Writer and editor for niche website Cracked.com. I am definitely not a shaved bear. For more attempts at witticisms and my personal recipes for toilet wine, do follow me @cedricvoets.
3 Handy Tips For Not Looking Like Jeffrey Epstein's Friend The second tip will make you want to lock up your kids! Authors By Cedric Voets Published November 18, 2019
4 Reasons Mark Zuckerberg Is A Garbage Supervillain He will plunge the world into dorkness. Authors By Cedric Voets Published November 18, 2019
A Vengeful Taylor Swift Unleashes Hell (And Tweens) Those who control the master tapes control the world. Authors By Cedric Voets Published November 15, 2019
Sonic Is No Longer A CGI Abomination, But At What Cost? The new Sonic trailer wants a fresh start, but we're way past that. Authors By Cedric Voets Published November 13, 2019
Please Don't Spoil The Obvious Twist In 'Last Christmas' Don't ruin Emilia Clarke's movie by knowing things like basic movie structure. Authors By Cedric Voets Published November 11, 2019
There's A New 'Invisible Man' Movie, And He's An Abusive Ex The Invisible Gaslighter, more or less. Authors By Cedric Voets Published November 08, 2019
11,000 Scientists: Stop Killing The Planet, You Utter Morons Why is this the first time we're hearing about this? Authors By Cedric Voets Published November 06, 2019
Amazon's Alexa Is Now A Murder Case Witness Alexa, can you solve this spear-related murder mystery? Authors By Cedric Voets Published November 04, 2019
Yo, Don't Act Like A POS Over The Popeyes Chicken Sandwich Sadly, harassing fast food workers is never off the menu. Authors By Cedric Voets Published November 01, 2019
Check Out NASA's Favorite Planets That Will Murder Humans The Universe wants to eat you alive. Authors By Cedric Voets Published October 30, 2019
Gwyneth Paltrow Also Can't Wait For Her To Be Done Acting She doesn’t want to be on set anymore than you do. Authors By Cedric Voets Published October 28, 2019
Kanye Is Removing All The Hecking Cusses From His Tracks Misogyny's still fine, though. Authors By Cedric Voets Published October 25, 2019
The E-Scooter Industry Is Imploding (Because Scooters Break) The e-scooter model is falling apart. Literally. Authors By Cedric Voets Published October 23, 2019
Plenty Of Songs Still Work If You Remove Every Other Beat Move your foot to the beat, singular. Authors By Cedric Voets Published October 22, 2019
The Human Flesh Phone, For People Who Love Fear And Terror It's definitely not a sex thing. No sir. Authors By Cedric Voets Published October 21, 2019
The 'Possum Lady' Is The Undisputed Eternal Queen Of YouTube What if Catherine Hepburn was really into possums? Authors By Cedric Voets Published October 21, 2019
Can You Stomach Wendy's 'Dungeons & Dragons' Clone? The fast food gamer war keeps escalating. Authors By Cedric Voets Published October 04, 2019
Ryan Reynolds' New Movie Is About Billionaire Vigilantes Two thumbs up!!! -- Jeff Bezos Authors By Cedric Voets Published October 02, 2019
Here's The Secret Way Famous People Troll Paparazzi Tabloid scumbags HATE this one weird trick! Authors By Cedric Voets Published September 30, 2019
I've Created A Monster, Says Man Who Made The Labradoodle An adorable abomination. Authors By Cedric Voets Published September 27, 2019
