He Keeps Lying About His Lame Misogynistic Origin Story
According to Zuckerberg, he invented Facebook after he saw his nation torn asunder by the illegal Iraq War, and thought that a social network could stop corrupt governments in their tracks. "If more people had a voice to share their experiences, maybe things would have turned out differently," he recently said during a commencement speech, likely while staring in the vague direction of a nearby bald eagle.
That's a pretty good villainous origin story. It's got that disillusioned hero angle to it that really sells in the Bible Belt. But the folks who were with him at the start don't recall him ever mentioning the Iraq War, or freedom, or anything of the sort. In fact, plenty of people will tell you that Zuckerberg's real inspiration for Facebook came from FaceMash, a website he created in college after being rejected by a girl, where he uploaded hacked pictures of female students so that users could rank them by their appearances. Not such a great villainous origin story, unless you're going to wield a bloody bladed fedora and call yourself The Red Incel.
Though the gross venture was short-lived, Zuckerberg learned an important lesson: He really liked "the idea of comparing two people together." And that laid the groundwork for our current mimetic dystopia wherein everyone tries to one-up each others' holiday pictures. And when he finally launched TheFacebook and realized that people were such "dumb fucks" that they would trust him with all their private data ... well, the rest is history. Specifically, your browser history, which he now owns.
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