A while back, we talked about KFC launching its own romance game, I Love You Colonel Sanders. It was an impressive and over-elaborate move in the current corporate war to court the always online. Not to be out-nerded, fast food "Queen of Clapbacks" Wendy's has now stepped up its game by releasing a free full-fledged role-playing game starter kit.
Feast Of Legends: Rise From The Deep Freeze is a 97-page tabletop RPG manual for the world of Freshtovia, which is like Middle-earth, but with fewer orcs and more heart disease. The game's mechanics can only be described as the frozen beef version of Dungeons & Dragons (frozen beef being a mortal sin, according to its own lore), a quick and ready-made variant that's just different enough that they won't get sued. Meanwhile, its character-building system is impressive, if you can make your willpower save against all the product placement. It lets you create beefy tanks by joining the Order of the Bacon Jr. Cheeseburger, or earthy druids by choosing the Order of the Baked Potato.
Impressively, if you manage to get over the fact that you're getting advertising sneak attack damage every other sentence, there is a lot to like about Feasts Of Legends. Its intuitive layout and surprisingly beautiful artwork is on par with (or even outstrips) many legitimate RPG manuals. And it truly shines in its second chapter, a starting campaign that, depending on your players' weekend schedules, could take months to finish. That's a lot of well-designed stuff to thumb through, though we expect only the most insufferably ironic will actually spend hours of their lives saving Beef's Keep from the bad Ronald McDonald knockoff villain.
But make no mistake, Feast Of Legends does not let you forget which GM you're truly serving. The best buffs you can get come by eating official Wendy's products, and your character will suffer withering curses if they dare order such foul items as pizza or nachos from ye olde tavern's laminated menu. So we're still not 100% sure about which part of the alignment chart this falls on. We'll know more when Burger King releases a MOBA and McDonald's pays for that Last Jedi remake.
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