I've Created A Monster, Says Man Who Made The Labradoodle

An adorable abomination.
I've Created A Monster, Says Man Who Made The Labradoodle

Scientists often pursue how to do something while utterly neglecting to figure out why they should make it so. This folly has birthed many monstrosities later lamented by their creators. The atom bomb. Leaded gasoline. And now the labradoodle. The dog breed, named for being a mix of a Labrador and a dude from an '80s power ballad band, has been denounced by its maker. While talking to Australia's ABC News, animal breeder Wally Conron likened his creation to "Frankenstein's monster," and not just because they go absolutely nuts during thunderstorms.

Like with all experiments gone wrong, Conron began with the best of intentions. While working for the Royal Guide Dogs Association of Australia, he was approached by a blind Hawaiian woman in need of a pooch that wouldn't trigger her husband's severe allergy. In 1989, after years of research, Conron fulfilled her needs by combining the intelligence of a Labrador with the hypoallergenic coat of a poodle into one good doggo. But in the process, Conron had unwittingly opened a "Pandora's box," only to find the labradoodle had already pooped in it.

I've Created A Monster, Says Man Who Made The Labradoodle
"You are my creator, but I am your master now. Roll over!"

What Conron didn't anticipate was that the labradoodle would become the hottest canine trend since purse chihuahuas. Despite being engineered to help the visually impaired, the breed was coveted for its looks by the kind of Hummel-figurine-collecting folks who like things that resemble matted toys dug out of a creepy Victorian attic. Conron tried to fight his own creation, but his attempt to patent the breed and stop it from spreading proved a failure. Before long, ruthless dog sellers were over-breeding the labradoodle. "I find that the biggest majority are either crazy or have a hereditary problem," admits Conron, unable to do anything but witness his mad monsters rampaging across villages and Instagram feeds.

And the spread of the curly monstrosity went even further than Conron ever expected. The popular poodle mix opened the floodgates for fools to pair poodles with other inappropriate matches. To this day, Conron gets calls from madmen bragging how they've made, say, the first rottweiler poodle. It is only a matter of time before someone will cross a human with a poodle, and mankind starts its brief march to extinction to make way for the hoodle.

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