15 Absurd Headlines You’ll Just Have To Imagine Spinning Rapidly At Your Face
![15 Absurd Headlines You’ll Just Have To Imagine Spinning Rapidly At Your Face](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/6/8/2/890682_320x180.jpg)
Ah, the world of 2023. It's a wild ride, and it seems like every day brings a new story that's more bizarre than the last. From a third grader finding a gun left in the school bathroom by the superintendent, to a 'super pig' problem, to a 'Jesus jacket' controversy, to a 200,000 Cadbury Creme Egg heist, it's been a wild ride. And now, here we are, with a list of 15 of the most outrageous stories of the year.
We've got tales of fat-shaming Mario Karts, taxpayer-funded podcasts, and a judge suggesting jailing someone just to cut off their internet access. We've got stories of Western-centric SAT replacements, sweaty handshakes, and a mystery solved (maybe). We've got police brutality against dogs, and even China and Iran teaming up to scold Afghanistan on human rights.
It's a strange world out there, and this list is proof of that. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride as we take you through some of the most outrageous stories of 2023.
Beyond hypocrisy.
![CRACKED CHINA AND IRAN TEAM UP TO SCOLD AFGHANISTAN ON HUMAN RIGHTS. China and Iran, noted champions of human rights and individual liberty, called on Afghanistan to stop restricting women's job and schooling opportunities.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/5/5/890355.jpg)
Egg-cellent crime indeed.
![CRACKED 200,000 CADBURY CREME EGGS STOLEN-AN 'EGGS-TRAVAGANT' CRIME. In February 2023, a man was arrested for stealing a huge amount of Cadbury Creme Eggs - nearly 200,000 - worth over £31,000, or about $37,000. The police called it an 'eggs-travagant theft' and the man is likely to be sent to prison for about two years. Cadbury of creme C egg moung 39 creme 1 crem egg 5020 be 66 assic EPOR 1600 6 5020 Bery RION](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/5/4/890354.jpg)
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
![CRACKED SIDNEY POWELL SENT FOX AN EMAIL FROM A TIME-TRAVELER' WHO'D BEEN BEHEADED. Sidney Powell, a lawyer who supports Trump, sent Fox an email with some truly bizarre stuff from a woman who said she was a time-traveler who had been beheaded. She was, uh, trying to back up her claims about voter fraud.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/5/3/890353.jpg)
Lock 'im up.
![CRACKED JUDGE SUGGESTS JAILING SAM BANKMAN-FRIED TO CUT OFF HIS INTERNET ACCESS. The judge in the FTX case said that the only way to stop Sam Bankman-Fried from accessing parts of the internet that the government couldn't monitor while he was out on bail might be to put him in jail - apparently, nothing else has stopped him.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/5/2/890352.jpg)
Jesus Jacket Controversy.
![CRACKED DAMAR HAMLIN WORE A JESUS-EMBLAZONED JACKET TO THE SUPER BOWL, SPARKING CONTROVERSY. Damar Hamlin wore a Kanye West jacket to the Super Bowl that had a picture of Jesus on it. People got mad, but he said he didn't mean to offend anyone and that his faith isn't about symbols, apparently. 26 EMERCIA GLI 410](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/5/1/890351.jpg)
Mystery solved, maybe.
![CRACKED THE US AIR FORCE: POPPING HOBBYIST BALLOONS SINCE 2023, APPARENTLY. The U.S. Air Force destroyed three unidentified objects between February 10-12, 2023. Balloon hobbyists now think these might have been pico balloons, which are small, harmless hobbyist balloons anyone can buy. RT MAL](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/5/0/890350.jpg)
A new low in police brutality.
![CRACKED DETROIT RESIDENT SUES DETROIT POLICE FOR SHOOTING THEIR DOG AND THROWING IT IN THE TRASH. Someone from Detroit is suing the Detroit Police Department for shooting their dog and throwing it in a bin without even telling them. Their lawyer also claimed that Detroit Police kill more dogs than any other police force in the US. ojtio](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/4/9/890349.jpg)
Study, don't tell.
![CRACKED LET'S STUDY THIS FOR 5 YEARS AND NEVER TELL ANYONE WHAT WE FOUND, SAY UTAH LEGISLATORS. Utah legislators said that if the public knew how much water golf courses and driving ranges used, people might draw the wrong conclusions. So they suggested doing a 5-year study to look into it - and they won't release the findings.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/4/6/890346.jpg)
Taxpayer-funded podcasting?
![CRACKED TAXPAYERS' MONEY IN TORONTO WASTED ON A POLICE PODCAST. The Toronto police are using taxpayer money to create a podcast called '24 Shades of Blue', and they're trying to prevent it from seeming like a promotional tool. Some of the videos have had over 10,000 views, but most are nowhere near that. tps.on.ca tps.on.ca tps.on.ca tps.on.ca tps.on.c TORONTO Lca s.on.ca on.ca POL tps.on. n.ca](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/4/2/890342.jpg)
Super pig: super problem.
![CRACKED THE US IS FACING A 'SUPER PIG' PROBLEM (AND YES, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT FERAL HOGS HERE). The US is facing a major issue with a Canadian super pig that's hard to catch and can survive cold weather by digging tunnels under the snow. This mix of domestic pigs and wild boars has caused billions of dollars in damage.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/4/8/890348.jpg)
Fat-shaming Mario?
![CRACKED MARIO KART: NOT FOR THE AVERAGE AMERICAN MAN. The new Mario Kart ride at Universal Studios Hollywood has a waistline restriction of 40 inches, which is about the same as the average waist size for men in the United States. The ride has been called blatantly fatphobic. S 45 M](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/4/1/890341.jpg)
Porn ID: not for teens.
![CRACKED 73% OF TEENS WATCH PORN-AND LOUISIANA WANTS TO MAKE THAT HARDER BY REQUIRING AN ID. Seven states are trying to require an ID to watch porn online, with Louisiana being the first. A study found that 73 percent of teens watch porn, and they're trying to put a dent in that figure, apparently.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/4/4/890344.jpg)
Sweaty handshake defense, of course.
![CRACKED A HANDSHAKE GONE WRONG: LONDON COP BLAMES SWEAT FOR DNA ON WOMAN'S BREAST. A police officer in London was accused of inappropriately touching a woman in Croydon. Не said that his sweat from a handshake might have gotten onto her breast, which is why his DNA was found there. METROPOLITAN POLICE](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/4/3/890343.jpg)
Western-centric, Christian-focused SAT Replacement?
![CRACKED FLORIDA CONSIDERS A 'WESTERN TRADITION' TEST AS AN ALTERNATIVE TO THE SAT. Florida is considering the Classical Learning Test as an alternative to the SAT and ACT. Its creator believes the SAT has become too politicized and has left out the Christian-Catholic intellectual tradition and other important Western thinkers.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/4/7/890347.jpg)
Superintendent's huge blunder.
![CRACKED A THIRD GRADER FOUND THE SUPERINTENDENT'S GUN IN A BATHROOM. A third grader in Rising Star, Texas came across a gun in the school bathroom and quickly told a teacher without touching it. The gun had been left there by the school superintendent. collection](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/3/4/5/890345.jpg)