In a truly historic moment, on this day, (May 3), in 1979, Margaret "The Bull" Thatcher was named England's first ever female Prime Minister. Like Margaret Thatcher, Cracked is a tough, manly, borderline-unmovable force of comedy, so we're celebrating Thatcher's brilliance (?) the way we feel she would have wanted: a series of dick jokes. You're welcome, Thatch. You're welcome.
This week, blog till you drop while Gladstone makes his triumphant return to blogging and probably gets himself fired in the process. Meanwhile, Ross makes fun of fat kids, Dan O'Brien throws out yet another ridiculous challenge, and Mike Swaim talks about sex tapes. So, really, no surprises all around.
Dog Thong to iPaw: 15 Pet Products We Can't Believe Exist
We're going to start marketing a brand of cellphones that's only for cats. You may laugh now, but when rich people get bored, they buy all kinds a shit. Order your Purrizon Wireless Meow Phone today, or your cat will hate you.
Notable Comment: Zoltan says "i used to have a dog that talked...for real...she was pretty smart. She also refused to eat or poop if sumone was watching,she had too much dignity for that". It kind of sounds like you had a child, Zoltan, not a talking dog. Someone please run over to Zoltan's house and make sure she's not making her baby sleep in the yard or something. Please?
The 7 Commandments All Video Games Should Obey
This article was actually taken directly from the original Vulgate Bible. No one knows why it's absent in most modern Bibles, but we here at Cracked have an obligation to the truth.
Notable Comment: Blieber says "You said before that video games alienate women by appealing too much to men. The same goes for Cracked articles too. We get it. Your audience is mostly male, and most males like sex with women. Let's move on. Besides that, the article was fantastic. Keep up the good work." 'Move on?' Beyond 'men want to have sex with women'? Is there anything else? You've really got us stumped, Blieber.
6 Things You Didn't Know You Could Get Addicted To
Little known fact: Heroin--also addictive.
Notable Comment: Metagucunski says "I'm addicted to LOVE. Love is my thing. All we need is love. Kiss." Actually that was The Beatles. The Beatles said that. Not KISS. You're thinking of Love Gun.
The 10 Most Questionable iPod Accessories
You know what'd be great? Just a regular iPod that didn't break after eight months. Let's perfect that first.
Notable Comment: StickManJr says "My iPod can roast a turkey, do my taxes, and it drove me to work yesterday!" iMom's coming soon! Now with iTaxAttorneys! Hooray!
GROSS GROSS GROSS!
The 10 Most Sexually Unappealing Craigslist Postings
Researching this article made us very uncomfortable.
Notable Comment: St1gar says "Actually, anyone who's actually had sex-ed here - that is, pretty much anyone except the Americans no doubt due to their country's ingenious leadership and morality values - would be fully aware that sex HAS all the benifits described in the "Bored And Willing To DO Anything" post, plus more." Wow, it looks like one of the people mentioned in this article took a break from being creepy to post a comment. Hooray!
YOU YOU YOU!
25 Rejected Ideas from GTA IV
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? Check out this week's contest about designing the Most Crackedest T-Shirt and you can be.
It's The Week in Douchebaggery!
All 101 dalmations were fortunate enough to elude Cruella De Vil...Clifford the big red dog was not so lucky.
This is what happens when you let Canadians come to the Kentucky Derby.
John's addiction to Slurpees had reached new lows.
Have some more juice big pipe. Num num num. NONE FOR YOU LITTLE PIPE!!!
Someone, somewhere is masturbating to this.
People will think we're waiters with these black pants.
Unfortunately, the Hiroshima bomb caught some Japanese in rather undignified positions.
When the restaurant closed for the day, the women's washroom symbol decided to kick some ass.
A black kid? A BLACK KID?! IN MY TOWN?!
Slow dances were a bitch for Karl with his hand permanently fixed in boob-squeezing position.
The three guys racing in penis costumes finished well before these ladies.....
Laurel and Phyllis were there for support. Jenny was looking for a diagnosis.
Ancient Mayans protected the door to the city by making sure anyone using a battering ram would suffer from crippling homo-erotic embarrassment.
3 bedroom, 3,400 square feet, pool, central air, good schools, quiet street, evil.