4Please, Help a Poor Family Out
These are tough economic times. The stock market is struggling, unemployment is kicking all sorts of ass and, lately, Cracked has taken to paying its writers in unused flooz.com credits. But do lean times have to mean people miss out on a trip to the big game? Of course not.
Take this destitute family's Craigslist posting, for example. The headline says it all: "need Super Bowl tix for me and my 3 kids - We are poor."
And just in case that plea didn't tug on the ol' heartstrings enough to get people to give up their tickets for free, the ad went on to explain that the hard-luck family would pay $5200.00 for the four tickets.
My destitute family thanks you for your kindness.
Apparently, between the time the ad was first run and now, someone asked why they wouldn't use the five grand on, say, food or rent. The post was then edited to confess that the whole "poor" thing was an exaggeration. Oh and, apparently, this heart-of-gold schemer doesn't have kids either.
No, you misunderstand, I meant that I'm morally bankrupt.
So it was a pretty good plan, except for... well, every word of that stuff we described up there. But if you'd like to send a wealthy fuckstick and three friends to Tampa, that offer is still on the table.
3Willing to Trade "Hugh" Stone Ring
On the surface, this Craigslist ad seems plausible enough. A man wants to trade a hideously ugly diamond ring for two Super Bowl tickets.
Among the features listed are a total diamond weight of 3.21 carats (to quote the ad, the stones are "HUGH") and a vow that "YOU ARE NOT SAFE ON ANY STREETS WITH THIS RING ON...:)." That's probably true, provided you're also wearing a lime green suit and drinking from a bejeweled chalice. Trust us, the police frown upon outdoor pimpin'. It's safer to do that in private.
Man, that ring would look perfect right here. Chuuuch!
But something about the promise that the ring comes with an authentic appraisal, valuing it at $5,600, raises one important question: Why not just sell the fucking ring?
Sure, there is a slight chance that somewhere out there, some enterprising Super Bowl ticket seller is looking to unload their bounty on that special someone who can provide them with the perfect piece of jewelry to complete their Slick Rick starter set.
It's like they say: If Roy Horn found another gay tiger-tamer to love him, anything is possible. And yes, someone does say that, look it up. But anyway, why wait around for magic like that to happen? Most people selling Super Bowl tickets are asking for cash in return. If the ring is worth that much scratch, pawn that bitch and have a blast in Tampa!
But things get even more suspect later on in the ad when the ring owner states that "SCAMMERS AND CON ARTIST WELCOMED....:)." We're not quite sure what to make of that, but we have a feeling the final transaction will involve a plastic ring from a Lil Jon Halloween costume being exchanged for a slip of paper that says "SUPER BOLL TIKETS" in crayon.