19 Awesome Survival Tips (You’ll Probably Never Need)

Now when the robots try to overthrow us, you'll know exactly how to survive.
19 Awesome Survival Tips (You’ll Probably Never Need)

It's not unusual to imagine yourself (usually while on the crapper or in the shower) in a completely implausible scenario that will never, ever occur during your lifetime. But it's still fun to make believe, right?

Well, now you can imagine how you will totally survive those situations like the badass of your daydreams.

An asteroid is about to hit the Earth? Run to the hills! Our planet is mostly covered by oceans, so it's more likely it will fall in a body of water t
19 Awesome Survival Tips (You’ll Probably Never Need)
HAVE THE ROBOTS TAKEN OVER? ACCORDING TO DR RICHARDSON OF LEEDS UNIVERSITY, YOUR BEST BET IS TO VISUALLY CONFUSE THE MACHINES SO THEY CAN'T FIND YOU..
YOU JUST SURVIVED AN EXPLOSION? FORGET ABOUT WALKING AWAY ALL COOL AND SUAVE. ONE HIT THE FLOOR BOMB AND CHECK YOUR USUALLY PERIMETER. MEANS THERE IS
If you happen to run into an elephant and he seems to be preparing to charge CRAh THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS SCREAM AND YELL AT HIM.
19 Awesome Survival Tips (You’ll Probably Never Need)
So, you're buried alive, huh? First, stop panicking; rapid breathing will use up all your air. Next, wrap your head in your shirt to prevent you from
ARE YOU BEING ATTACKED BY A PISSED OFF MONKEY? GIVE IT YOUR FOOD Monkey aggression is usually because they want food. If you have food, throw it to th
CRACKEDCON If dust or ash ever completely covers the Earth's atmosphere and causes global disaster, head to a cruise ship! Cruise ships have food, wat
IF YOUR CAR GOES FLYING INTO THE WATER, DO nOt open YOUR DOORS Opening the doors lets in too much water too fast, so stick with the windows. If the wi

Safety Tips

CRACKED.COM fonaras If during the apocalypse-by-tornado you happen TO be in a vehicle, drive to the nearest fast food restaurant. -O They usually have
STALKED BY WOLVES? Avoid making eye contact or threatening behavior and back away slowly. If there are no other people nearby, look for fire or a tree
CRACKEDG COM Oh, no! You've been sucked into space without a suit! DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH! Expel the air from your lungs instead to prevent it from ru
You're swimming in the Amazon River when you notice a shoal of piranhas surrounding you. How screwed are you? That depends. If you don't have an open
YOU ARE BEING SMOTHERED WITH A PILLOW! the movies! Just like in 1. Don't panic. Most pillows are quite porous SO you can still breathe slowly. If you
19 Awesome Survival Tips (You’ll Probably Never Need)
CHASED BY A FLOCK OF ANGRY BIRDS? USE YOUR SHIRT AS A SHIELD! Many birds can't peck hard enough to break your skin, so keep your head down and your ey
Have hordes of zombies taken over your town? cRA Fight back by unleashing Lone Star ticks. Once bitten, these ticks cause an allergy to mammal meat. A
19 Awesome Survival Tips (You’ll Probably Never Need)

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