the "coward" talk now, lest we find the impeccably-styled death squads smoking their thin cigarettes on our doorstep.
#4.
Polish People are Idiots
Where We've Seen It:
Countless variations of the "dumb Polack" joke expose the Poles' inability to change a light bulb in a hilarious fashion; the ease with which you can remove one from a tree; and their many tragic screen-door related underwater transport disasters.
Why it's All Bullshit:
IQ tests aren't perfect, but if independent IQ studies repeatedly determine that a country has one of the highest average intelligence quotients in Europe, and if you average a bunch of different national IQ tests together and that country does better than your own, it might be time to scale back all the submarine screen door jokes. Yes, Poland handed America its ass in the IQ department, and if Europe was a high school, Poland would be the resident nerd (which might explain why Germany and Russia made such a habit of taking their lunch money).
But if Poland is so smart, where are all their contributions to humanity--like a better mouse trap, a cure for cancer or maybe a better mousetrap that gives mice cancer? What did they ever do for the scientific community?
Well, in 1543, Nicolaus Copernicus formulated a comprehensive theory that the Sun, not our planet, is in the center of the universe, thus starting the scientific revolution (and giving Earth a self-esteem complex). In the 19th century, they had piano virtuoso Frederic Chopin. Finally, the 20th century saw Marie Curie (a pioneer in the field of radioactivity and the first person in history honored with two Nobel Prizes) born in Poland's capitol of Warsaw.
If that's not enough, without the Poles we probably couldn't have ended WWII when we did: The three smarty-pants mathematicians who broke the Enigma code--a cipher used to code Nazi messages with an estimated 500 trillion combinations--all hailed from Poland. If it wasn't for them, WWII could've easily dragged on for years longer, thereby costing countless lives, ruining even more countries and causing everybody in your precious Call of Duty games to don bell-bottoms.
#3.
The British Have Horrible Teeth
Where We've Seen It:
The Brits get slapped with the horrible mouth-hygiene joke on any number of TV shows: from The Simpsons, to South Park; Family Guy to Austin Powers. The stereotype would have us believe that most Brits, upon being confronted by a toothbrush, respond with polite puzzlement at first, quickly lapsing into mindless panic followed by murderous rage.
Why it's All Bullshit:
We hate to ruin anybody's joke material (especially if you're desperate enough to be hanging onto that cutting edge "British teeth" material) but recent studies suggest that we should retire the bad teeth as Britain's national stereotype of choice (we can probably replace it with much funnier jokes about their oppressive Orwellian state anyway. Your life is not your own; that shit's hilarious!)
A study performed by OECD, an international economic organization, on the state of dental hygiene in developed countries has concluded that the British have the very best teeth in the entire world, with an average of just 0.6 of a tooth decaying per citizen. Not just "not the worst"--the absolute fucking best! That's like routinely mocking the feminine lisp of a guy-pal and finding out he's boned every single girl you know, including your mother (especially your mother). But sadly, because national stereotypes are apparently a zero sum, it turns out Poland has the worst teeth, with an average of almost four rotted teeth per ingenious Polack.
So why does this admittedly lame stereotype even exist? Well, because the idea of "good" teeth differs slightly between the UK and the U.S.--most Brits simply don't find slightly crooked or off-white teeth all that unappealing. They probably fancy you a bit of a poof, actually, wasting perfectly good dosh on teeth whitening 'stead of a warm pint and a hot pigeon pasty. For all you non-British: We think they just called you a pussy, but we can't be sure (we half-suspect they make up good bit of their adorable-sounding slang on the spot).
Sauce for that last pic?
ReplyChinpokomon Executive: We cannot achieve so much with such small penis, but you American wow, penis so big, so big penis!
ReplySouth Park Toy Store Owner: Well aah I guess it is pretty good size.
Alfred Binet wrote that the IQ test is not "a general device for ranking all pupils according to mental worth. (translated from French)" Who's Alfred Binet? The guy who invented the freaking test. He believed that individuals with lower IQ simply required greater effort and that with that effort, would be every bit as capable as anyone else.
ReplyIQ tests mean nothing - intelligence is not quantifiable in that sense, and the inventor of the IQ test, one Alfred Binet, never intended for the test to be used as such. All IQ is indicative of is how difficult it is for an individual to learn new material - it doesn't mean that someone with an IQ of 95 should be restricted to working at McDonalds, it means we as a society need to invest more effort into that person's education. This is coming from someone who qualifies for MENSA, and doesn't care to join. As Binet wrote to the French government, his test is not "a general device for ranking all pupils according to mental worth."
ReplyWas this article made to offend other nationalities..? Russians aren't all that of a drunkard..
ReplyReally? Google "Alcoholism in Russia" It even has it's own Wikipedia page(!)
In the early 1980s, an estimated "two-thirds of murders and violent crimes were committed by intoxicated persons; and drunk drivers were responsible for 14,000 traffic deaths and 60,000 serious traffic injuries". In 1995, about three quarters of those arrested for homicide were under the influence of alcohol, and 29% of respondents reported that children beaten within families were the victims of drunks and alcoholics"
Yes, they're talking about Russia.
You know what would be swell Cezary? If the sources you provide backs you up instead of contradict you.
ReplyI'm talking what you write about the Russians, which according to the WHO has substantially higher alcohol consumption per capita.
They got 15.76 as opposed to USA's 9.44, making Russia the top 4 drinkers of the world.
When it comes to Russians the only thing that is bullshit is your fact-checking.
I agree..I even know for myself that Russians aren't that of a drunkard.
I think one of the main reasons people believe that Japanese guys have small dicks is because of their pubic hair. Shaving is not really a popular thing over there and most guys just go 70's bush. Also, the hairs themselves are completely straight (as opposed to most European and African races which have curled or wavy pubic hair) which gives Japanese penises the look of being smaller than they really are.
ReplyYes, I'm a professional cockologist.
I get to be that nerd.
ReplyAnyone else think of Hetalia, while reading this?
Heck yeah. Mainly about Russia :3
Course I did XD oh Poland, WWII comes up and you buy a pony. A pony.
Oh well. Everyone knows it's based off of stereotypes anyway XD
Damn them Euros over there cross the pond can get pretty fussy bout what we say...most of these are just jokes...I don't think I've honestly met a person who believes them to be true...most of us love vacationing over in Europe and know these stereotypes are jokes...again thanks to media the world thinks we take these seriously...
ReplyCopernicus is definitely not the cleanest example to use to prove Polish intelligence. He was at most part Polish, "Polish" and "German" being inappropriate anachronistic labels in any case. Copernicus was from a German-speaking area under the Polish crown and his mother's family was ethnic German. His father's family is believed to have been bilingual ethic Polish. There are written records and letters showing that he spoke German and Latin, but none proving that Copernicus spoke Polish, although it is usually presumed he did.
ReplyAmericans constantly b***h about France while deliberately (ignorantly?) ignoring the fact that the US wouldn't exist if not for the French. It was the French blockade of British ships that allowed the US to win your war of independence, not American superiority in battle. If the French hadn't gotten involved, you'd all be speaking English today. Oh, wait....
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesMaybe it would have been better if the US lost its war of independence. At least then the US would have gotten involved in World War I and II at the start instead of chickening out until they were forced to fight in both wars. Contrary to American belief, World War I did not start in 1917, and world War II did not start in 1941.
Also, if it weren't for us Non-Victorian, Normal-Dental Hygene, Non-Coney accent speaking British, then Americans WOULDN'T have the English language today. Also, English is a complete rip-off of German. The British being Victorian is the EXACT same as Americans being cowboys, and Americans also think that "Britain" and "England" are the same thing, which is completely rediculous. I agree with what you say. The only TRUE stereotype is how most Americans are obese...
Typical French...show up at the end, do almost nothing and claim all the credit.
the problem with the Brits and French is this: you guys were like the a*****e older siblings who dicked us around for a while, then we grew up, kicked your asses a few times, took your stuff and eventually threw you out of our house. A while later we had to come and kick the douchey, overly aggressive cousin that was germany's ass for you (along with Canada - aka the other sibling no one gives a s**t about). Now all you guys can do is sit across the table making fat jokes knowing full on well that's all you got left as no one else will tolerate your annoying asses without us standing back here staring them all down.
Truth is, all the s**t I talked about never should've happened: If France had had simply honored their TREATY with Poland and attacked Germany, they might well have reached Berlin before the retreating Wehrmacht did. And while we're on the subjects of Poland (who put up a way better fight than the French did) and bullshit stereotypes, the Panzers vs. lancers myth (almost as much a post-war occupation-defending Soviet lie as an Untermensch-mocking Nazi lie) is a complete farce: yeah, the Polish Army did have cavalry with swords - and tank-busting rifles - and the charges on infantry they actually performed have been forgotten largely because most of them left so few German soldiers alive to tell about it.
ReplyJapanese dicks:
Reply1) Maybe they're growers, not show-ers?
2) taking into account how prone humans are to overcompensation, I'd say maybe the gargantuan size of the penises in traditional Japanese porn art has something to do with the idea of them really having tiny dicks. I mean, have you SEEN any of those paintings? JESUS CHRIST. If I were any of the women portrayed, I'd run screaming from the room!
A warm pint and a pigeon pasty...? Ah that made me giggle.
ReplyUs brits dont eat pigeons xD
And we like our pints of beer ice cold, and we like alot of them...it suprises me that the uk doesnt have a stereotype for drinking U:
The stereotype is ya'll drink piss warm beer. Which I don't even know why someone would do such a horrible thing
The deal with warm beer comes from the fact that it used to be served at "room temperature", which, because of the particular room it was kept it, was actually pretty freakin cold. However, tell that to a 'merican and they're like, WHAT? ROOM TEMPERATURE? WHY THAT'S JUST INSANITY! MY ROOM IS QUITE WARM AND COZY, SO THIS MUST MEAN YOU DRINK WARM DRINKS! It might not be as icy cold as americans like, always served in frosty mugs straight from the freezer, but believe me, it's not warm.
As a frenchman, I can say the "cowardice" of the french is more a mix of pride and poor leadership. Napoleon didn't updated his tactics for 20 years and believed the rifle and the steam engine were BS, or at least, not worth it. What was groundbreaking once became his downfall when the brits found ways to counter him.
ReplyDuring WW2, the french generals thought Germany would be doing the same thing than in WW1 : passing through their frontiers, dig trenches when they found some opposition and wait. So they built the Maginot line (a network of bunkers and wall near the German border) and stood behind it.
One of their generals (Charles de Gaulle ; yes, the guy who radioed the Resistance in London and became president) ran some tests and proved that the germans passing through the Ardennes (a dense area with lots of forests between France and Belgium) with troops and tanks was highly probable, but he was laughed off. Cue the blitzkrieg and german batallions through the Ardennes.
Ever since the Hundred Years War, almost every french military failure could've been avoided if the guys in charge thought "Dudes, last time we got cocky or didn't bother to think outside the box, s**t happened, so how about we keep cool and do a little brainstorming this time?". When they decided to use cannons and guns during the Hundred Years War, the tide of the battles turned in their favor ; ditto when Nap came with his new strategies. France is one of the (if not the) only country which managed to capture Moscow, which proves they can be really effin' good at war. When the guys in charge don't act like gung-ho luddites.
So basically the problem was hubris? Maybe the stereotype of French arrogance is a bit more warranted than that of cowardice.
Pretty much, Serai. We lost at Agincourt because our knights decided to say "Fuck strategy, let's plow them Brits" and charged... Through french lines. Who where engaged in melee. British archers just had to fire at the big mass of dudes in armor who were hacking through their comrades to win. Had the knights not pulled a Leeroy Jenkins, Agincourt could have been a victory, or at least not a curbstomp.
Paper-white, utterly straight and symmetrical teeth belong on Disney characters and nowhere else.
ReplyNot to mention that paper-white teeth would actually be unhealthy. Natural teeth enamel isn't pure white. If your teeth are white, it basically means the outermost layer of your enamel has been scrubbed off or otherwise damaged. You know, the stuff that's supposed to protect your teeth. So it just makes you even more dependent on dentists, congrats.
Oh boy, political correctness in action :). Russians *are* alcoholics. Rampaging, not so much: barely able to stand on their feet is usually a more apt description. Sort that table on Wikipedia you've linked to by total alcohol consumption, and Russia jumps to number 4.
ReplyHere is why there's little doubt it is in fact number 1: if you drink vodka, even the cheapest variety, you haven't quite hit the bottom yet. Herbal tinctures are cheap and do a good job knocking you out. (Haw tincture is a popular option. It's 100 g of crushed haw fruit per liter, the rest is 70% ethyl alcohol.) You don't have to stop there either. Samogon, which is an umbrella term for all sorts of home-made booze, can be made from all sorts of things. Creative approach to its production is a matter of national pride. If you are decidedly penniless and getting dangerously close to getting sober, household chemical products may constitute your salvation. Their consumption may result in minor inconveniences, like blindness or liver failure, but then again, maybe it won't, and who cares anyway in the face of imminent sobriety.
As to the office jobs, they are in fact a relative rarity on the national scale. There's only a handful of big cities; outside those, nearly everyone either works in agriculture or has a blue-collar job. And Russians have an innate ability to do that kind of work regardless of the degree of inebriation.
Yep.
stereotype of African Americans is they have giant congo dicks... the internationl study of male genitalia debunked this and stated the average black male penis was 6 inches in comparison to white american and hispanic american counterparts whose penises were on average 6-7 inches. The ladies tend to agree.
ReplyAlso, they tend to stay the same size more or less whether hard or not, whereas white dicks get smaller. Thus the impression that they're bigger when they're really not - they're bigger when limp but not when angry.
marie curie was french. maybe born in poland but french.
ReplyYeah sure! This is why she insisted on having her name always Sklodowska-Curie, this is why Pierre learned Polish and both her daughters knew it perfectly. And probably this is why she was politically, scientifically and economically involved in regaining Polish independence. Dude, read her biography written by her French daughter!! And respect the brilliant scientist wish to be born and die as a great Pole (even if, or especially when the country itself was partitioned). And do not get shocked by the hatred from French scientists and media she had to go through while she was alive, and yeah, because she was Polish. Or more correct because she was Slavic, since for you guys this is all the same thing anyway. Second category Europeans.
Yeah sure! This is why she insisted on having her name always Sklodowska-Curie, this is why Pierre learned Polish and both her daughters knew it perfectly. And probably this is why she was politically, scientifically and economically involved in regaining Polish independence. Dude, read her biography written by her French daughter!! And respect the brilliant scientist wish to be born and die as a great Pole (even if, or especially when the country itself was partitioned). And do not get shocked by the hatred from French scientists and media she had to go through while she was alive, and yeah, because she was Polish. Or more correct because she was Slavic, since for you guys this is all the same thing anyway. Second category Europeans.
Reminds me of that South Park episode where the Japanese guys just appease the American guys by telling them what big penises they have.
Reply