13 News Items We Can Only Assume Were The Result Of A Glitch In The Matrix
![13 News Items We Can Only Assume Were The Result Of A Glitch In The Matrix](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/5/1/5/891515_320x180.jpg)
Ah, the 21st century, a time of technological advancement, political upheaval, and, of course, a plethora of ridiculous stories that make us all wonder what on Earth is going on. From Marjorie Taylor Greene's unconstitutional voter suppression to Chad Johnson's frugal living scheme, it's clear that the world is full of surprises.
We can't help but be amazed at the sheer absurdity of some of the stories we hear. Take Texas, for example, where the punishment for vaping hemp is harsher than for possessing marijuana. Or Mississippi, where the governor would rather give tax breaks to discourage abortions than provide healthcare to mothers. And then there's the UK's environment secretary, who suggests that people should eat turnips instead of tomatoes during shortages.
It's clear that the world is full of strange and unexpected events. But that's what makes it so fascinating. So, let's take a look at some of the most ridiculous stories of the 21st century, and see what we can learn from them.
Tyranny of paper towels, indeed.
![CRACKED JORDAN PETERSON, *SIGH*, STILL TRYING TO FIGHT 'TYRANNY' ONE PAPER TOWEL AT A TIME. Jordan Peterson was mocked on Twitter after he angrily reacted to a sign on a paper towel dispenser asking people to be mindful of their use and recycle. Не called it tyranny. un jamar](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/8/891038.jpg)
"Arm the impaired."
![CRACKED TENNESSEE: WHERE COPS CAN BE INTOXICATED AND STILL PACK HEAT. Tennessee Senator Joey Hensley has put forward a bill that would let police officers carry guns even if they've been drinking alcohol or taking drugs. OUNTY COUNTY POLICE POLICE](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/6/891036.jpg)
Thanos-y solution.
![CRACKED JAMES CAMERON: 'THANOS WAS RIGHT!' James Cameron, the director of Avatar: The Way of Water, agreed with Thanos' plan to cut the universe's population in half. Не thought it was a good way to address the same issues he has with environmental protection, apparently.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/7/891037.jpg)
Irony, thy name is CBP.
![CRACKED AN UNDOCUMENTED IMMIGRANT WAS WORKING FOR US IMMIGRATION SERVICES. A former CBP officer was shocked to find out he was an undocumented immigrant. Не had been working for US immigration services for almost 20 years and suddenly had to start trying to get the opportunity to stay in the country.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/5/891035.jpg)
Chips-gate: $5 bust.
![STEALING CHIPS WORTH CRACKED FIVE BUCKS - WHAT A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND. A guy in Memphis got busted after he ate two bags of chips that were stolen (not by him) from a convenience store. The chips were worth almost five bucks. MESQUITE دين com A TOSTER Tost lost TOO Fort Tost NOT TOS Dstt Lay's lay's S B RUF Fosti OS RUFFLE CHE a e SU Lay's Sund -100m WHS 20% WHILE GRAIN CARDER Fresh SARVEST ت FRESDAR Hill ROLD LD Frito Free Sen GOP OL SAU SUG in - tim Plants Bays 70 StraStitos IO and](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/2/6/891026.jpg)
Drag-ged down? Hopefully not.
![CRACKED TENNESSEE TAKES A GIANT LEAP BACKWARDS IN PROGRESS. Tennessee is one step away from becoming the first state to make it illegal to do drag shows in public. This could lead to a legal battle over freedom of speech. PM](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/4/891034.jpg)
Gaga's generosity: $0.
![CRACKED DOG THIEF SUES LADY GAGA. The girlfriend/accomplice of the guy who stole her dogs - and shot her dog walker - is now suing Lady Gaga. Gaga offered a no questions asked $500,000 reward, but is, understandably, refusing to pay.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/0/891030.jpg)
Priorities, priorities.
![CRACKED MISSISSIPPI'S GOVERNOR REEVES: NO HEALTHCARE FOR MAMAS. Governor Reeves doesn't think providing healthcare to mothers would help, even though Mississippi has a high rate of mothers dying during childbirth. Не wants to give tax breaks to centers that try to talk women into not getting abortions, instead. ESH E](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/3/891033.jpg)
Aluxes? Aluxen?
![CRACKED THE PRESIDENT OF MEXICO IS HUNTING FOR MYTHICAL CREATURES. President Obrador recently posted a photo on his social media that he believes is an Aluxe from Mayan folklore. The photo was taken in the Yucatan Peninsula, which was the home of the Mayans.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/2/891032.jpg)
Turnip for thought.
![CRACKED TURNIPS ARE THE LATEST SUPERFOOD (BECAUSE OF THE ECONOMY). If you're struggling to buy food, try to get more hours at work and think about eating turnips instead of other fruits and vegetables, says the UK's environment secretary. And to think people complain the government isn't helpful.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/2/8/891028.jpg)
Vaping felony, marijuana misdemeanor... what?
![CRACKED IN TEXAS, VAPING HEMP IS WORSE THAN POSSESSING MARIJUANA. In Comal County, Texas, teenagers can be charged with a felony for vaping something that could be legal hemp, even though if they had up to 4 ounces of marijuana flower, it would only be a misdemeanor.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/2/7/891027.jpg)
Chad: frugal living 101.
![CRACKED CHAD JOHNSON SAVED MONEY WITH A SCHEME THAT WILL, GENUINELY, SURPRISE YOU. Chad Johnson moved into the Bengals' stadium in 2001 to save money, and he managed to keep 80% of his salary by not buying luxury items. 5 18](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/3/1/891031.jpg)
Unconstitutional voter suppression.
![CRACKED MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE FLOATED VOTER SUPPRESSION. Marjorie Taylor Greene, a Republican Congresswoman, suggested that Democrats who move to a Republican-controlled state should not be allowed to vote for five years... which is, uhh, extremely, not allowed by the Constitution.](https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/imageset/0/2/9/891029.jpg)