23 Total Mic Drop Insults

Most of us only know great comebacks as something we conjure up in the shower long after we've been stung by someone else's words. But for some, issuing a zing is second nature. For even less, it's an art form to be admired.

With the help of readers like you, we're presenting those that have made it into that category. The winner is below, but first the runners-up ...

23
Entry by Phighter

CRACKED Comedian Jimmy Carr to a heckler: Well Gary, if you want my comeback, you'll have to scrape it off your mum's teeth.

22
Entry by CZM

haven't any right to criticise books, and I don't do it except when I hate them. L often want to criticise Jane Austen, but her books madden me SO tha

21
Entry by mkad

CRACKEDco COM Stanley Baldwin, former British Prime Minister One could not even dignify him with thE name of stuffed shirt. He was simply a hole in t

20
Entry by treendabean

CRACKEDOON When you hung that sign by the entrance that says, WELCOME TO FLAVOR TOWN!, were you just messing with our heads? Is the entire restaurant

19
Entry by mkad

[Seeing Gerald Ford is] more than enough fo remind you that the nuclear button was at one stage at the disposal of a who might have either man presse

18
Entry by Cervus

Die Meistersinger yon Nurnberg Of all the bete, clumsy, Vorspiel Prelude by blundering, boggling, baboon- S heeret blooded stuff l ever saw on a 91 h

17
Entry by markomz

CRACKEDCO Legendary sports journalist Howard Cosell expressed doubts that Muhammad Ali would be able to defeat a younger, more fearless George Foreman

16
Entry by mkad

CRACKED.COM 1W Christopher Hitchens IF you gave Falwell an enema, you could bury him in a matchbox. Christopher Hitchens, the day after Falwell died

15
Entry by russellmz

CRACKEDo COM C COMEDY THINE You know the expression there's no such thing as bad sex or bad pizza? Your pizza is like sex with a corpse made out ofsan

14
Entry by ironical

CRACKED co THE HOUSE AT POOH CORNER In the late 1920's, Winnie-the-Pooh books were all the rage. Dorothy Parker wrote book reviews for The New Yorker

13
Entry by AgentCoop

In 1980, Mel Brooks produced The Elephant Man, based on the tragic story of Joseph John Merrick, tapping avant garde filmmaker David Lynch to dire

12
Entry by woweewow

After publisher William Heinemann rejected his now highly regarded novel, Sons and Lovers, author D.H. Lawrence vented his anger in this 1912 letter t

11

CRACKEDGOM That crack-brained harlequin and semi-lunatic George Francis Train !... ...He is destitute of of as principle as he is sense and is fast gr

10
Entry by mkad

CRACKED cO Jack Kerouac His of is is sense character nil, and he as pretentious as a rich whore. sentimental as as lollypop. o Norman Mailer

9
Entry by Casarino

KENNY G PUT OUT A RECORDING ...LAME-ASS, JIVE, PSEUDO-BLUESY WHERE HE OVERDUBBED HIMSELF OUT-OF-TUNE, NOODLING, WIMPED ON TOP OF A 30+ YEAR OLD OUT FU

8
Entry by meter_filler

He defiles his own tongue in base pleasures In brothels licking up the disgusting dew, Dirtying his beard, disturbing the hot coals. Aristophanes wr

7
Entry by NinjaBill

ORACKEDCON I WOULDN'T FUCK SANDRA BERNHARD WITH BEA ARTHUR'S DICK. --JEFFREYROSS

6

CRACKEDGOM THESE DAYS THE HOUSE REPUBLICANS AETUALLY GIVE JOHN BOHNER A HARDER TIME THAN THEY GIVE ME...WHICH MEANS ORANGE REALLY IS THE NEW BLACK -

5
Entry by Phighter

UPete Townshend suffers from tinnitus, an annoying monotonous buzzing [that] sounds if it's coming from the base of your skull. If you want to know wh

4
Entry by Lindle

CRACKEDOON Can you watch Andrew Lloyd Webber? He looks like he's had his face carved off by a diseased butcher. Put in a pinata. Beaten with hockey s

3
Entry by mkad

Pilferer of other mens' stories and ideas, with his monstrous rhetorical fustian, his unbearable platitudes, his pretentious reduction of the subtles

2
Entry by Cervus

If it were thought that anything I wrote was influenced by Robert Frost, I would take that particular work of mine, shred it, and flush it down the t

1
Entry by ClockMaster

William Shakespeare's KING LEAR oy WTLLLAM SHAKESPEARE King Lear Act L, Scene II Oswald: What dost thou know me for? Kent: A knave; a rascal, broken a

To turn on reply notifications, click here

1025 Comments

Load Comments