Cracked Archive - News
A Billionaire Offered $180 Million To Whichever Man Marries His Lesbian Daughter
Ten years on, no man's grabbed the prize.
- Authors
- By Ryan Menezes
- Published
- Comments
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10
10 Alex Jones Still Has No Idea What Freedom Of Speech Is
He duct-taped his mouth shut today, but somehow STILL found a way to be annoying.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 29
Nobody Ever "Wants" To Work, You Idiots
It seems like no one wants to contract the black lung mining for coal anymore!
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 25
Sticky Kids Everywhere Mourn Loss Of Choco Taco
Those little orange-handed gremlins lost a lot today.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 4
5 Perfect Gifts For A Baby's First Birthday
You could give them a onesie... or you could change their life.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 6
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Kids Need Toys 'R' Us Now More Than Ever
If they have to do active shooter drills, they deserve to wreck their parents' credit card balance!
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 5
All This UFO Alien Talk Comes From One Tiny Self-Interested Group
Newsflash: There has been no newsflash about aliens.
- Authors
- By Ryan Menezes
- Published
- Comments
- 4
BMW Is Adding Heated Seat... Subscriptions
They just paywalled warm butts.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 5
Dear Hasim Rahman Jr., Please KO Jake Paul
In a time of darkness, our nation deserves a ray of light.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 5
Guy Disappears After His Job Accidentally Pays Him 300 Months' Salary
Is it still bank fraud if the bank was the one who did it?
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 7
5 Tips For Fully Dissociating At Your July 4th BBQ
How to celebrate America while completely pushing its horrors out of your mind!
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 10
5 Truly Unforgettable Father's Day Gifts To Remember For Next Year
Underwhelmed Pop-pop this year? Here are 5 gifts he'll never forget.
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 1
Uvalde Cops Did Nothing Because Legally They Don't Have To (VIDEO)
To protect and serve (if we feel like it).
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin, Jordan Breeding
- Published
- Comments
- 7
4 Ways America's Satanic Panic Never Really Ended
In the United States, the devil never goes out of style.
- Authors
- By Edison McManus
- Published
- Comments
- 16
Supreme Court Denies Appeal Of Rich Gun Dummies
Mr. and Mrs. Yacht Club Rambo are back, and they're still intolerable!
- Authors
- By Eli Yudin
- Published
- Comments
- 22
