15 Absurd Headlines You’ll Just Have To Imagine Spinning Rapidly At Your Face

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15 Absurd Headlines You’ll Just Have To Imagine Spinning Rapidly At Your Face

Ah, the world of 2023. It's a wild ride, and it seems like every day brings a new story that's more bizarre than the last. From a third grader finding a gun left in the school bathroom by the superintendent, to a 'super pig' problem, to a 'Jesus jacket' controversy, to a 200,000 Cadbury Creme Egg heist, it's been a wild ride. And now, here we are, with a list of 15 of the most outrageous stories of the year. 

We've got tales of fat-shaming Mario Karts, taxpayer-funded podcasts, and a judge suggesting jailing someone just to cut off their internet access. We've got stories of Western-centric SAT replacements, sweaty handshakes, and a mystery solved (maybe). We've got police brutality against dogs, and even China and Iran teaming up to scold Afghanistan on human rights. 

It's a strange world out there, and this list is proof of that. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride as we take you through some of the most outrageous stories of 2023.

Beyond hypocrisy.

CRACKED CHINA AND IRAN TEAM UP TO SCOLD AFGHANISTAN ON HUMAN RIGHTS. China and Iran, noted champions of human rights and individual liberty, called on Afghanistan to stop restricting women's job and schooling opportunities.

AP 

Lock 'im up.

CRACKED JUDGE SUGGESTS JAILING SAM BANKMAN-FRIED TO CUT OFF HIS INTERNET ACCESS. The judge in the FTX case said that the only way to stop Sam Bankman-Fried from accessing parts of the internet that the government couldn't monitor while he was out on bail might be to put him in jail - apparently, nothing else has stopped him.

AP 

Jesus Jacket Controversy.

CRACKED DAMAR HAMLIN WORE A JESUS-EMBLAZONED JACKET TO THE SUPER BOWL, SPARKING CONTROVERSY. Damar Hamlin wore a Kanye West jacket to the Super Bowl that had a picture of Jesus on it. People got mad, but he said he didn't mean to offend anyone and that his faith isn't about symbols, apparently. 26 EMERCIA GLI 410

AP  / CNN 

Taxpayer-funded podcasting?

CRACKED TAXPAYERS' MONEY IN TORONTO WASTED ON A POLICE PODCAST. The Toronto police are using taxpayer money to create a podcast called '24 Shades of Blue', and they're trying to prevent it from seeming like a promotional tool. Some of the videos have had over 10,000 views, but most are nowhere near that. tps.on.ca tps.on.ca tps.on.ca tps.on.ca tps.on.c TORONTO Lca s.on.ca on.ca POL tps.on. n.ca

CBC 

Sweaty handshake defense, of course.

CRACKED A HANDSHAKE GONE WRONG: LONDON COP BLAMES SWEAT FOR DNA ON WOMAN'S BREAST. A police officer in London was accused of inappropriately touching a woman in Croydon. Не said that his sweat from a handshake might have gotten onto her breast, which is why his DNA was found there. METROPOLITAN POLICE

My London 

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