15 Bizarre Headlines That Sound Like Straight-Up Mad Libs

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15 Bizarre Headlines That Sound Like Straight-Up Mad Libs

Ah, the wonders of the modern world. From the ridiculous to the sublime, from the mundane to the outrageous, this list encapsulates the best and worst of the human experience. We have a clown showing up to a city council meeting in full costume, a spy balloon being shot down, a man falling into a vat of chocolate, a microchipping ban, a gun going off in an MRI room, a diocese facing 400 lawsuits, a President blocking blue light with a classified folder, a politician accused of stealing puppies, a GOP advocating for 15-year-olds to marry, periods banished from forms, a balloon at the State of the Union, a law to stop kids from using social media, a man arrested after a police assistant interview, and a couple getting charged $4,500 for two coffees. 

It's a strange world we live in, and it's hard to know what to make of it all. So let us take a moment to reflect on the stories before us, and to be thankful for the moments of levity and absurdity that they bring.

Parents: the new tech police.

CRACKED PARENTS, NOW YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR KIDS' LIVES EVEN MORE. Senator Josh Hawley from Missouri wants to make a law that would stop kids under 16 from using social media and give parents the power to make tech companies delete their children's information. 2

NBC 

Inflated concerns.

CRACKED MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE: WORRIED ABOUT SPIES, BUT NOT ABOUT FACTS. Marjorie Taylor Greene brought a white balloon to the State of the Union address in early 2023 to show her worries about the Chinese spy balloon that was taken down in the Atlantic Ocean not long before that.

CBS 

Periods banished from Florida forms, apparently.

CRACKED POLITICIANS AND MEDICAL GROUPS FINALLY GOT THEIR WAY... THANKFULLY. The Florida High School Athletic Association got rid of all the questions about periods on the medical form they needed people to fill out after they got a lot of complaints Knee from politicians and medical groups over a few months. Shin/Calf Hand Ankle Finger Shoulder Foot Upper Arm sh cholesterol? 36. Do you want to weigh more or less than you do now? art murmur? 37. Do you lose weight regularly to meet weight requirements for your of heart sport? 38. Do you feel stressed out? example, 39. Have you

CNN 

George, puppy-napper extraordinaire.

CRACKED REP. SANTOS: STEALING PUPPIES AND WRITING BAD CHECKS SINCE 2017. In 2017, Rep. George Santos from New York was accused of stealing puppies from Amish dog breeders in Pennsylvania and writing bad checks for over $15,000 in his own name.

NBC 

Trump blocks out the blue light with a 'classified evening summary' folder.

CRACKED TRUMP USED A FOLDER MARKED CLASSIFIED TO BLOCK LIGHT IN HIS BEDROOM. Former President Donald Trump used an empty folder labeled classified evening summary to block the blue light from his landline telephone, which was keeping him awake at night.

NBC 

The diocese is in for a long, expensive journey.

CRACKED THE ROMAN CATHOLIC DIOCESE OF SAN DIEGO IS FACING 400 LAWSUITS FOR CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE. Some of which date back to 1945, and the diocese estimates it would cost them $550 million to settle all of the cases. The diocese is pretty big -- it covers 8,800 square miles and has over 100 active priests.

AP 

Guns and MRIs don't mix.

CRACKED A LAWYER IN BRAZIL DIED AFTER HIS GUN DISCHARGED IN AN MRI ROOM. Не walked into a room with an MRI, and the magnetic force of the machine pulled the gun from his waistband and the bullet hit him in the stomach.

Kiro 7 

Guess safety wasn't their number one priority after all.

CRACKED IN JUNE 2020, TWO WORKERS AT A MARS WRIGLEY FACTORY FELL INTO A VAT OF CHOCOLATE. OSHA fined them, and emergency responders had to cut a hole in the tank to free the workers. One was taken to the hospital by helicopter. Mars Wrigley said worker safety is their top priority.

AP / Polygon 

Alabama: Not a fan of the whole 'Big Brother' thing, apparently.

CRACKED ALABAMA DEMS PROPOSED A BILL TO BAN EMPLOYERS, INSURERS, BAIL BONDSMEN, ETC. FROM REQUIRING MICROCHIPPING. It would prevent them from making microchipping obligatory for their staff or customers. Alabama would join Nevada, Missouri, etc. Microchips are defined here as devices that transmit info under the skin.

Fox 

China criticizes US for not handling the balloon situation calmly.

CRACKED CHINA ASKED FOR ITS SPY BALLOON BACK AFTER IT WAS SHOT DOWN. The ССР said it was for civilian use and criticized the U.S. for not handling it calmly. The Pentagon says acted fast to stop sensitive info being taken by the spy platform, but experts think it probably didn't work.

Fox 

Clowning around.

CRACKED AN AUSTIN RESIDENT SHOWED UP TO A CITY COUNCIL MEETING DRESSED AS A CLOWN. Не had a wig, face paint, a red nose, and a polka dot tie. Не said his priorities align so much with the city and asked for a salary of $350-500K a year to cover his lifestyle, cocaine habit, and wife's cancer.

Fox 

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